Hen plans in tatters - friends have gone behind my back

[Dayna87]

I’m getting married later this year. Hen plans firmly in the hands of my best friend - location agreed with me but I’m not in the group chat and she’s leading on booking etc.

They’ve got to the point of needing to book flights/hotels and five of the attendees have said they need to pull out due to cost despite confirming initially they were happy with it. The price has not gone up other than it being agreed we’d book beds at a beach club I’m keen on going to which adds an extra little bit.

These friends all posted on the group chat at the same time so clearly have spoken with each other to say they won’t go now. None of them thought to speak to me first and let me know personally. My friend organising says this causes issues with the cost of accommodation now so we are having to re-think.

I am seriously pissed off. Would I be wrong to say they can no longer attend the wedding?

I suspect you may not have read the full thread.

OP is having a destination wedding, a multi day UK hen, and an overseas Hen. She is expecting her hens to pay for her share of the overseas hen, and has decided after everything was priced up, to ‘not increase the costs at all’ by adding £1800+ so that they can share sunbeds for 4 hours.

Then because they don’t want to go on this trip she asks if it is being unreasonable to disinvite them from the wedding.

but all of it is irrelevant because this is not a genuine thread, the OP (if she even is getting married) is trying to get it picked up by the Daily Mail because this embarrassingly extravagant series of events is not enough attention and there must be a way to get more.

Abroad hens are a huge ask and if anyone pulls out at any stage, especially before money is paid, you need to let them graciously.

They don't need to explain why, you just need to accept they either can't or have other priorities.

Catching up on posts still -

-I don’t expect my costs to be covered, I’d happily pay if that’s the deciding factor in people being able to attend. But all the recent hens I’ve been too, including the abroad ones, the costs have been covered. There is meant to be c.15 people going so we aren’t talking fortunes!

-My partner has his stag do in the next few weeks, because it’s his profession’s ’off season’ and a lot of his attendees are in the same job. That is abroad and he’s got nothing planned for the UK as nearly everyone is able to make it.

-My year of birth isn’t in my username, that’s all that was free!

Hang on, what difference would it make to the overall price per hen if you paid for yourself @Dayna87? Maybe if you put your hand in your pocket instead of adding on expensive extras like beach clubs your hens wouldn't mind so much?

I don’t think I’ve done anything which would have annoyed them, I’ve stayed well out of the planning but will need to intervene now to understand what has happened.

Do people actually post threads as wind up’s? Genuinely weirded out. As an “off” season suggests you are some wag. But you and your friends are all “career” women. Something doesn’t add up. Not many wags are working in Canary Wharf.

Ah, crossed post! Sounds like you should offer but it also sounds like the hens simply don't want to pay for a hen and a wedding abroad. It doesn't matter how much they earn, they may just feel it's not worth the money.

I would never spend money going away on a hen do now..saying that I know how easy it is to get signed up to things, sad they didn’t come to you first but surely it’s not worth loosing friendships over. Just because they don’t want to pay to go on the hen do don’t mean they don’t care about you x

@Dayna87 on the off chance that this isn't a wind up, if you were looking at Blue Marlin you were going to be spending between €1.5k and €2k at least, that they were being expected to foot the bill for.

That's not what they originally agreed to. You HAVE to see that this has grown bigger than what they were told?

Isn't the whole point to get married to someone you love... hen do is not important really. Have a holiday with them another time. Also you don't know if they have had unexpected expenses recently.
Just cos you attended theirs doesn't mean they must go to yours or are your friendships transactional?

You obviously do expect your costs to be covered. Otherwise you'd be paying them already. If it's not a fortune, just pay it yourself.

You've jumped the shark now op.

You played it well but now it's obvious it's total bullshit

How much are you expecting people to fork out here?

I think you should tell them they can’t come. They don’t need you in their lives.

People usually say yes at first because they are nervous of the backlash if they say no. Away hens are so expensive and I would hate to put someone in a position like this because I have struggled with money in the past and I would hate to feel like I made it worse for someone like some people did with me. They probably said yes at the initial stages hoping plans might change and now it's official they can't afford it. Everyone's situations are different and I personally wouldn't exclude people because of that. Luckily I feel so comfortable with my best friend whom I am made of honour for and the minute she was engaged I said if you have an away hen I'm not coming but have fun and I'll be at the home hen 🤣 she accepted this no bother!

None of them can afford Blue Marlin and they're all having to pay for themselves.

This isn't a "moneyed" wedding.

Maybe DH is a teacher.

FFS, just go out for cocktails, nice meal, good chat and a laugh
why oh why do brides today have to do all over the top stuff
grow up

I totally get why you’re pissed off if they agreed initially and the price hasn’t changed much! Sounds unfair and that maybe they’re not that bothered about going. I’d still go abroad but change it so the remaining friends can afford it but don’t uninvite anyone to the wedding as you’ll look bitter!

I’d feel the same as you though x

Some brides.

Sad

What’s the age range of the people involved?

Lots of professions have busier and less busy times. Eg accountants are busy at Christmas and April due to company and tax year ends.

The reality is that even though the cost of the hen hasn’t increased, everything else that we spend money on o day to day has. The flashy new car has nothing to do with it.

if they can’t afford it and you want them there find something cheaper. Maybe they can’t get the leave from work, maybe they are pissed off at the actual cost of everything including the wedding.

and no they wouldn’t come to you first because you’re not in the chat and they have told the organiser.

actually i reckon the additional £50pp for some beach club has pushed them over the edge and they are furious at the cost generally.

£150 extra. At least.

She's on about going to a beach club that costs thousands. Obviously a wind up.

I know that but only people I’ve ever heard refer to an off season is footballers. Then she’s saying 87 isn’t her year of birth. Maybe implying she’s younger? But who are career women and high earners, really, in their early 20’s. All just sounds bollocks