To have made a Sarah’s Law request? **Trigger warning: contains discussion of child abuse and other content that some may find disturbing**

[nyki]

More of an “have I overreacted” more than a “have I been unreasonable”.

Someone has made some strange remarks around my child. I’m not in a relationship with this person before anyone jumps on me, and they don’t have any access to my child anymore.

Remarks have been talking about rape, talking about my child’s “itty bitty cl*torous”, her “boobs” (she doesn’t have any, she’s a toddler). Bouncing her up and down “she likes that, like her mum” with a sexual overtone. There have been others similar, remarking on body/private parts in a sexual way. Family member hence why they were present at times when child being changed etc for context.

This person has already been confronted and would say that I can’t take a joke, my child doesn’t understand and thinks it’s funny basically. Hence why they aren’t around my child anymore.

So I’ve done a Sarah’s law application on advice of NSPCC. I’ve never been in this position before. It’s it an overreaction? With the type of job this person is in, I really doubt they have any offences against children, so I think it will come back with nothing.

I work with sexual offending and you were right to request the checks. However trust your gut even if they come back completely clear that only means nothing has been reported to police. Do not allow this person to be around your child, even if you think it's supervised by another family member it only takes a few minutes when someone goes to put the kettle on or nips to the loo. I'd also be concerned about grooming in the longer term.

As someone who was assaulted under the noses of her parents, literally in the same room from the age of 4 (could have been earlier I just don’t remember). Don’t even let him in the house, or the same room as your child. If there is a will there is a way.

You haven’t overreacted, you’ve done the right thing. Just remember even if there isn’t anything on his record, the average paedophile assaults a lot of children before they get caught. Go with your instincts, he’s vile.

Well done for protecting yourself and your child OP. You have done the right thing and it is now in the hands of the authorities. His comments were revolting and hopefully your request will draw attention to him and his behaviour. I’m not sure what happens in a Sarah’s Law request but hopefully it will be followed up on with you and then you have done all that you can do.

Remarks have been talking about rape, talking about my child’s “itty bitty cl*torous”, her “boobs” (she doesn’t have any, she’s a toddler). Bouncing her up and down “she likes that, like her mum” with a sexual overtone. There have been others similar, remarking on body/private parts in a sexual way.

This needs to be reported to the police. I doubt they’ll do anything other than put it on file, but even so, please report it.

I would still report it to employers, even with no proof. If someone else makes an allegation, they will have a history and more likely to be believed. Do it anon of that helps.

Of course it’s a bloody man.

@JMSADo you honestly think that a woman would make comments like that?

While changing her nappy

Jesus Christ. I’m genuinely horrified by that.

I don’t think he has been around children much at all. This is the first grandchild in the family and no friends have children. But I guess you never know.

I’m really sorry you went through that, thank you for sharing.

I guess I’m partly worried that making light of rape and these type of comments is like the beginning of a soft grooming of sorts? I know this persons views on woman are also not great.

Vile vile vile. Be very cautious around this man. What has your DP/H said?

Are you ok, OP?
It must have been awful.

Fucking hell, thats the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard. You’re most definitely not overreacting.

Well that’s fucking gross. Did you not go mental at your family member at the time?
I can’t even imagine a family member having the nerve to speak about my child or me like that!

Those remarks are absolutely horrifying.
You are not over reacting.

I would never be around them again.
Well done for going to the police.

Definitely not an over reaction!

Echoing what others have said, even if it comes back with nothing, I'd never let this man have any type of contact with your child again!

I don’t have a DP. Opinions from friends family have varied from outright horrified, to saying it’s a terrible joke.

You say grandchild, are the child’s parents aware? There is no way this persons can have access to your gc is what I’m asking I suppose?

yadbu. Awful to hear this.

And adding that I agree with you about it being a soft introduction to grooming. If you laughed and felt fine they could ramp it up. You’re right to have alarm bells, it’s disgusting.

Sorry, if I’ve put that it’s a typo. It’s my daughter. The person who’s said these things doesn’t have access at the moment, but it’s possible in future (wouldn’t be my choice but I may not be able to stop that).