New guy I’m seeing had a fling with someone much younger

[Sroia]

I’m 28. I’ve been seeing a guy who is 32. We’re both professionals in London.

We only very recently made it official. I was getting quite excited - bf is very handsome, kind and charismatic. We have shared interests and he’s an amazing cook.

But I found out over the BH weekend (through a gf of bf’s friend) that bf had a fling with a girl who was 20 around Xmas time. It’s really made me feel weird about bf. I would feel motherly towards a 20 yo guy, not want to get with one.

I guess it just indicates he was comfortable with that power imbalance. It seems a bit gross. I have a brother who is 31 and I know he would never date anyone as young as 20.

I'm not overthinking this one, am I?

If it's predatory for a man of 30, why is it not predatory for a man of 20?

There are predatory men, but they don't suddenly appear at 26 or something, they are always exploiters.

Why is a woman of 20 able and mature enough to deal with that in a man of 20, or 25, or whatever the limit is, but not with an older man?

If 20 year olds cant manage adult relationships then we should be looking at changing the law.

There is a difference between dating a 20 year old and dating a 20 year old you are senior to at work. There WAS undoubtedly a power imbalance, she was an intern at his office.

this!

At 20 I would say I was very mature for my age. I was dating guys in their late 30’s early 40’s as guys around the same age seemed really immature.

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a 25 and 34 year old dating, to me its really not the same as a fling with the 20 year old student who interns at your company

And where was that information in the OP?

Well my whole point is not to stereotype because everyone is different but I see that went right over your head :)

I think the internet thing might be a bit untrue. It seems like possibly they were dating well after the internship had ended.

I know some people get bent out of shape about people dating in the workplace at all, and of course it can create problems. But it's also the place where a lot of people who are out of school meet the majority of new people. So I don't think it's all that strange that someone who you met at work 6 months ago might be someone you consider dating. Especially if they aren't there any more it could be kind of ideal in terms of avoiding workplace awkwardness later.

Google it

It wasn’t in the OP. OP added that in a later post. You should at least read the OP’s posts before commenting…

Double standards

Quite a bit goes over @unfold1 's head

Dad was 18 years older than mum and their relationship was lovely.

Let it go. If you weren't a thing then, it is none of your business.

Unless of course you observe him sniffing around twenty year olds now you're a couple.

Trust me if you feel motherly towards a 20 year old at 28 & are dating a technically 30+ ready to settle down it says more about you then them.

If your happy don't cause a scene it just sounds your over thinking it.

Wouldn’t bother me it is 2 adults having a fling , maybe she likes older men . By 20 I was a qualified nurse and I got married at 22 to someone 7 yrs older than myself ( still married , very happy , 36 yrs next month) .

I find it weirder that you'd feel 'motherly' to an adult 8 years younger than you.

I mean - fine if it’s not for you to date/shag/have a fling with someone younger but clearly it was fine for him. I don’t see an issue tbf - it’s not like she was 15?! He didn’t do anything illegal and I assume the girl gave consent?

I’m in my 20s too - my (recent) lived experience is that peers date people the same age as them. This means same birth year, or give or take 1-2 years. Whilst 20 year olds are obviously attractive to older men, it’s not often they themselves prefer to date significantly older men in 2025. It’s usually people who are vulnerable that are interested in older men like that. Guys their age are typically more desirable; Gen Z generally dislike millennials.

Ultimately there’s a large generational difference between 20 and 32 year olds, larger than any generation that came before them — as society has changed. I think older generations may not understand how different it actually is, as they base things off their formative years and society decades ago. Whereas in 2025 that 12 year age gap can easily feel like an authoritarian older sibling/teacher dynamic.

Usually decent guys have already settled down by the time they are 30 anyway, I can scroll my social media and see those who I went to school/uni or work with ended up with someone their age who they met whilst younger. People dating significantly older are outliers.

We all think we are the ground breaking generation when we are young and we are going to change the world ultimately as you mature you will find you are not that different to the generations gone before you.

I think you’re probably best speaking to your new partner and letting him know how you feel. If it’s a deal breaker or an “ick” for you - then it doesn’t really matter how anyone else feels.

I do find it a bit bizarre that a 28 year old sees a 20 year old as a foetus, or thinks that it was something to do about your partner being “more powerful”. I know many 20 year olds who are more mature than 28 year old woman, and 30 year old men and I do find your post quite belittling of someone who is only 8 years younger than you.

Many 30+ now still live with parents because or the awful housing market....

Why go to ChatGPT? An AI-generated post is so easy to spot among your other posts, and damages your credibility.

Just tell her to fuck off.

It's always older man/younger woman, that's why it's a problem. I don't know anyone whose dad is more than ten years younger than their mother.
It's the nerve of men going after younger and not marrying their own age that is a societal problem, even if your parents are happily married, can you see beyond your personal experience?

I never once said that, so you are speaking for yourself and wrongly asserting your opinion as mine.

I don’t think that my generation is “going to change the world”, merely that there are generational differences that would make dating older men undesirable.

Ah I get it, you're dad was significantly older and now your mum is a youngish widow?