Hen plans in tatters - friends have gone behind my back

[Dayna87]

I’m getting married later this year. Hen plans firmly in the hands of my best friend - location agreed with me but I’m not in the group chat and she’s leading on booking etc.

They’ve got to the point of needing to book flights/hotels and five of the attendees have said they need to pull out due to cost despite confirming initially they were happy with it. The price has not gone up other than it being agreed we’d book beds at a beach club I’m keen on going to which adds an extra little bit.

These friends all posted on the group chat at the same time so clearly have spoken with each other to say they won’t go now. None of them thought to speak to me first and let me know personally. My friend organising says this causes issues with the cost of accommodation now so we are having to re-think.

I am seriously pissed off. Would I be wrong to say they can no longer attend the wedding?

This

I mean you really can’t be that hard of thinking surely.

2 trips aboard for your hens is costly even if it was cheapo. But you’ve picked a bank holiday August weekend. You want beds at 2k each.

I can see why they have dropped out and I wouldn’t be surprised if they start just dropping you.

You want them to cover all your costs too. Grabby and greedy.

You over-egged the pudding with that last update, OP.

This thread will hit a 1000 soon and OP will be laughing her head off. She is not interested in the feedback and is taking the piss. Pls just let her carry on in her charming way and lose her friends. The marriage may not last either.

Traditionally, you'd be a virginal bride. How's that going?

Oh, it makes sense now. It's exactly what most people have called, a staged photo opp weekend in Beefa.

Blue Marlin was a thing a decade ago, it's long been done. Early/mid twenties, could get away with it perhaps. But mid/late thirties? No wonder half of them are checking out. They might have humoured Beefa up to that point, but I can see how that's the straw that broke the proverbial. It's really not a good look to most, let alone having to pay through the nose to feel embarrassed.

"Brave O beach"

Oh dear you've jumped the shark! You really had me there but now I know it's a wind up

You are acting like this has been a precedent set for hundreds of years. “Traditionally” is a push. I think going to “beefa” is getting abit cringe and predictable. I went last year for a friend’s hen - and I wasn’t thrilled at this new “tradition” of paying for everything for her.

I think FIVE people dropping out should speak volumes to you. Clearly a general consensus amongst them that they are unhappy and five people can’t be wrong.

She carried it on for a while, though. Decent effort.

Wow. I’m nearly speechless.
This is another level of crazy.
You label your friends as high flyers, with good jobs, no kids, new cars…so you assume they have plenty of money to spend on you.

I spend £12,000 -£17,000on holidays each year and my friends and family make the same assumptions about me. ‘She can afford that so she should be able to afford this’.
Well no actually. I’m not rich, I’m intentional. I save throughout the year and waive daily luxuries for my holiday. So I probably couldn’t afford to go to someone’s hen do abroad AND wedding abroad AND luxury beach club.

I’m sorry but you’re being utterly unreasonable and also a bit immature and entitled.

This is your second hen-do (funded by friends, presumably they cover the cost for you to go too), in addition to your UK one (funded by parents),which the friends are also attending? And your wedding is abroad? So how much are you expecting your friends to spend on your wedding, both in terms of money, but also annual leave and time away from family..... thousands? This is so, so wrong.

Attending a wedding is expensive enough. New clothes, possibly fares and/or accommodation, a wedding present, maybe even childcare. And you want them to add a ££££ hen party? Get over yourself while you still have friends and go to a restaurant and/or a nightclub in your hometown.

Blue Marlin is £100 per bed (for 4 people) plus £500 minimum spend per bed. So that’s £150 each for the beach bed thing, on top of whatever else.

I know you said “price hasn’t gone up” but dropping £150 for a day at the beach is exactly the definition of costs going up to me.

I read it a little differently.

The bridesmaids were OK with the cost until the OP decided the beach club would be more to her taste than whatever the injtial.accommodation was going to be. She said it cost just a little more...

I'm guessing it was the straw that broke the camels' backs.

You’re playing down the cost of spending a day at a beach club. It will not be £50 pp.

£200 pp at least! You’ve got the bed hire and minimum spend to account for.

Crikey.

That shines a much clearer light on matters.

It isn't, you know. In fact there's nothing traditional about hen dos at all, let alone expensive ones requiring time spent abroad. Tradition simply requires a one night stag do. Anything more has only really come into fashion relatively recently, and has been leapt on with glee by the hospitality and wedding industries as another way to screw idiots into paying out even more money for something they really don't need.

The more I read, the more I howl laughing. Good effort, kidda. I can totally picture your made up character... a wannabe "influencer" with the lips, lashes and hair extensions (on someone else's dime, no doubt)... talk about The Pampered Princess from Trampsville 🙈🤣

Don't you feel any guilt at expecting your friends to spend a lot of money they can't afford, because of YOU?
If I'd cancelled a hen trip due to lack of funds and you rescinded my wedding invite, I'd be overjoyed. More money saved!

Blue Marlin for 10 people means 3 beds. That is £1500

insane

You've made 2 errors here OP.

Error 1 - posting it on MN. For in MN land, a good hen, is a frugal hen. Invite them to your home (pay for their taxis obviously), stick a tea towel on your head as a fun veil if you absolutely must, and if you're feeling extra flash you can all have a glass of tap water. An even better MN hen is no hen whatsoever. You must never be celebrated or centered, ever. See also MN birthdays, MN anniversaries.

Error 2 - Believing that as you've pulled your finger out, made an effort and celebrated with what your friends wanted to do for their hen, they would do the same for you when it was your turn. Unfortunately some of us treat our friends as we want to be treated, and others...well, happy to receive but not reciprocate.

You can't force them but at least in future you know where you stand, and can treat any "come do this and that for me" requests a nice, wide berth.

Yes! Do them the favour!

And actually that is just the minimum spend, there is also the £300 rental fee to add. Plus towel rental because I can’t imagine you being happy with someone bringing their fluorescent Costa del Sol towels from their last trip with them

I've done a hen do in Rome where the bride(s family) hired a stunning palazzo for private dinners, and we had the most amazing personal guide around the colosseum. That was cool.

I've been to a hen do in the UK where we had a barman making us cocktails, then a chef taught us how to prep and dress a lobster and a crab. That was cool. And also courtesy of the bride.

I've been to several, traditional, in local spas and hotels, pubs and bars. Low expectations so you always end up having a far better time than you think.

There is zero chance, at pushing 40, you'd get anyone I know paying hundreds of pounds to pose in Beefa looking like the oldest carcass at Blue Marlin.

Are they actually good friends? Not telling you directly is a bit odd and it sounds like it’s not going to cost much more anyway from what they agreed to - have you been a bit of a bridezilla? Are they annoyed with you about something else??