New guy I’m seeing had a fling with someone much younger

[Sroia]

I’m 28. I’ve been seeing a guy who is 32. We’re both professionals in London.

We only very recently made it official. I was getting quite excited - bf is very handsome, kind and charismatic. We have shared interests and he’s an amazing cook.

But I found out over the BH weekend (through a gf of bf’s friend) that bf had a fling with a girl who was 20 around Xmas time. It’s really made me feel weird about bf. I would feel motherly towards a 20 yo guy, not want to get with one.

I guess it just indicates he was comfortable with that power imbalance. It seems a bit gross. I have a brother who is 31 and I know he would never date anyone as young as 20.

I'm not overthinking this one, am I?

I’m 60, so all hope is lost I guess…

25 & 42.

I’m sure your credentials as a researcher are bang on, but I asked ChatGPT and this is what I got. Feel free to correct any inaccuracies based on your own knowledge/expertise.

Research on age-gap relationships in the UK indicates that heterosexual pairings where the man is older than the woman are common, but the claim that 90% of such relationships involve an older man and younger woman lacks direct empirical support. Data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) show that the average age difference at first marriage in England and Wales is approximately 1.5 years, with men typically being older. While this suggests a prevalent pattern of older men partnering with younger women, it does not substantiate the specific 90% figure.

Regarding power imbalances, age disparities can introduce dynamics where one partner holds more life experience, financial stability, or social influence, potentially leading to unequal power relations. This is particularly pertinent in relationships with significant age differences, where the older partner may have greater control or influence. However, it’s important to note that power imbalances are not inherent to all age-gap relationships and can be mitigated through mutual respect, communication, and awareness of each partner’s autonomy.

In summary, while older man-younger woman relationships are common in the UK, the assertion that they constitute 90% of age-gap relationships is not directly supported by current data. Power imbalances may exist in such relationships, but they are not universal and depend on various factors beyond age, including individual circumstances and the dynamics between partners.