To think it's normal for post-pubescent children to not want to holiday with their parents?

[JamieCannister]

I understand that everyone is different, and that there is no right or wrong. But, am I being unreasonable to suggest that it is perfectly normal, by the age of circa 13 to 16, dependent on the individual, to NOT want to go on holiday with your parents / siblings ever again?

You ARE being unreasonable - people who hit adolescence and want to avoid holidays with their parents are weirdos or anti-social (or are victims of deeply abusive families).

You ARE NOT being unreasonable - it is perfectly normal to hit adolescence and want to live your own life with your own friends and not be forced to spend a week or two solid with your parents or siblings ever again.

My dc is nearly 20. She goes on holiday with her boyfriend and with her mates, but she still wants to come on holiday with us as well. And we are more than happy to have her.

Lots of teens and parents do actually enjoy each other's company. Of course, the dynamics will be different if they don't get on.

I wonder if it depends on if you have siblings and how well you get on with them. As a teen I would have such a laugh with my sister on holidays

You can’t vote either way based on your extremes.
It also completely depends on the child / the holiday / how involved they are in the planning etc
At 12-16 the teens still wanted to come, we made sure we picked somewhere that has some things to entice them but allowed them freedom once we were there to make friends (or on the odd occasion take friends).
At 17, my DS decided to stay at home, he thought he might book something with his gf for his 18th. That never really happened.
At 18 he had decided he wants to come again this year and is bringing his gf along.

I think that is two separate issues - I think it is normal not to want to go away with family at that age, but that doesn't mean that at 13/14/15 they are old enough to opt out

Your poll is ridiculous. It is perfectly normal for teenagers to still happily go on holiday with parents but they're well be some who don't want to. That doesn't make them weirdos.

I had issue with my parents, but overall they did a decent enough job, but as soon as I was post-puberty my attitude was that I wanted time to myself or with friends, and did not want to hang out with my parents.

I was informed this would happen with day trips out or just trips into town - happened way later than anyone said and usually they still wanted to do the days out still.

In fact think it's only been the eldest who ever said no to a trip out - one to local arts cinerma and few times to shopping trip to next city just before she headed off to uni. She house and cat sat for us when she declined the beach hoilday - but there was a local love interest as well at time and the got the house for a week.

I think I stopped going out with my parents sooner than my kids did with us - but that was partly as my parents were strict with how I dressed - they didn't like jeans and trousers - and could be scathing about what I worse - I also attracted unwanted male attention as developed a large chest early despite dressing to hide that - so staying home and not "embarrassing" them was often better for me - though I don't think we ever spoke about it. Staying home wasn't right either and they'd turn it round as me being embarrassed about them.

Yes op - I think it's normal that a certain percentage of perfectly normal teens will find it boring/ embarassing/ etc being with family all week and will just feel they are missing out on parties/ hangouts with their peers at home.

I'm sure this goes in waves over teen years and some children clearly are more impacted by that 'cringe' factor than others. I liked some holidays as a teen - if I could be left alone to read a lot! but I also remember crying because I felt I was 'missing out' by being away ! that's totally 'normal' teen feelings.

Don’t understand your ‘post puberty’ point.

It sounds like you’re reflecting on your personal experience as a teenager with your family.

Imagine what’s ‘normal’ for teens of various ages and situations is broad. Agree that some teens might well prefer not to go on family holidays. For diverse reasons.

My sibling was one. There were challenges in our family that likely affected their preferences about holidays. My DN is another: again, IMO partly or even mainly due to challenges in the family.

This sums it up for me. I think your perspective is 100% normal, even if it is also normal for kids to want to keep going they get older.

I can't remember the first time I was left home alone... it might have been 15, might have been a year earlier. I did have a grandad who lived VERY VERY close which meant I wasn't alone alone.

We only did one holiday abroad as a family, and not until I was 17. All other family holidays were camping, so yeah I wasn't keen on them, probably from early teen years. I remember being left at a family friend's house for a week probably when I was 15ish. So I'd say it can be normal for teens. Maybe it would have been different if we did all inclusive holidays in the sun?!

I wouldn't choose to go on holiday with my parents now, not that we don't get on generally but more than a few days together and I'm tearing my hair out!!

Adolescence is full of trials and contradictions.
Although an adolescent may say one thing it may not be a genuine reflection to how they feel.
A holiday with parents might mean time away from a particular friend or friends. Or the inability to do XYZ (some of which is stuff they might not want parents to know about).
You need more info.

Family is family, and it is incredibly important. I am into my sixth decade and have seen my dad twice in the last 4 days. I can enjoy spending time with my parents (dad now) and like them, whilst massively preferring the company of people who I have a lot more in common with in terms of interests (things to do and things to talk about).

We've let our teens go off by themsleves on hoilday - definitely expecting eldest to do that next time and likely with younger two.

Also we often have a chill out time in front of TV or in own rooms - so get up early do something be back for midday meal then chill for a bit then be out again later.

My family it was 24/7 and all day on the beach - though again partly a money issue we were further out accomodation wise then - DH and I pay more to be close so can pop in and out more easily which suits us all - as can go to rooms and chill for a bit.

Is it not ENTIRELY NORMAL for relationships between teens and parents to be strained? Parents are trying to parent responsibly, teens are trying to forge their adult identity and push boundaries?

Perfectly normal means it's the norm. I don't think it is the norm for 13 - 16 yo to not want to go on family holiduys to be honest. I would say that's more unusual. Most teens that age that I teach talk excitedly about going on holiday....and at that age they aren't travelling alone. I would sat the age at with they would prefer to go with their mates is post 16.

Before puberty kids are more dependent on their parents, and less likely to have hormones screaming at them not to leave their girl/boyfriend at home for two weeks.

After puberty kids are racing towards becoming independent adults.

I would say "common" rather than "normal".

It is also very common for teens to have very good relationships with their parents, without the kind of strain that you describe.

I didn't go on holiday with my parents after age 16 albeit it was in caravan and most of the was spent in the pub. My DS is 24 and still comes on holiday with us, though we do pay for him. Dd only stopped when she had her own children. Depends where you go and what you do I suppose.

3 of our holidays each year involve visiting my parents (albeit in a nice part of the country) my 16 year old is done with it!
What 16 year old wants to hang out with old people, no wifi/technology/weird food (, they eat a lot of meat) when they could be with their mates? We have to do so much compromising/bribery to get her to come with. I don't even want to go so why should she?
Obvs if we're going somewhere nice with just me and her father or me, her mate and my friend she's onboard 100%!

This in a nutshell.

I have two young adults dcs.
Theyve always loved spending time on hols with us, parents.
As adults, they still enjoy going away with me.
Gosh, they even enjoy spending time away with their grandparents 😜

But, rather than the close nit family idea, we’ve always been careful that the hols would be something they enjoyed.

I find it a bit sad that you dint have anything in common with your parents that going away with them aren’t appealing at all

The back of the car - as an only child - was my experience of holidays in Normandy and Brittany. We didn’t even go to the South of sodding France!

From the age of 15, I absolutely refused to go again.

Is it not ENTIRELY NORMAL for relationships between teens and parents to be strained? Parents are trying to parent responsibly, teens are trying to forge their adult identity and push boundaries?

Not sure TBH - way many on here and in RL insist it always is but we've not found that with our kids - DH never found that with his parents.

I am parenting repsonsibly as well - I think were just lucky in their peronalities and building on the bonds we made when they were younger - so yes they push boundaries but in a respectful way mostly - and we respond in kind though will get very firm and explain why at times and call out any disrespect with them.

I think it is perfectly normal to like football, and perfectly normal not to, and it does not matter which side has a majority, both preferences are normal.

Wishing to make football (or family holidays) illegal would be abnormal.

If you are 50s/60s, your teen hood would have been very different to a modern teenagers.

For one thing, a large amount of their socialising is online and they can carry on doing it on holiday, they just need a hotel with WiFi! Plus most left school at 16, not 18. Amodern 15yo is a lit younger in many ways than a 15yo even 20 years ago.