To have made a Sarah’s Law request? **Trigger warning: contains discussion of child abuse and other content that some may find disturbing**

[nyki]

More of an “have I overreacted” more than a “have I been unreasonable”.

Someone has made some strange remarks around my child. I’m not in a relationship with this person before anyone jumps on me, and they don’t have any access to my child anymore.

Remarks have been talking about rape, talking about my child’s “itty bitty cl*torous”, her “boobs” (she doesn’t have any, she’s a toddler). Bouncing her up and down “she likes that, like her mum” with a sexual overtone. There have been others similar, remarking on body/private parts in a sexual way. Family member hence why they were present at times when child being changed etc for context.

This person has already been confronted and would say that I can’t take a joke, my child doesn’t understand and thinks it’s funny basically. Hence why they aren’t around my child anymore.

So I’ve done a Sarah’s law application on advice of NSPCC. I’ve never been in this position before. It’s it an overreaction? With the type of job this person is in, I really doubt they have any offences against children, so I think it will come back with nothing.

I can’t believe you’ve even been around someone to have them say all these comments to you. As a decent mother you should have had nothing to do with them immediately and kept your DD away from them.

In your rush to post a judgey comment, did you miss the part where she said he isn’t allowed near her child anymore? Or where she has contacted the NSPCC and police? Sound like a decent mother to me seeking a bit of emotional support from mumsnet.

Give her a bloody break.

What a shitty reply. Have you ever second guessed yourself? Especially when those around you try to make you seem like you’re overreacting?

She hasn’t contacted the police though has she? Did you miss that part? She has contacted the NSPCC and is vaguely assuming it’s the same thing. Posters are getting judgey and annoyed because there is a child at serious risk and OP isn’t doing enough to protect her. Stopping contact now and ensuring future court enforced contact doesn’t happen are two very different things.

Not when it comes to protecting my child, no.

Is a Sarah’s Law Application not contacting the police?

OP has already reported him. You are one of those 'tell it like it is' posters that will often drive the OP off her own thread. There is no need to be so fucking unpleasant.

To the unpleasant posters - you know who you are - do you think your tone will help the OP? Or drive her away? Are you helping? No

You think shaming OP is an appropriate response here?

I have contacted police. Sarah’s law is done through the police and I’ve had to tell them why I am requesting one.

You’re not overreacting op. It’s shocking.

That is not the same as reporting and logging and so when he takes you to court it will be dismissed.

You have not overreacted whatsoever

Hell. If that’s what he says out loud, his private thoughts must be terrifying.

you’re doing it the right thing flagging this to the authorities and stopping contact

She had to contact police to do the Sarah’s law application.

this is what nspcc advised her to do.

nspcc know more than MN.

OP I take it your concern is that if you DD dad wants access he could facilitate contact with this person?

I would refuse this. He’ll probably get contact if he takes you to court, but he also might not take it that far.

i feel so sorry for you that you have this worry.

I’m not sure what more I can do to protect my child at the moment? There has been no contact, there won’t be any contact unless I’m forced to through court. I’ve spoken to NSPCC and taken their advice? I’ve done the Sarah’s Law request with the police and put the circumstances down so they are aware. If the police decide a crime has been committed as I understand it they will have a duty to record it. Like I said I don’t know the ins and outs of it if the things he’s said are actually an offence/crime. I know the police or NSPCC will do safeguarding referrals if they need to. If anyone has any other suggestions of what else I can help doing I am here for advice. I won’t be contacting his work, or saying what his job is. It’s not for me to do, I don’t want to get myself in trouble. He’s not on the birth certicate.

You don’t need to do anything. Ignore those posts, they’re coming from panic and the idea that they can solve the problem by making you do things.

Good God of course it's not a over reaction, However If he's not been convicted or caught then I assume nothing will come back. You don't really need Sarah's Law to tell you that this beast is Paedophillac. Maybe you should be reporting him to the Police, that said though i imagine you'd need evidence

When he was confronted, my father actually made a very similar comment about boobs. He’d been abusing my daughter for a number of years, he’s now been found guilty in court.
the man you’re talking about is a paedophile, and you must do everything you can to protect children from him. If he hasn’t abused any yet, he will, and he has thought about it.

You have absolutely done the right thing by submitting the request. In my personal experience, if you have decided that you will no longer allow contact between the child and this person, you may not be given the disclosure citing privacy laws.

I was told that a family member had a history of child sex offences. I did Sarah’s Law and the police officer asked if I would be cutting off contact regardless of what the disclosure was. I said, yes, so she said that they wouldn’t disclose any information because he was deemed not a risk to my child anymore, given I said I would not allow contact anyway, and his right to privacy trumped my right to a disclosure on behalf of my child. 🤷🏻‍♀️

As it turns out, he spent 3 years in prison for sexually abusing his niece and was on a sexual harm prevention order when I submitted the request, so there was a disclosure to be made, but the police officer refused to make it. Not entirely sure what the bloody point of the process is, but anyway.

Never the less, you like me have been presented with enough information about this person’s risk to children to make a smart decision to protect your dc, regardless of what the disclosure comes back as. Trust your gut and keep your child safe.

From the gov.uk website regarding Sarah’s law- If at any stage during the application process the police believe that a crime is being alleged, they will pursue the crime report under normal investigation and recording procedures.

I don’t need to double up and make a separate report. I’ve given the police all the details and if they determine a crime has been committed it will be recorded/investigated.

Thank you, that’s very helpful. And I’m sorry that you went through that.

I did note that while I have cut contact and he isn’t on the birth certificate, that I am unsure if he will seek formal contact through court.

There's no way that beast would get anywhere near my child again, I wouldn't give a golden shit even if the Kings Superior's Superior stamped their feet and demanded it!

Of course it’s a fucking man.