Friend not talking to me because I shared a photo from her Wedding

[ByTidyHare]

I attended my best friends wedding a few weeks ago. The day after, I posted some photos to Instagram which were mainly of me and my DP, with one of them of myself and my friend.

This was posted in the morning and on the same afternoon, my friend messaged me to ask I took it down as she didn’t want any photos posted from the day. I said of course and removed it. Before the ceremony, there was an announcement not to upload anything to social media which I assumed related solely to the ceremony and as we were quite near the back, I didn’t take any photos of this anyway. The photo of my friend and I was taken later that evening.

My friend went on her honeymoon soon after. I learnt from another friend whilst she was away that she was really upset with me for uploading the photo and that it ruined her reveal of the day/dress with professional photos as people would have seen it on my page for the few hours it was uploaded.

I didn’t want to message my friend whilst she was still away so I waited until she returned. I apologised, said I was horrified and that I’d mis-understood the instructions thinking they only related to the ceremony.

She replied to say she was still really upset and that I took away the reveal which she’d only have one chance to do in her life and she can’t believe I ignored her wishes. I again apologised but she hasn’t spoke to me since and I’ve learnt from another friend that she doesn’t think she will forgive me.

AIBU to think my friend is now over reacting or is her reaction proportionate?

If I was getting married, I genuinely wouldn’t care who posted photos of the wedding the next day. I’m not precious like that, but some people are.

But, you went against your friends wishes. You should have respected the announcement: not to upload anything to social media.

As much as it seems crazy and “bridezilla” I think she has every right to be upset and annoyed at you.

All you can do is apologise and own up to making a sloppy error. Obviously you wouldn’t have intended to cause her upset so hopefully she realises this in a couple of weeks and gets over it.

I'm torn. The friend sounds like a prize-class pain in the arse. I couldn't be doing with all this 'big reveal' shtick.

But she DID give fair warning about not posting to SM and OP ignored that. If you weren't sure whether the edict (!) referred only to the ceremony or the whole shebang why take the risk?

She’s crazy. Presumably her family and friends were at the wedding and saw the dress anyway. I have never seen a wedding where no one is allowed to upload photos. Let along wait for the ‘reveal’ no one gives a fuck.

She sounds self obsessed and quite ridiculous. Anyone who cared what her dress looked like would have been at the wedding. People on your social media who know both of you will either have already seen it or be pissed off not to have been invited. People who know you but don’t know her won’t care at all. Big reveal - who does she think she is?

Most people know not to post pictures until the bride and groom have anyway, even without an announcement. It's not the end of the world though and I wouldn't end a friendship over it.

Why would you want to continue a friendship with the type of person who does social media reveals of wedding dresses and gets this upset about this nonsense? If it were me I’d count it as a lucky escape and try to meet some women who are deeper than puddles.

You shouldn’t have posted photos of the bride before checking she was okay with it.

BUT, yeah she’s being completely ridiculous. Nobody cares about her bloody reveal! Anybody who would care would have been at the wedding and seen her anyway.

She’s being very precious and needs to get over it now. Like someone else said everyone important to her would have seen the dress on the day and no one else will care.

As a general rule though, people usually don’t post pics of the bride on social media until she has done so herself.

Wtf? Surely the majority of people who she cared about would have been at the wedding to see her dress? Surely the wedding day was the reveal?

I would want to be the first person to post wedding photos, why didn't she get in there first?

Probably easier just to have big signs up telling people they can't post any photos of themselves having fun and enjoying the day until the bridezilla has 'spoken' by doing the first photo upload to all those VIPs on the internet.

It’s tacky to post a photo of someone’s wedding the day after their wedding when they haven’t posted anything.
It’s even more crazy when you do know that you were asked not to and you did it anyway but now blame your friend for being upset rather than yourself.

Did she have a deal with Hello! Magazine or something?

I disagree with a lot of people here. She doesn't have to be a celebrity to have a valid preference for her pictures not to be posted. It's her wedding and she doesn't have to justify her preferences.

But I also think that given it was a misunderstanding, she shouldn't end a friendship over something so trivial in comparison. But it depends if there is more going on and this is just the straw that broke the camel's back.

I think the fact you apologised should be enough. If not, I think there's more going on. Or maybe she has just been over your friendship for a while.

This. Your friend is a ridiculous Bridezilla

Honestly though, you posted a picture of the bride before she did and ignored her ask not to do this - she has a right to be upset whether you think a reveal is a thing or not.

Honestly OP, let her off.
You made a mistake but she wants to drag it out.

I would accept her decision and let her crack on with life.
Life is too short.
Clearly she is lacking drama in her life to not want to move on.
Lesson learned regarding weddings, stretching yourself financially is a really thankless business.

It's not frustrating.

What part of do not upload to social media do you not understand?

You tried to steal her thunder on her day.

Hen parties abroad should be banned unless all your friends are multi millionaires with live in nannies. It's a ridiculous trend, completely out of hand and causes so much stress to so many people. Especially if you are at that age where you are never far away from yet another friend's wedding and you have four or five friends who think you have nothing better to spend your time, money and precious childcare on than celebrating them for three or four days at a time.

Monica?

I've literally worked in wedding planning for 12 years and never heard that. So no they dont.

She asked you not to post it on social media and yet you felt it was appropriate to post a photo anyway?

Whether you agree or not, it was a perfectly reasonable request to not post anything until she had a chance to do it herself.

Yes - with a baby, when you push it out, you are not usually watched by an assortment of 100 close friends, family, work colleagues and obscure cousins you haven't seen since 2006 but your parents insisted had to be there!

Exactly!

Fuck me, no one gives a shit about her wedding photos. People will make all the right noises, and the ones who were there will be eagerly looking for themselves in the background of the photos to see if they look fat, but that’s as far as it will go.

Most people will just scroll on.

I always weirdly in awe of people who think others give a shit about their lives. I’d love to live in that level of delusion.

If it helps (I doubt it) my cousin shared name and weight: arrival of my son in FB before me, I’m still not over it. It was s 10 years ago.