Friend not talking to me because I shared a photo from her Wedding

[ByTidyHare]

I attended my best friends wedding a few weeks ago. The day after, I posted some photos to Instagram which were mainly of me and my DP, with one of them of myself and my friend.

This was posted in the morning and on the same afternoon, my friend messaged me to ask I took it down as she didn’t want any photos posted from the day. I said of course and removed it. Before the ceremony, there was an announcement not to upload anything to social media which I assumed related solely to the ceremony and as we were quite near the back, I didn’t take any photos of this anyway. The photo of my friend and I was taken later that evening.

My friend went on her honeymoon soon after. I learnt from another friend whilst she was away that she was really upset with me for uploading the photo and that it ruined her reveal of the day/dress with professional photos as people would have seen it on my page for the few hours it was uploaded.

I didn’t want to message my friend whilst she was still away so I waited until she returned. I apologised, said I was horrified and that I’d mis-understood the instructions thinking they only related to the ceremony.

She replied to say she was still really upset and that I took away the reveal which she’d only have one chance to do in her life and she can’t believe I ignored her wishes. I again apologised but she hasn’t spoke to me since and I’ve learnt from another friend that she doesn’t think she will forgive me.

AIBU to think my friend is now over reacting or is her reaction proportionate?

The only people who would care about seeing her wedding would have been at the actual wedding, unless there were things such as serious illness preventing it but even in that case they should have received an individual message, not a social media post. She needs to get over herself.

"reveal"? Seriously? Surely the people who would care what her dress looked like would have been there in person anyway and have already seen it.

how is a bride, at her own wedding NOT a main character?

this

I completely agree on the colours thing.

A friend of mine got an invite to a wedding that specified colours, banned children, was taking place in the middle of nowhere and the invite helpfully pointed out "you might find it difficult to get overnight accommodation but there are a couple of places about fifty miles away". Presumably the guests were expected to sleep in their cars otherwise.

Needless to say, my friend found an excuse not to attend.

Or OP just treats her social media as a nice to have, minor part of her life so puts occassional photos on there of stuff she's been at, like weddings, without giving it much more thought. And as she doesn’t consider it a hugely important thing to carefully curate and control like bridezilla does she's been taken aback by the crazy overreaction.

I voted YABU only because I’m very conscious of posting pics on SM of other people without their consent and I know that weddings are a particular no no when it comes to posting pics of the bride before she does because it’s kind of poor etiquette. Sorry I know that sounds mental, but last year for example I didn’t post any pics of my friend at her wedding because I felt she’d probably prefer to post her own professional ones first.

That said, what you have done is hardly a mortal sin and given that you’ve apologised and took the photo down straight away, I think your friend is being very very precious here and if I were her and you’d acknowledged it I’d have certainly forgiven, forgotten and moved on by now.

She revealed it when she walked down the aisle to the only people in the world that care or matter.

A reveal to who? And who actually cares? Sorry, she is insane. Fair enough to be a bit miffed, if that's what she had in mind... but to never forgive you and not talk to you again becuase sge wantedbto so a big reveal of a dress that noone cares about but her, is insanity.

She sounds exhausting and mistakenly believes that anyone cares about her wedding being "revealed." Unless she's an A-list celebrity, no-one outside of her immediate circle with give the slightest of fucks about her "reveal".

I'd be quite happy to walk away from the friendship, but not without first sending a message to tell her how ungrateful she is for the amount you spent on the hen and her wedding gift and how ridiculous she is to think anyone cares about her social media "reveal," and wishing her all the best in growing up and not being a spoilt brat for the remainder of her marriage, which is likely to be short if she chooses to continue.

Dear oh dear, has the world gone mad? I'm sure her professional photos will look very nice and people will 'Like' them whether or not they've already seen the dress on a friend's SM.

She’s out of order.

I will never, ever understand the way in which weddings, either their own or other people’s, turn some women from sensible reasonable people into irrational, toxic, self-obsessed, narcissistic nightmares. WTF is wrong with them?

Men get married too. Yet they don’t behave like this. I wonder why? 🤔

I sort of see where she’s coming from.
a lot of heightened emotions come into play.
She was probably really excited about putting up her photos and then op steals her thunder.
it’s bad form
yes she’s bring OTT , but she had one shot at this.
im always excited to put up wedding / baby pictures, but always check the person has got their up first (and Ask if it’s baby ones)
id give her some space ….

Why does everything have to go on SM? OP you say you don't really do social media but you couldn't wait to put up photos of yourself. Who for? Why did they need to see them?

Why can nobody just enjoy the moment in reality anymore?

Uuurgh.

Rant over.

Before the ceremony, there was an announcement not to upload anything to social media

Sounds like the request was pretty clear. The request may or may not be reasonable, but you ignore it at your peril

oh OP this makes you sound petty and wanting to annoy/upset the bride. A FRIEND of yours, fgs.

You are annoyed, so you pissed her off and did something you knew she didn't want you to do.
Bloody hell, have a bit of introspection.

Sure she's being a bit "main character". If you can't be a bit of a "main character" at your own wedding, then i don't know what the world has come to.

The 'reveal'?

FFS

She sounds too immature to be married.

When I got married I asked people to wait until I’d announced to post. And when I had my son I asked people to wait until I announced. And people did. It’s fairly common to do that. I’d be a bit miffed if someone choose to go against my wishes

someone having a dig?
Who knows.

I do know that if i ask my friends not to do something, and it is posting pictures of someone's wedding, and they did it? i would be angry too.

I always refuse when someone says "can i put this photo of you/us online" because - and i am aware it is My Issue And I Should Get Over Myself - i loathe photos of me. any that do put photos up? i ask them to take it down. Once.
Then i report the photo to the platform.

Yes, i am that awful and petty about it, because it impacts me. Am i mad? probably. Am i petty? yes Am I pathetic about it? Probably.

But any friend who ignores this? no friend, are they?

Where are you getting that bride wanted guests to stop publishing photos of themselves from? There is literally nothing to suggest that guests weren't allowed to post any photos, ever, at all. She just didn't want photos of her posted until after she had. I imagine if OP had only posted the photos of herself/other friends/cute flower girl or whatever other examples you used, bride wouldn't have cared. She also wouldn't have cared (as shown by the fact all her bridesmaids did so), if OP had posted as many photos as she wanted, including of the bride and groom, after she had posted her own first.

Is it something I'd give a shit about? No. But if I like someone enough to go to their wedding, and they ask me to do something very minor that is important to them, and will have no negative impact on me at all (as it's not as if OP was a celebrity with an audience of millions clamouring for a reveal) I would do it.

Holding on a few days to post the photos would not have impacted OP in the slightest. Neither would posting the photos of herself and other friends without the one of the bride. So it would have been decent to have not done it, even if you/she thinks it's a stupid restriction. The fact that every single other attendee managed to do so suggests it really wasn't that much of an impossible demand.

Lots of things associated with weddings are a bit silly, or OTT or just not our cup of tea, or more expensive than we prefer, or whatever, but we go along with them because we (hopefully) like the people we are there to celebrate, so if it's important to them we follow their preferences.

I don't think Bride is being unreasonable to be annoyed, but is being unreasonable to not get over it given OP has given a sincere apology. People make mistakes, it's a stupid thing to lose a friendship over.

You were both being unreasonable. I think she sounds bridezilla-ish but I would never post a picture of the bride* unless photos had already come out on socials and that goes twice if I'd been told not to do it.

*purely hypothetical as I don't post on instagram

You should have waited until she posted.

She shouldn’t get so uptight about the ‘reveal’. Literally nobody but her cares about her dress. I’d bet £10 that her new husband would be hard pushed to describe it beyond ‘long and white’.

it is a very common expression - i don't watch Friends so i don't know about that, but they certainly didn't invent the expression.

Surely everyone who would care about what the dress looked like would have been at the wedding, so who is the big social media reveal for? Seems like a complete overreaction

And here is the update I knew was coming.

It seems neither of you like each other. You said in your OP she’s your best friend, did you mean best friend from school or uni? It certainly doesn’t sound like you’re that close now - you weren’t in the wedding party and didn’t seem to have any input into the hen do, she never thanked you for the wedding present, you had no idea of how strongly she felt about no pictures online, she’s willing to end the friendship over this… sounds like you both wanted an out!