Friend not talking to me because I shared a photo from her Wedding

[ByTidyHare]

I attended my best friends wedding a few weeks ago. The day after, I posted some photos to Instagram which were mainly of me and my DP, with one of them of myself and my friend.

This was posted in the morning and on the same afternoon, my friend messaged me to ask I took it down as she didn’t want any photos posted from the day. I said of course and removed it. Before the ceremony, there was an announcement not to upload anything to social media which I assumed related solely to the ceremony and as we were quite near the back, I didn’t take any photos of this anyway. The photo of my friend and I was taken later that evening.

My friend went on her honeymoon soon after. I learnt from another friend whilst she was away that she was really upset with me for uploading the photo and that it ruined her reveal of the day/dress with professional photos as people would have seen it on my page for the few hours it was uploaded.

I didn’t want to message my friend whilst she was still away so I waited until she returned. I apologised, said I was horrified and that I’d mis-understood the instructions thinking they only related to the ceremony.

She replied to say she was still really upset and that I took away the reveal which she’d only have one chance to do in her life and she can’t believe I ignored her wishes. I again apologised but she hasn’t spoke to me since and I’ve learnt from another friend that she doesn’t think she will forgive me.

AIBU to think my friend is now over reacting or is her reaction proportionate?

She asked you not to post ANYTHING on social media.. and you posted a picture of her on social media.

I don't really get on board with this reveal nonsense (aside from at "each to their own" type acceptance), but I do think it is just basic courtesy to not post pictures of other people on social media unless you KNOW they will 100% be okay with it.

Social media is awful for this though, my MIL has asked repeatedly not to post pictures of her teenage grandkids, she has ignored over and over again and now they will not let her take ANY pictures of them whatsoever.. which I think is a bit sad, but completely understand why they have decided that, as she just wasn't respecting their wishes.

You don’t post a photo of someone in their wedding dress “announcing their marriage” to social media before the newly wed’s post, you don’t post photos of someone’s baby before the parents do and you don’t post someone’s photos of their engagement before the newly engaged couple do.

I’m surprised at the amount of people that think the bride is in the wrong, and I can see why she is upset with you. You’ve apologised, not sure what else you can do to be honest.

But she didn’t say not to post pics of her without permission? OP thought she said not to post her ceremony, which OP has misunderstood. We all make mistakes. The friend is a wannabe Kardashian who thinks she merits a big SM reveal. If that’s your type of person then fair enough but if I was the OP I’d be taking a huge step back from this level of drama about a simple misunderstanding.

If there was some issue around her/any of her guest's needing to avoid their photos being on social media (due to a crazy ex, stalker etc) she is NBU. However if she is doing the whole 'controlling the photos' bullshit then YANBU.

I think it was a bit rude of you tbh!

She sounds ridiculous. A ‘reveal’… what next! Most of her loved ones will have seen her on the day. I couldn’t cope with this tbh, why do people lose their minds on their wedding day?!

Honestly it’s a well known fact you don’t post a pic of the bride till they have but ESPECIALLY if they have said don’t post pics

you say you don’t go on sm much but you posted a pic of you and bride before she had

yes she’s a bit ott with her reveal as those who matter would have been at the wedding but you still did what she asked everyone not to !!

The idea of the 'reveal' would have me rolling my eyes so far back in my head I'd have to walk backwards to see where I was going.

But I still think you were wrong to post the photo.

Maybe there were people she would have liked to be at the wedding but couldn't be. You assumed that what was said - no photos - didn't actually mean what was said.

Six one and half a dozen of the other.

Wtf is she revealing? Presumably all the important people in her life were at the wedding and saw her in person on the day.

You'd think.

How is it announcing the marriage? Anyone who recognised the bride in the photo would presumably know she was getting married, and if they didnt know she was getting married they can't be someone with any relevance to the bride.

I think you shouldn’t have posted a photo of the bride when she asked everyone not to. Did everyone else manage? I can understand her being annoyed about it, but you removed it when she asked. I think she’ll cool down eventually.

I was annoyed my brother in law posted he’d become an uncle to a baby girl on Facebook literally before I’d recovered from giving birth (hubbie had messaged immediate family when she safely arrived). But I didn’t berate him about it and have never mentioned it.

Ahh, got it, thanks.

It's a common expression here.

OP is in the wrong and nothing you say will make me change my mind, sorry

It's not that hard not to publish them though, is it? The desperate need to publish photos of someone else's wedding on SM is almost as narcissistic as the controlling Bridezilla insisting nothing slips past her without her prior approval. You went to a wedding. Big deal. No-one really cares or needs to see the photo within 24 hours, do they? Just do as you were asked and sit on it for a while.

When I got married dinosaurs still roamed the earth and people lined up for photos in very strict order, with rictus grins on their faces. My photographer chose the photo to send off for publication in the local paper, as was the way then, and he didn't ask me to approve his choice first. It was one I hated and I felt a bit violated by it. 😂There I was looking gorgeous in my meringue dress, with loads of gorgeous photos to choose from, and he'd picked one where I looked like a gurning fool with four chins and teeth like Red Rum. These things matter to a bride. A lot. But at least it was only one issue of the Orpington Gazette in 1842, next week's fish and chip paper, not the entire world on FB or Instagram that saw it, where it would stay forever more.

This.

She's utterly insane. Literally nobody but her cares about her wedding day (probably not even her husband), and aren't sitting tight behind their screens in anticipation of her dumb, boring wedding photos reveal. I hate this kind of fake performance, and people who think they're so special and the center of the universe that their mundane life events need any "reveals" on social media. I would not grovel any further.

Wedding photo etiquette aside, is there a back story to your friendship that may have had her looking for an excuse to bin off your friendship @ByTidyHare? You say she's your best friend but you weren't one of her bridesmaids.

She’s over the top but I think it’s etiquette to not share anything until you see the bride herself sharing first

Wow. Is this a thing now? I feel so awful for the person that just legally attached themselves to her. Imagine putting your image above your own friends? Even if I did understand why someone would be such an overinflated turd of a human being about a ceremony that's about love and companionship and bringing your friends and family together, not how you look to random people on social media who didn't come to your wedding, surely you and your friendship mean more to her than acquaintances seeing her dress on social media? Surely she knows you meant well and that actually you just wanted to share what a great time you had as her friend? I had professional photos done at my wedding and my favourites are mostly just the ones my friends and mum took even though the wedding photos looked lovely (and candid as instructed!). They meant more because they were taken by people I loved who enjoyed being there to celebrate with me.

Honestly she sounds like she isn't really a good friend anyway. You're not a bad person, social media has just made everyone be so self absorbed. Get new friends and get rid of your socials. Best thing you could ever do, she really lacks substance.

But the 'reveal' happens on the wedding day to the people she invited. You SM people.... sheesh.

One of my best friends did this and I felt it a bit thoughtless and unkind. We had a tiny wedding and her posting pictures of me was the first many of our mutuals knew I was married (sparking a whole other problem for me). Friend has never apologised but I would have been grateful and accepting if she had.

True.

It's not that hard, but why wouldn't they?

You have to be an entitled idiot to stop friends from publishing photos of themselves. The wedding is not that special that it needs to be hidden.

Of course, don't publish a specific photo of the actual bride when she asked you not to - however bridezilla she's being - but requesting NO PHOTO at all?

If your kid or grand-kid is a flower girl, of course some people will want to post them.
And if someone wants to put a photo of themselves with their special make-up, in front of what is supposed to be a pretty setting, so what? People should get over themselves.

Yes "the reveal" is silly and it does come across as quite precious, but isn't the most likely explanation that she secretly didn't like the photo and didn't think it was flattering? I have to say I wouldn't be happy at all if someone posted an unflattering photo of me on my wedding day online before I'd even had a chance to put up decent ones. Ending the friendship over it is overkill, but she'll probably calm down about that.