Friend not talking to me because I shared a photo from her Wedding

[ByTidyHare]

I attended my best friends wedding a few weeks ago. The day after, I posted some photos to Instagram which were mainly of me and my DP, with one of them of myself and my friend.

This was posted in the morning and on the same afternoon, my friend messaged me to ask I took it down as she didn’t want any photos posted from the day. I said of course and removed it. Before the ceremony, there was an announcement not to upload anything to social media which I assumed related solely to the ceremony and as we were quite near the back, I didn’t take any photos of this anyway. The photo of my friend and I was taken later that evening.

My friend went on her honeymoon soon after. I learnt from another friend whilst she was away that she was really upset with me for uploading the photo and that it ruined her reveal of the day/dress with professional photos as people would have seen it on my page for the few hours it was uploaded.

I didn’t want to message my friend whilst she was still away so I waited until she returned. I apologised, said I was horrified and that I’d mis-understood the instructions thinking they only related to the ceremony.

She replied to say she was still really upset and that I took away the reveal which she’d only have one chance to do in her life and she can’t believe I ignored her wishes. I again apologised but she hasn’t spoke to me since and I’ve learnt from another friend that she doesn’t think she will forgive me.

AIBU to think my friend is now over reacting or is her reaction proportionate?

I think she’s being a bit precious, but what you did was worse and wrong. Why would you do that? Just to be the first to post of her day? 🙄

My friends daughter is 30 and single. In the past year more than a dozen of her friends have gotten engaged.
She has decided to take a leave of absence from work to go travelling during 2027 and that is her excuse to avoid all Hens and most weddings, she is saving to head off.
She reckons avoiding them will pay for her trip.
When I read about the moronic self absorbed behaviour of brides like on this thread, it makes me think her plan is pure genius!

Anyone with any common courtesy and respect does. Social media really is a disease though.

She's mad. Leave her to her self-obsession.

I've been told what I can and can't wear to a wedding too. No dusky pink, or pink at all. No baby or powder blue but must be pastels because that wasthe theme.

What the bloody hell is happening with people.

It is! Good luck to her!

Oh my god 🤣! It's all for "the photos" apparently! As if any wedding photos looked bad because of the guests choice of colour.
One of the worst I heard was everyone had to wear black or white! Can you imagine?

But people do it !!!!
This is the problem.
I didn't, I said I couldn't make it

Oh, I'd be the same. Such weird, controlling behaviour.

So, you made a mistake, based on an honest misunderstanding, which may have been her fault anyway, since you say the message wasn't clear.

Either way, you immediately took it down when she requested it.

And you've apologized. More than once.

But that's not good enough for her. She won't forgive you and has cut you out of her life for this "crime," at least for the time being. This, in spite of how much you spent to attend her pre-wedding function and in spite of thinking to buy her an extra nice wedding gift, which she didn't thank you for. And of course, in spite of you apologizing, explaining and taking it down immediately, upon discovering she didn't like it. Wow.

I think you're much better off without her, to be honest. She sounds totally self-absorbed and nasty. It doesn't make her look any better that she seems to actually believe anyone gives a sh*t about seeing her "big reveal" of herself in her wedding gown after the wedding. (They don't).

Unless she has some super redeeming qualities to make up for all of the above, I'd take this chance to sure this estrangement is permanent. And be sure to celebrate your good fortune in being able to get rid of her. :)

Reveal?! As if guests cared about the dress. It may be important for the bride but it’s a complete non event for guests. YANBU.

I think it’s appalling that people need to be asked not to share photos. Everyone should know that the bride posts first. It’s like posting a picture of someone’s baby, or announcing the birth before the parents etc. It’s common courtesy.

She sounds utterly bonkers.

Be thankful bridezilla isn't speaking to you.

This is quite funny because all the weddings I've been to with a "no social media posts" rule were because the couple didn't want any photos of their wedding on the internet - not on their accounts either. It was because of privacy, the opposite of wanting to be celebrities. That was about 10 years ago, mind.

In this case, the whole "my reveal" thing is wanky and it certainly sounds like an overreaction - HOWEVER as silly as we may find it, it was a pretty bloody clear instruction and pretty bloody easy to follow. It doesn't matter why the couple stipulate no social media posts - if you're a guest at their wedding you respect that simple request.

If I got married I'd probably stipulate no pictures on social media for similar reasons to my friends - I want privacy. And I'd be very pissed off if anyone was dim or thoughtless enough to ignore that.

No it isn't. Most people post photos of themselves and their partners/friends at weddings rather than posting the wedding itself. People pay a lot of time and money usually attending a wedding, of course lots want to post photos of themselves in a nice outfit with decent hair and make up with people they might not see often. Posting photos of yourself is ridiculously different to posting a picture of someone else's child 🙃OP waited a few weeks and didn't post any photos of the ceremony itself; as has been said, surely the majority of people the bride would want to see the photos were there anyway. I loved seeing people's photos of our wedding, it was still special when the official photos arrived. It'd be different imo if they didn't want any photos of themselves on social media, I'd have only deleted the one with her in it though.

I would also stop apologising as her behaviour is really childish. She obviously does not value your friendship much if she is prepared to stop speaking to you for something as ridiculous as this. I really would count yourself lucky you found out what is really important to her now.

she sounds a bit crazy with this whole ‘reveal’ but surely everyone knows now that you wait for the bride & groom to post their photos before adding your own. They shouldn’t have to ask, but did, and you still ignored it. Surely it should have been clear why bride didn’t want guest photos on before her own? That said, you’ve apologised and seems ridiculous she is not speaking to you. I spent today clearing out a good friend’s flat, she died last month, very suddenly and way too young. Your friend should realise there was no malice intended and you’ve apologised. If she can’t let it go, then she’s a friend you should let go.

Is your friend a celebrity?

I don't understand the replies. Everybody going "who cares". She cares. She! That is enough. Doesen't matter if whst she asks you perceive as unreasonable (is not, is her wedding, she just asked to wait untill she posted her expensive photos). Is not about the reveal, is that she paid to have proffessional photos done, uploading those photos that have a much stronger impact for herself and for others (social media upload of the wedding photos is less for those who were at the wedding, but more for those who didn't attend). She told you not to and you did it anyway. You misunderstood, let her, it will pass. But don't minimise what is important for others just because it is not for you. (This is more for the pther posters who answered not the OP). Is the same when people take pictures of others (at the coffee, dinner, party groups) and upload them without permission. Many people are not photogenic or have confidence issues and don't like pictures they have no control over, unless you know me very well and you have my consent, don't upload me and tag me on your page, thank you!

People understand but just find it pathetic.

Your friend sounds absolutely pathetic. She really needs to get a grip.

I really can’t be arsed to read all of this but OP please do tell your “friend”
to fuck off and stop being such a twat.

If they would understand they wouldn't find it pathethic. Why is the posters need to post on social media such picture of friend more important than friend's need not to post? Post yourself away as much as you want, but if someone asks you not to post pictures of them, you don't, no questions asked. Doesen't matter you find it bonkers, is her in that picture. Is called manners.

It's more pathetic to just ignore a simple request as a wedding guest (or to be so dim as to misunderstand it).