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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH going away, 9 month old baby

704 replies

ChunkyFTMMum · 05/05/2025 12:43

DH is planning on going to an event relating to his hobby. He'll be away for 6 days, requires an overnight flight. It's not for work or a stag go, no other good mate is going (although he'll know people there). He bought the tickets a year ago, when I was pregnant and had no idea how hard this stage would be.

Background:

  • Baby is 9 months, wakes between 1-6 times a night (1 is rare, usually 2-3, 6 if he's teething).
  • I work full time (I had to go back at 6 months).
  • exclusively breastfeeding. I pump at work but baby is glued to me all evening and morning when I'm home
  • baby is often extremely overtired in the evenings. I don't know if it's separation anxiety, or he doesn't sleep properly without me around, but he's often a nightmare from 6pm.

He's already been away for work a few times..so I am perfectly able to cope. But it's really really hard work, especially now I'm working full time. It just feels off. He said he'll cancel if I ask him to but then I'm the bad guy and I know he won't like it.

Yes, I can bank this to go away on my own at some point. And I will. But a long weekend with an older child who sleeps through the night and is not as intense is very very different.

It's a fucking hard stage. AIBU to think he should cancel? Wtf do I do? How do I approach this?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 05/12/2025 11:56

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/12/2025 11:55

Ah, ok. For some reason I took it as b/f until 2.
Into second year is obviously very different.

Ie: for 2 whole years.

LostittoBostik · 05/12/2025 11:58

Can’t believe people are saying you’re being unreasonable. You’re clearly not! That’s way too long at that age for a hobby, not work. It is a brutal stage.

Although if he’s the sort that thinks it’s no problem to do this then I bet you’ll actually find it easier than you expect and slightly resent his return.

FairKoala · 07/01/2026 22:20

Use the time away to try a routine of getting 9month old to sleep. Mine slept through the night at 9 weeks and 10 weeks
I would keep them up with me till I went to bed. They way they were then sleeping when I was sleeping and once you have cracked 4 or 5 hours of good sleep you can then start moving bed times for them earlier very very gradually

Friend would put her baby to bed at 7pm then would stay up till midnight. Then baby would wake every hour from 1am. I just moved the bedtime for baby till midnight then they slept 6 hours

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/01/2026 23:52

well I guess baby is now 16 months old, since this thread is from May !

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