DH going away, 9 month old baby

[ChunkyFTMMum]

DH is planning on going to an event relating to his hobby. He'll be away for 6 days, requires an overnight flight. It's not for work or a stag go, no other good mate is going (although he'll know people there). He bought the tickets a year ago, when I was pregnant and had no idea how hard this stage would be.

Background:

• Baby is 9 months, wakes between 1-6 times a night (1 is rare, usually 2-3, 6 if he's teething).
• I work full time (I had to go back at 6 months).
• exclusively breastfeeding. I pump at work but baby is glued to me all evening and morning when I'm home
• baby is often extremely overtired in the evenings. I don't know if it's separation anxiety, or he doesn't sleep properly without me around, but he's often a nightmare from 6pm.

He's already been away for work a few times..so I am perfectly able to cope. But it's really really hard work, especially now I'm working full time. It just feels off. He said he'll cancel if I ask him to but then I'm the bad guy and I know he won't like it.

Yes, I can bank this to go away on my own at some point. And I will. But a long weekend with an older child who sleeps through the night and is not as intense is very very different.

It's a fucking hard stage. AIBU to think he should cancel? Wtf do I do? How do I approach this?

And when she goes back the work will still be there on top of what will need doing now. So she still has more work to do to facilitate his jolly

well it’s tough really because he’s going and so he should. As someone whose husband worked away for months at a time and also had a full time job I just can’t buy in to the drama of six nights alone being such an issue.

I understand what you are saying. I agree with you.

I just meant the op is nit in the UK. Don't know where but many countries dint have the same legal protections as in the uk.

So you've been in the exact same position have you?

Both at home and with work?

He's not going for work.

Yes, for months. Like every single parent or military wife. This is such a non event the OP is making a huge mountain out of a molehill.

I'm guessing you haven't actually tried cos sleeping. It's a game changer. My eldest was an awful sleeper, I'm talking about him waking 20+ times a night, the record was 26 times in one night. Co sleeping changed everything.

It doesn't sound like you like your baby or being a mum very much. I can't imagine ever wanting to be away from my children even for one night. It might be an idea to seek some support from your GP or health visitor.

So? It doesn’t matter why he’s going. She should be able to cope without making him feel dreadful, it was already agreed!

She isn't a single parent or a military wife. Her husband is making a choice to go on a jolly leaving his wife with a tricky baby, lack of sleep and a full time job.

She has explained this to him and he doesn't care.

You signed up to be a military wife. She did not sign up for this

OFFS

Read her posts.

Before they knew what the baby would be like at this stage. She admits they were naïve.

That's a wild thing to say. I love my daughter more than the world. I'm also really happy to enjoy some time off parenting. I went to stay with friends the other weekend, overnight. I enjoy evenings out and day trips without her. I love being a mum, the best time of my life.

Now you’re being overly dramatic. It’s just 6 nights. It’s really not a big deal - and she did sign up for it when she agreed in the first place!

Her DH is fucking off for 6 days without a care in the world and OP is the one who doesn't like her baby very much?

Struggle to see what you and your husband did got to do with her situation.

And this isn't working away.

He also offered not to go if things changed. Which they have. He's now going back on that deal.

You asked for advice but haven't been able to take any of it for different reasons. It is rubbish I get that . Maybe little things like getting easy teas in so you don't create any dishes in the kitchen. Try to go to bed when the baby does. Just cut corners where you can. You will get through it. It feels hard now but it'll pass. I know others have said it but you definitely have to return the favour and take a week yourself at some point. Don't get mad, get even. Good luck x

I can't lie OP, I'd be absolutely fuming. I'm all for giving each other time where possible, but 3 months back at work the fatigue sets in and novelty of being back wears off. Add to that the sleep deprivation and baby being attached to you constantly and it's utterly draining and the perfect circumstance for building resentment.
You're getting a hard time because your anger is misdirected but these people either had easy baby's (yes, by sheer luck and not your superior parenting, I have one of each so I know this for a fact), or would feel the same as you in the same circumstances and want to be the cool wife that never inconveniences her husband.
Make it clear you're pissed off at his empty offer to cancel, you want him to cancel it and seeing as he's chosen not to you expect him to make sure the house is sparkling clean and your fridge is stocked with meals ready to be heated quickly. You also need a couple of hours to yourself to get in the right frame of mind before he goes.

She hasn't asked for advice. She asked if she was being unreasonable. People couldn't handle that and decide to offer unsolicited advice. Including to quit her job and to give up breastfeeding.

Just because you don’t think it’s a big deal, that doesn’t make it fact. Other people find different things hard and you have no idea how OP is actually feeling so maybe try and have some more empathy. Telling woman with young children to basically suck it up because it’s not that hard is irresponsible.

One could say the same about DH's hobby. Just because she doesn't think it's a big deal doesn't mean it isn't, to him.

Op, have him do every night settle that you don’t need to breastfeed until you go. Say it’s your turn again, you’re taking 6 days off and don’t care how hard it will be for me to do the whole night and work, you can do still only part of the whole night since you can’t breastfeed and work and if that’s too hard then you’re a really selfish jerk Now go and settle your baby, and support your wife a teeny tiny bit.

Some of the replies on this thread are wild. Suggestions of leaving your job, stopping breastfeeding and that you don't like your child - bizarre!

Given how LOVELY you're being I can't think why the guy wants six days away for his hobby..