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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend not talking to me because I shared a photo from her Wedding

660 replies

ByTidyHare · 04/05/2025 16:53

I attended my best friends wedding a few weeks ago. The day after, I posted some photos to Instagram which were mainly of me and my DP, with one of them of myself and my friend.

This was posted in the morning and on the same afternoon, my friend messaged me to ask I took it down as she didn’t want any photos posted from the day. I said of course and removed it. Before the ceremony, there was an announcement not to upload anything to social media which I assumed related solely to the ceremony and as we were quite near the back, I didn’t take any photos of this anyway. The photo of my friend and I was taken later that evening.

My friend went on her honeymoon soon after. I learnt from another friend whilst she was away that she was really upset with me for uploading the photo and that it ruined her reveal of the day/dress with professional photos as people would have seen it on my page for the few hours it was uploaded.

I didn’t want to message my friend whilst she was still away so I waited until she returned. I apologised, said I was horrified and that I’d mis-understood the instructions thinking they only related to the ceremony.

She replied to say she was still really upset and that I took away the reveal which she’d only have one chance to do in her life and she can’t believe I ignored her wishes. I again apologised but she hasn’t spoke to me since and I’ve learnt from another friend that she doesn’t think she will forgive me.

AIBU to think my friend is now over reacting or is her reaction proportionate?

OP posts:
Brefugee · 04/05/2025 18:54

ThatGreatMember · 04/05/2025 18:10

But the 'reveal' happens on the wedding day to the people she invited. You SM people.... sheesh.

Edited
Show quote history

meh.

I got married on a day when about half my family couldn't attend - there were a lot of reasons why it was when it was. And while this was way before social media - my loathing of having my photo taken extended to not having an official photographer and only 2 pictures of me on that day exist.

If it had been during the last few years, and i - for whatever batshit reason of my own - asked people not to upload photos, you can bet your bottom dollar that anyone who did would be eased off my christmas card list.

I, for one, am not an "SM person"

itsgettingweird · 04/05/2025 18:55

Who’s she revealing it to?

surely her nearest and dearest were there and saw it and everyone else is just your friends in SM who saw it?

TimeForATerf · 04/05/2025 19:01

So did you post a picture of her in her dress before she had had chance to do it? I’m very conscious from my adult DC that posting before the bride and groom is a no no if it includes them. You are your partner and friends is ok though.

Nyell · 04/05/2025 19:05

I wouldn’t post photos of someone else’s wedding on social media, but your friend is being ridiculous. Unless you’ve just scuppered her deal with Hello, obviously.

user3879208717 · 04/05/2025 19:05

Can’t say I’d give two hoots about the frock of someone who didn’t invite me to the wedding. Does she think she’s some sort of minor Celeb?

crazeekat · 04/05/2025 19:05

It’s pathetic. Fair enough she didn’t want any pics but u apologised numerous times and honestly it’s not that mental that everyone is waiting for this big reveal, so childish, none has died. And if she’s happy to lose u as her as a friend over something as silly then she wasn’t a good friend in the first place

Gwenhwyfar · 04/05/2025 19:06

What a stupid cow.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/05/2025 19:12

jackstini · 04/05/2025 16:59

You screwed up - she told everyone not to post on social media

I cant believe anyone would consider posting a photo of the bride in her dress before she’s agreed you can

She’s being over dramatic about the whole ‘reveal’ thing, but you need to give her time to get over it

Really? I can't believe anybody can get worked up about this stuff. The important thing about getting married is making a success of the relationship. The wedding is trivial in the great scheme of things. I feel very fortunate to have got married long before social media existed. It was all much simpler back then.

Iloveacurry · 04/05/2025 19:14

Honestly she sounds like a bridezilla! You’ve apologised several times, just leave her to it now.

Livpool · 04/05/2025 19:15

She is being ridiculous! She didn’t know how she looked - did she not have a mirror?? I can’t stand people like this - far too precious

DollydaydreamTheThird · 04/05/2025 19:15

I'm so glad I have normal friends.😂

Orangemintcream · 04/05/2025 19:18

I couldn’t be friends with someone this self absorbed.

Weddings are really not that exciting unless you are the bride and groom. For other people? Not so much. They don’t care that much about your “colour scheme” or your special menu with different desserts for men to women, your dress, the photos or the venue.

They probably do care about the food, the weather and the drinks though.

JustSawJohnny · 04/05/2025 19:18

While I do think you were quite thoughtless, she is absolutely being OTT about it.

The whole 'ruined my one chance' thing is so ridiculous.

Nobody gives a shit about other people's wedding dresses, FFS.

You've apologised. You can't do any more. If she continues on this road of 'my wedding reveal was ruined' thing she's only going to make herself look a twat to everyone she moans to.

Anewdawnanewname · 04/05/2025 19:23

It’s an unwritten rule not to share a photo of the bridal party until they have. Saying that, it makes not a jot of difference if people see the dress on your post or on her post. She’s only really revealing to her followers, as important people would have been at the wedding, and so you’ll have different followers so it won’t matter. Plus she’s not a celeb, so her followers won’t care enough. She’ll calm down and either realise she’s been silly losing a friend over something that doesn’t matter, or she’ll be stubborn over it. You’ve apologised and taken it down and that’s all you can do.

Tandora · 04/05/2025 19:23

At some point she will presumably realise that literally nobody cares what she wore to her wedding except her, and possibly slightly her husband. Then I guess she’ll get over it. In the meantime I’d be giving her a wide berth!!

Westfacing · 04/05/2025 19:23

ruined her reveal

What is it with all this 'reveal' stuff? Like they've got an exclusive deal with Hello magazine!

Anyone not invited to the wedding will not be interested in seeing what they missed.

heroinechic · 04/05/2025 19:23

Etiquette is to wait until the bride posts a photo of the dress before guests do, however, where a bride is particularly precious about it there is usually a sign somewhere to ask people not to post. I didn’t give a shit about it personally and some people did post before I did, I can’t remember if they asked or not.

FWIW I don’t think it really matters that no one else gives a shit about her social media reveal, it clearly mattered a lot to her. That said, you’ve apologised, so it’s time for her to move on. Is she usually one to hold onto things?

DorothyStorm · 04/05/2025 19:27

I also voted yabu as you were told not to post on social media.

but she is also being ridiculous. nobody cares about a reveal. Especially people who werent deemed important enough to be invited.

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 04/05/2025 19:27

I thought it was pretty standard nowadays that you don’t share photos of the bride and groom at a wedding on social media before they do. It’s because photos taken by friends and family are often pretty crap compared to the professional ones so the couple can be disappointed. So if as a bride you felt really lovely then the first photo you see is one your friend took from a bad angle when you’ve had a few drinks then it’s disappointing. Also it seems like stealing their thunder a bit, like announcing someone else’s baby.

I think this might be a generational thing? I’m a millennial and to me this feels like an unwritten rule.

CheshireDing · 04/05/2025 19:28

You shouldn't have posted pictures before the bride and groom had (irrelevant you misunderstood the instructions, it's not something you should need instructions about)!

The bride is up her own ass with the reveal thing. Literally nobody (even people at the wedding) won't give a damn.

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 04/05/2025 19:28

MissAndrey · 04/05/2025 16:54

She's got major Main Character Syndrome. Hopefully she'll get a bit of perspective once she's been away and realised the world continued turning.

But they were the main characters at their own wedding?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/05/2025 19:29

blueleavesgreensky · 04/05/2025 17:16

Forget that it’s a wedding and that the bride explicitly asked people not to, but you NEVER post pictures of other people without getting their OK. It’s online 101. So rude.

Show quote history

Lots of people here laying down the law about social media. You do realise that for those of us who were already adults by 2000 the internet still seems like a really recent thing. Social media has been around for a blinking of an eye. The etiquette is evolving. People who are immersed in this stuff may think there are rules, but the rest of us work it out as we go along.

Sofiewoo · 04/05/2025 19:32

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/05/2025 19:29

Lots of people here laying down the law about social media. You do realise that for those of us who were already adults by 2000 the internet still seems like a really recent thing. Social media has been around for a blinking of an eye. The etiquette is evolving. People who are immersed in this stuff may think there are rules, but the rest of us work it out as we go along.

Show quote history

It’s not that hard, don’t post photos of people’s life events before them and don’t post photos of people without their permission.
Now you know, hope that helps.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/05/2025 19:33

Is she a "celebrity?" Christ on a bike. 🙄
It's 2025. Picture taking every where, by everyone and posting about everything is so common and pretty difficult to control. OP apologized profusely. Bride is being way too controlling and, frankly, narcissistic, to think people are holding their breath waiting for the wedding pics of the century.

DreamTheMoors · 04/05/2025 19:34

Bloody precious and ridiculous. Makes you wonder how bad she was before the wedding.
My friend insisted on moving her MIL in at great expense and then proceeded to complain to me by text every single day by text for 6 years.
I saw a funny MIL joke that I was sure she’d appreciate by a British (we’re American) humorist that went something like “my MIL stood gazing through the rain in the front window. I almost let her in.” That may not be exactly it but it was very clever and obviously a joke. My friend, after I supported her every day for 6 years, got offended and said terrible awful things to me and stopped talking to me.
People are crazy and mysterious.