Hen plans in tatters - friends have gone behind my back

[Dayna87]

I’m getting married later this year. Hen plans firmly in the hands of my best friend - location agreed with me but I’m not in the group chat and she’s leading on booking etc.

They’ve got to the point of needing to book flights/hotels and five of the attendees have said they need to pull out due to cost despite confirming initially they were happy with it. The price has not gone up other than it being agreed we’d book beds at a beach club I’m keen on going to which adds an extra little bit.

These friends all posted on the group chat at the same time so clearly have spoken with each other to say they won’t go now. None of them thought to speak to me first and let me know personally. My friend organising says this causes issues with the cost of accommodation now so we are having to re-think.

I am seriously pissed off. Would I be wrong to say they can no longer attend the wedding?

Sorry I don’t understand. Is it £50 per person or £50 plus a set amount- how much ? - that has to be spent on drink and food.

I have signed up as a poster rather than just a reader for the first time as I am so agog at this thread. You are being utterly ridiculous. Two hen dos AND a destination wedding is nuts. Organising these events are entirely your prerogative but it's then the prerogative of your friends to say nah. I am stunned you got that amount of people to say yes to a destination hen after they forked out for a destination wedding in the first place! They clearly do have disposable cash and are kind enough to want to spend a significant chunk of it on you but maybe, as others have said, the costs have spiralled and they have said enough is enough. The fact that you think you get to dictate where people should be spending their money as opposed to how they want to spend it - whether it's a nice new car or whatever- says a great deal about you and your priotities.

You need to give your head a wobble, seriously.

You know, OP, you can always plan to go with a few friends to the beach club another time. You don't have to fit it all in now. Or go with your husband in a year or so.

I think the beach club might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. They sound like lovely friends who’ve paid to come abroad for your wedding.

I’d be embarrassed to realise I’d forced them into a corner when they had to admit it had all gone beyond their budget, not angry

There's no way of knowing whether someone is posting for the first time or not. As soon as you change username, any previous posting history won't show up. Although that doesn't mean that I believe this thread as there's been a lot of drip feeding

So are you expecting them to attend TWO hen do's? Maybe you could sit down and consider that you're asking an awful lot of your friends both financially and timewise. If your measure of a friendship is how much money they're prepared to spend then you might need to consider your attitiude to that too.

They have paid for flights and accommodation for your wedding abroad already? Your entitlement is off the scale. You comment one bought a new car etc. it really doesn’t matter how well off/ good their jobs are they can draw a line on how much of their money they want to spend on your arrangements.!If you go over that line quite rightly they can’t afford it and can choose to spend money on their own interests. I expect they’re using holiday entitlement on your wedding as well. Your wedding is not the centre of anyone elses life bar the groom.

Oh dear.

I’m afraid your plans were too much, OP. No one’s got £££ to throw around and your hen is just one of many ‘other people’s celebrations’. Hen, weddings, birthdays, baby showers, house warmings etc etc. It’s endless.

People want to pick and choose how they spend their precious time and hard-earned money, not be signed up to restaurants they wouldn’t choose themselves and an expensive beach club where the drinks are £££.

Be gracious. Go back to the drawing board. Organise a nice, normal, affordable hen celebration at home for everyone. Go on holiday to get a bit of a pre-wedding tan with your best friend/ sister/ the odd person who genuinely fancies a holiday.

Abroad wedding and abroad hen is too much, I'm amazed anyone has agreed to both given the cost of flights etc nowadays. I'm a "career woman" (as op put it) but that means I'm also smart enough to know not to waste money.

Its not your only hen though is it, because you're having two aren't you.

Did you say people have already booked flights to your wedding? Are you having a hen do abroad, a hen do in the UK and a wedding abroad?

I'd cancel the abroad hen and just do UK one. Otherwise you're expecting everyone to pay way too much money.

So they also have to fly to the wedding?! Wow. So you don't want them there because they're your close friends, but because it's the 'done thing'? Can you hear yourself?!

Sorry how is pointing out how immature this is something that got my post deleted? You're acting like a teenager. YABU.

These people are likely already spending close to £1k on flights, accommodation, outfit, petcare etc. to come to your wedding. (Because lets face facts you won't be paying for anyones accommodation will you)

Plus the likely 300£ they were willing to spend on one of your hens.

Big picture. You're bleeding them dry. Stop.

What will you think if people don't turn up with a present on the day I wonder?

fair enough @Spanador

OP I find it hard to believe that nothing has gone up in price yet you are 'struggling' to find alternative accommodation. That doesn't really make sense.

Oh it’s an abroad wedding as well 😆

disrespectful to teenagers.

Your sense of entitlement is on another level!

If my friend uninvited me from their wedding because I couldn't afford their hen do, I'd be glad tbh.... because that isn't the type of person I would want to be friends with. Everyone hates hen dos, no one cares that much about you getting married. End of.

Your wedding requires flights and accommodation too ?

If you were a good friend to them, you’d understand about money. I wouldn’t be paying for a hen do abroad!

Is it one of those weddings where you all have to stay in the same hotel to get the deal for the wedding? Or can guests at least stay where they want to stay?

The wedding is abroad too?

YABU