Stepdaughter and partner moving in with us

[Charalf]

My 23 year old step daughter has lived with us for the last 9 years

Her partner currently lives the other end of the country, and they are expecting there first child. We have said he can move in with us for the next year or 2. Rent free as long as they save for a house deposit.

We will need to give up our room for them and relocate to the living room as her box room won't be large enough.

I want to put some ground rules in places but unsure what. They will be doing there own shopping each week.

Am I being unreasonable to ask they show us statements regulary they are saving?

This is doomed. You don’t trust then
enough to save yet you’re letting them take over your house for two years!

Thankyou, i have a tendency to either over explain or not explain at all.

Unfortunately on this occasion my post lacked details which would have lokley changed the responses of others.

Having read previous comments, I agree and will not being asking this off them. Although the alternative offered by many is to take the money as rent and save it for them, which would give full visibility of the money saved.
There's pros and cons to all situations and when being in any situation for the first time it can be difficult to have all the answers without seeking opinions from others.

I think this may be the way to go, although I've measured it up today and we can fit a double in there with our wardrobes downstairs.

It's certainly more manageable than we first thought.

I became preoccupied with comments from people so head strong in the fact help shouldn't be offered and all of whom it would appear have had there lives go according to plan and never once found themselves in a situation they have not fully prepared for.

@Charalf I think that some of us were simply warning you to be careful as we know people irl who've taken huge advantage of their parents and made a number of daft decisions - for example, I have one old friend who after one unplanned baby, went on to have two more children while they were still living with her parents!

Of course, not everyone is like this, and from your updates, your SD's partner sounds very honest and sensible, which is great.

This has disaster written all over it.

Thankyou, I appreciate written messages are so easy to misinterpret. Its rarely what is written but the way the reader reads the message.

Sounds awful, I wouldn’t let them move in. Having had wider family live with me before I know it just ends up causing resentment in the end. They’ve chosen to become parents young so they need to find somewhere to rent and save slowly to eventually buy.

I would charge then rent, then hand it back in two years time. This happened to a very dear friend of mine. My friend charged them rent as she didn't feel they would save as much money as they said they would. After the baby was born, they would go for weekends away, leaving the baby with her parents, nights out, again leaving the parents baby sitting, the list goes on.....As the two year deadline approached there was no mention of them moving out, she was right to take their rent, they hardly saved a bean. She gave them back the rent money she had saved for them , long story short, off they went. My friends says they took her for granted, they looked after their grandchild all day when they were at work, then when they did all their activities.....You really must lay down some rigid ground rules....Good luck

Better to charge them rent. Even if only a peppercorn rent. This establishes boundaries for everybody. Make sure they move in on a Licence To Occupy basis (basically, lodgers), not an actual tenancy. Check it out with CAB.
You can charge up to £7000p/a without having to declare to HMRC.
You would then be able to keep to yourself the choice to stash away their rent in a savings account. Then, at a later stage, you could give it to them towards a house deposit. That way, you retain control without seeming to be over-controlling.
Also: DON'T give up any of your house which is part of your core living-space.
It'll only cause resentment sooner or later.

Let them squeeze into whatever spare accommodation you can let them have. It'll be a far more realistic scenario for them and will help them learn to manage within their limits.

I hope it works well for you OP, l disagree with some posters it's a nice thing to do, if you are able to help your children, do so, that's what family do.

Gosh op this is very good of you - l would think twice about this and l have got 2 spare bedrooms - like the idea of charging rent and saving up for them.
Good luck, rather you than me.

What a mad idea. It's gonna end in tears all round.
Is there any way you can row back from this plan?
Either way, ask for rent (which you can save for them) and make sure your other household costs are covered.
Most important, set a date, written in stone, by which they will have to move out.
I doubt they will, though, in which case you will be faced with evicting your darling little grandchild, its dad and not forgetting your possibly pregnant again stepdaughter.
Say no now before it's too late! You simply don't have the space!

They should pay you rent.In addition they need to give you half the cost of running the house, eg. Heating, lighting, rates, TV licence otherwise they will never learn to afford to run a place of their own.
From this, you save the money for the deposit. I understand why you are doing this because renting is terribly expensive. That said, it doesn't sound as if you trust them to keep their word.
Make sure they get onto a housing list, because you will be overcrowded.
I hope you are young enough and fit enough to cope with having a baby [and all the equipment living with you. Best of Luck!! Make sure they do their share of the chores. [ do I sound as if I've been trapped in a similar situation? Yes and it's made me very cynical] ]

Their privacy is being totally taken!

@DoubleMM It’s difficult, because in a way, they’re obliging the OP and her partner to continue parenting them and their future child,
They can’t provide their baby with a home and it doesn’t sound as if they can fully provide financially either.

Why have they got a baby on the way without their own home? I wouldn’t be doing this at all.

@Charalf could SD and her partner sleep in the converted games room at the bottom of the garden ?

Using the box room sounds like a better option. Have a careful look at all the options for where to keep clothes; ideal would be space for just 1 in the room and 1 chest of drawers in the upstairs hall, so you can keep minimalist clothes and grab underwear etc for showers.

If I were you, I’d look at sleeping in the box room and if wardrobes need to be elsewhere, fair enough, but you could raise the bed slightly to have drawers underneath? This would help with storage and doesn’t need to be too high, you could have several 2/3 drawer chests put in underneath maybe? Good luck and best wishes with the changes coming for you all, I think you are doing a wonderful thing by helping your (step) daughter like this. x

My neighbour offered a similar set up and has regretted it ever since. They still live either her and the 'baby' has just started secondary school!

Her husband very sadly died which I think validates them being in the 'big' bedroom (in their minds) whilst she sleeps in a small room. The child's dad quit work and has set up a business in the garage which brings in a bit of money but means the garage can't be used and there is his stuff everywhere! It very much feels like it's their house and the mum is in their way and is the one who should move out!

I'm so sorry for your friend's and her children's loss, they must all be devastated.

Utter madness to go sleeping in the living room at your age when you don’t need to.
how’s that going to work when they need to be up and down with the baby, in the kitchen etc.
so the whole house needs to shut down at your bedtime because you need to sleep?
cool woman you are, ‘marriage is a piece of paper’ 🤣

Don’t the kids inherit then?

https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

Hi, not sure if it helps but I know people that did this and rather than say no rent, they took some each month but paid it into an account for them to have back at the end of the c. 2 years.

Apologies if someone else has suggested this - I've only read your comments. Good luck - it might be mad of you but it's also very kind xx