To think it's normal for post-pubescent children to not want to holiday with their parents?

[JamieCannister]

I understand that everyone is different, and that there is no right or wrong. But, am I being unreasonable to suggest that it is perfectly normal, by the age of circa 13 to 16, dependent on the individual, to NOT want to go on holiday with your parents / siblings ever again?

You ARE being unreasonable - people who hit adolescence and want to avoid holidays with their parents are weirdos or anti-social (or are victims of deeply abusive families).

You ARE NOT being unreasonable - it is perfectly normal to hit adolescence and want to live your own life with your own friends and not be forced to spend a week or two solid with your parents or siblings ever again.

I went on holidays with my mum right up until she couldn’t travel. I enjoyed her company and the trips were joint decisions. We went all over the world together and my DH joined us on many holidays from not long after we got together. My mum was super adventurous and adored Africa and Asia. I remember turning down a trip to Ibiza with my mates as we’d been planning to go somewhere and I preferred that trip with my mum! I often think of our trips together and have fab memories of her in random situations and us shaking laughing talking about it later.

My kids are young so I’ve no idea how it will pan out with them.

Well my mid 20s DDs are coming away with us in the summer. One went through a phase at 15/16 of not being keen but since then they’ve loved it. Also do hols with partners and friends.

They do get to an age when they’re struggling either as students or in a min wage job temporarily when they realise holidays with parents in nice hotels or villas are actually rather nice.

I don’t know any early teens who chose to stay home rather than go in a family holiday.

I have a 19 and a 17yr old and they love coming on holiday with me and their younger siblings. I've given them the option not to go and they were surprised I even suggested it. I do my best to pick holidays that will suit everyone. Not easy given the wide age ranges (6 - 41). But we manage to have a good time. And just because we're away together doesn't mean we have to spend 24/7 in each other's pockets.

I think if your teens would rather turn down a free holiday than spend time with you then you need to look at what kind of relationship you have with them.

I think you miss my point... my point was much more about how I think it is natural and normal for a 14 or 17 year old on summer holidays to want to spend as much time as possible with their friends and girl/boyfriend (if applicable), and not to want to spend a week or two with their parents 24/7 and unable to see their friends for the duration.

Maybe I am coming at this from my older perspective - whilst I was quite immature in many ways as a teen, I was also fairly mature in that I was working two hours a week (and getting myself the two miles there and back) from the age of 12.

Ummm, I think a lot of kids are joint custody?

I don't have teens. This is about my feelings when I was that age, compared to what I see on mumsnet. And my relationship with my parents was / is fairly good generally.

My parents stopped taking me oon holiday when I was 14. I just had no holidays after that.

Looking back , it astounds me and makes me sad.
My kids are 25 and 21 and we always give them the option of coming andif they want to, we pay for them.

I didn't go on holiday with my parents after the age of 15. This may have been because we went on caravan holidays in a small tourer in rainy fields in the UK tho.

I don't inflict these type of holidays on my children.

I was always fine with it, but I always had my own room after puberty - only child, so no siblings to consider and my parents didn’t think it right for me to share a room with my father at that age. I think I would have been more reluctant to go if I’d been sharing a room.

We also always chose holidays as a family, rather than something being imposed.

I think our society has a tendency to normalise strained relationships between teens and their parents as if that is some sort of inevitable developmental stage

Yes. Along with normalising and minimising awful behaviour from teens as if it's to just be accepted.

I've lost count of the posts on here along the lines of 'my 14 year old just told me to fuck off and stomped to their bedroom', followed by a tranche of 'aw it's normal hun, it's the age, just ignore them' type comments 👀. It's not normal in this house!

Your experience is just that though… the experience of 1. I loved holidaying with my parents up until the age of 21!

Our two still love coming on family holidays with us (21/15) but that’s because we do holidays that they will enjoy for our main family break. If we were insistent on only going on holidays that we enjoyed then I could understand them not being arsed at this age.

My mum and dad left us to go away abroad from when I was 16 and my brother was 18 and most of my friends were left from 18 (they were the older siblings) onwards. I missed going abroad but I didn’t really want to go with my parents. My parents were super cringey and obsessed with us having romantic interests. ‘Ooh I think he fancies you!’ No he just handed me back a flip flop I dropped! ‘Bet you fancy all those young barmen!’ No and then it was embarrassing as fuck to get a drink at the bar as my Dad had made all the stupid comments!

Oh and I should say I was very independent, I actually lived abroad when I was 20/21. Loved a paid for holiday with my parents though!

All the families I know with teenaged (and often older) children holiday together and enjoy the time. I know many older teens/early twenties who have asked to holiday with parents.

I think it’s really sad when teens actively do not want to spend time with their parents/family and think it’s often (in the families I’ve observed) an indicator of the way they’ve been brought up.

I think teens need both kinds of holidays. Teen camps / Duke of Edinburgh type stuff or just local special interest courses and a family holiday, when possible.

Obviously that's a luxury.

I have fond memories of both.

My DS's are 15 and 19 and still want to come on holiday with us, and while they still want to we will take them

My teens love family holidays. Maybe the fact we all enjoy each other’s company helps?!

It's normal that teens want to get some level of independence. Whether it manifests as not wanting to go or holiday or not depends on the specific family.
Is not going on the holiday the only way to get some time off parents? Or do they have enough choices in everyday life, and can happily choose to go to the holiday?

Ha ha yes indeed. Mine will come when it’s our cost 😂

Of course it's normal, and it's healthy!

They start being independent and prefer having holidays with friends, what's wrong with that.

It doesn't mean parents stop including them, you take them with you anyway - and they usually end up having a great time if you are a normal family.

Unless it's a specific ski or activity holiday, it's a bit weird for teens to be desperate to go with mummy and daddy frankly.

My parents didn’t get on so there were no family holidays past about the age of 10 for me. I’m always jealous of families that holiday together. I feel like I really missed out. I can’t afford much now but always take my teen DD somewhere even if it’s just a weekend away. She hasn’t turned her nose up yet and she’s 16.

I think it’s normal not to want to. I also think it’s normal to want to. Like you say - it depends on individuals and circumstances and the type of holiday. I think I was 16 on the last holiday I had with my parents. After that I greatly enjoyed having the house to myself for a week while they went away.

I’m the youngest in the family and I get on really well with my parents; they were very easygoing and also kind of treated me as an adult, so I enjoyed the sophistication of eating in nice restaurants and drinking wine etc on holiday. I imagine I might have enjoyed it less if I’d been the oldest of four or something and been expected to do kiddie stuff. When my sister was a teenager she used to bring a friend with her so she could go off and do teenage stuff.

Unless it's a specific ski or activity holiday, it's a bit weird for teens to be desperate to go with mummy and daddy frankly

the lives some people must lead 😂

I went happily with my parents until I was 16. Eldest DC is 15 and loves the family holiday. Lucky as they couldn't stay home even if they wanted to.

Also, most wouldn't get a holiday at all if they didn't go with their parents.