DH going away, 9 month old baby

[ChunkyFTMMum]

DH is planning on going to an event relating to his hobby. He'll be away for 6 days, requires an overnight flight. It's not for work or a stag go, no other good mate is going (although he'll know people there). He bought the tickets a year ago, when I was pregnant and had no idea how hard this stage would be.

Background:

• Baby is 9 months, wakes between 1-6 times a night (1 is rare, usually 2-3, 6 if he's teething).
• I work full time (I had to go back at 6 months).
• exclusively breastfeeding. I pump at work but baby is glued to me all evening and morning when I'm home
• baby is often extremely overtired in the evenings. I don't know if it's separation anxiety, or he doesn't sleep properly without me around, but he's often a nightmare from 6pm.

He's already been away for work a few times..so I am perfectly able to cope. But it's really really hard work, especially now I'm working full time. It just feels off. He said he'll cancel if I ask him to but then I'm the bad guy and I know he won't like it.

Yes, I can bank this to go away on my own at some point. And I will. But a long weekend with an older child who sleeps through the night and is not as intense is very very different.

It's a fucking hard stage. AIBU to think he should cancel? Wtf do I do? How do I approach this?

I'm really sorry he's chosen to go - and I'm sorry you've been given such a hard time on the thread - it's not hard to understand what you are explaining, and you sound like a wonderful mum.
FWIW I would be fuming if my husband did this. Its really bloody hard work at 9 months, (I remember expecting breastfeeding to get easier when they started on solids and being upset that it didn't) and lack of sleep is a killer. Plus doing everything else yourself and working full time! I think he's being incredibly selfish to go, and I would struggle with it. Is it worth another conversation with him to make it clear that you are really struggling, and he is putting a hobby above you?

😂

They feckin are crap , most of them any way 😂

Don't be so ridiculous. According to the NHS website, breast milk or formula is still important for energy and nutrients during the first year and should be their main drink until 12 months. OP's baby is 9 months old so breast milk is still an important part of their diet.

It turns out that he was lying. Since then OP has asked him to cancel his trip but she has said:

'His offer to cancel his trip turns out was an empty offer.'

He is determined to go, even though OP has asked him not to.

Surely this whole thread is a wind up.

9 months is incredibly difficult as there’s a huge sleep regression often mixed with teething.

Things are very likely to get better hy themselves but if they don’t you could try the No Cry Sleep Solution.

Make sure you’re taking a good supplement designed for BFing Mums, take to opportunity to have a few early nights, eat some microwave meals for a few days and get him to do as much of the cleaning before he goes as you can.

Both mine were fully on formula by 9 months. I was able to go on two hen dos and not pump by now.

That was my choice, I didn’t love bf. DH was fully supportive and said it was making me miserable so kick it.

I did see that OP said the opposite. Beggars belief her DH is particular about BF. I bet he is….. cheek of it. Knows gets him more of a free pass at her expense. I’d be interested to know your stance on BF, OP? I know you can’t just stop and probably don’t want to, but would you if he was supportive?

OP, do you feel this is a sign of things to come and him taking off like this shows an underlying degree of selfishness? I’d worry about his future plans and how much he puts me first.

I know someone that happened to, her DD stopped breastfeeding and refused formula, so the health visitor told her to start weaning her DD. She had gestational diabetes during that pregnancy and her DD has since been diagnosed with celiacs disease, so I don't know if any of that's linked. I've been told food isn't that important till babies are a year old, they still need their milk. Some days DS (nine months) doesn't get any food because I can't fit it in! (I'm not starving him, he still gets his milk.)

They need milk as well, but their iron stores start depleting from around 6 months so it's good to get solids in too.

Baby is allergic to formula.

His formula does have iron in it (he's on sma Alfamino because of his cow's milk protein allergy) but that's good to know. I've been trying to give him things like fish and chicken and green veggies (when he'll have them) as they're easier to chew than red meat. Doesn't help that my diet is shite at the moment, I find it hard to find the time to cook and eat, because by the time I've sorted DS out I don't have the energy.

Agree that some of the suggestions on this thread have been ridiculous, but the op has also been extremely rude to some people who have offered helpful suggestions. I don’t really have much sympathy. Maybe be as direct with your DH as you have been to some of the people on this thread ?instead of berating strangers on the internet just be straight up with your dh.

Imagine if the father of a 9 month old stropped because his wife wanted to attend a conference that would benefit her mental heath?

Mumsnet would explode.

if the father has been breastfeeding around the clock except for working and was exhausted, it’s his mental health that should be the focus. Is that part of your scenario?

Breastfeeding is a choice. Especially at 9 months.

Have you not read the ops post? I assume not as you must know that milk is a key part of a baby’s diet up till 1, and given the op has said that the baby is allergic to formula and the hypoallergenic formula didn’t work either, then breastfeeding it is. So you have an exhausted working mum breastfeeding regularly as it’s the only milk available to her baby and she’s putting her baby first, and you’ve come online to say she’s being totally unreasonable to expect support from her dh, he should prioritise his ‘mental health’ and go have fun for 6 days. How nice of you.

Completely unrelated to the OP, but if you want to include more red meat then I’ve found that making ‘meatballs’ (in finger shapes or patties so they’re easier to pick up and not a choking hazard shape) are by far the easiest and least messy way to get babies and toddlers to eat red meat.

I never gave calpol for teething. I never even really understood how you were supposed to know babies were “teething”. Either the teeth appeared or they didn’t. People would say their babies were teething for months with no sign of any teeth!

Ugh I’m so sorry OP, that is utterly shit if your DH. Where does that leave you now in terms of your relationship? Yes you will manage, but yes it will be very hard on you and you will resent him for it 😢

It isn't really a choice due to the baby having a severe allergy to formula. Plus, apparently her husband is very keen for her to keep breastfeeding.

Why on earth would OP stop breastfeeding, which is the best thing for her allergic baby, just to facilitate her husband's entirely selfish hobby trip.

The idea that the OP should make a choice with as much finality as stopping breastfeeding a 9 month old (when the NHS recommends continuing until 2) and that she doesn't feel is right, to facilitate her husband's hobby is one of the stupidest and most bizarre things I've read on here.

And that's saying something.

OP did state as one of the reasons he shouldn’t go was because her DH feels strongly about her BF. Made me question whether HE is the one putting the pressure on, and I asked her stance on it but didn’t get a reply. Convenient he feels so strongly about BF and yet takes off on a jolly. I would be furious.

@ChunkyFTMMum

OP, was my suggestion of help from a short-term nanny something you were able to consider?

You are having a rough time at the moment and help for a few weeks might make things a little easier.

www.norland.ac.uk/employing-a-norland-nanny/

Men who have opinions on breastfeeding are as bad as men who have opinions about abortion .

Presumably unless they’re in favour.