Older teens on holiday - not necessary

[workingcocker]

I really want to go to Japan for my 50th in a few years time. 2 or 3 weeks multi location holiday to explore.

the kids will be 17 and 18. It will cost an awful lot of money to do.

DH thinks that we need to take them and that it would be unkind not to.

These kids get multiple holidays a year!

AIBU to think that they really don’t need to go on this trip?

we can’t afford to do it if we all go.

I have friends/relatives that would look after them if we went without them.

They would also have other holidays that year I expect. Either with us or friends.

DH and I are used to going for a short holiday on our own as I think it’s quite important for us as a couple.

it’s more that it’s a bit of a holiday of a lifetime that the kids probably won’t be able to afford for themselves for a very long time.

JFC. Going on holiday to Japan doesn't negate doing a family celebration like a nice birthday dinner or something.

Large family parties can be great of course - but I would hazard a guess the OP has had some cracking family based parties over the years.

She's not asking should she always celebrate occasions without the DC - she's wondering about doing a holiday this one time!

As our children got older we took them on the more expensive and ‘exciting’ holidays, like Japan, China and Brazil/Peru and they stayed at home for the Med/Uk hols. Take them while they want to go with you. They are soon off on their own. You will, hopefully, enjoy years to come, and in retirement, when you can travel as a couple.

Mine are 14/17 and are both desperate to go to Japan as is the 17 yo gf. If I went without them they would be gutted. Oldest maybe going with gf next year and I know youngest won’t be happy….

they may go together

It's my 40th in a few years and me and a couple of friends (who are also turning 40 that year) are planning a cruise. We certainly won't be taking the kids, there's 5 of them and the youngest will be 10 at the time.

There's nothing wrong with going without them, also for the PP who said about seeing the excitement on the kids faces, a lot of kids at that age don't want to do these sort of trips with their parents, I can remember being dragged on holiday at 17 and I was sulky and miserable the whole time.

My parents go on holidays on their own now mostly and their youngest child is 21 but we usually do a family holiday every year/other year. The holidays they do on their own tend to be Barbados, or short haul European trips. Although they have recently done a bucket list holiday but they went with friends. They did also do a trip across Canada without any children … but also paid for a different family holiday the same year. We’ve mostly done bucket list destinations as a family - with few easier European city trips mixed in. We all also holiday with our own friends or family as well.

I think you have to do what makes you happy, but the decision won’t be consequence free! If my parents went to Japan without any children they'd miss us, and we’d be disappointed too. I still think they’d enjoy the holiday though!

Yes definitely! The waters at Maldives are really clear and beautiful though and the waters at places like Bali or Ko Samui don't really compare.

What is the difference in cost? Could they come for part of it and when you travel without them fly business?

I’d planned a 3 week holiday next year for my and DH’s 50th. We’ve had to massively adapt our plans (make it 2 weeks- with less travel) to accommodate DS (15) who has very strong views on what he enjoys and would be happy for us to go alone. I’m regretting not just excluding both DC and doing the holiday we wanted. DD is 19 but can’t really leave DS for 3 weeks yet. If DS was 17 we’d have ditched them like a shot. DH is still convinced we should. Go for it! Life is short and holidaying with teenagers can be painful/ stop you doing what you want to do.

I wouldn’t even consider leaving my kids at home so I could fly business and stay in fancy hotels. Either take them or wait a few years until they are away at uni or whatever.

Currently on holiday in Cornwall without our 18 yr old. Last year was horrendous with the whining so we said this year it would be just us. We've put her first every day for the last 18 yrs. This one week is for us.
Next year she is more than welcome to join us.
I feel guilty as hell but we needed to do this, doesn't mean we love her any less.
She goes away to gigs with friends for the weekend so isn't going without.

Still boring if you don't do beach or watersports.

The OP's children already sound as if they live extremely privileged lives and all things being equal will go on to themselves be able to live lives where they can do their own travel wherever they like. This is an absolute non issue. OP should go and have whatever kind of holiday she damn well pleases for her 50th.

Guilt is so ingrained when you are a parent @Rowgtfc72enjoy your holiday! Dragging a teen who doesn’t want to go away isn’t fun for anyone, including them.

We’ve just been to Japan with our DCs 11 and 14, 14 nights 8 stops. It was immense and I’m so pleased they experienced it with us. Yes, we travelled economy but we did stay in nice hotels and once you get there it’s reasonably cheap compared to the UK. Id be tempted to take them as it may be one of your last family holidays at the ages they’ll be then.

If you’re planning it for in a few years time I don’t think your kids will really be able to provide an answer now as to whether they’d want to go. 14 is very different to 17.

but I’d say 3 weeks is a long time. And 17 is still quite young. Japan isn’t going anywhere and 50 is totally arbitrary. Why not plan it for your 55th

My 18 and 19 year old are coming with me this year (and next), but they are fantastic company and I love having them around. We have a great time together. If they were whiners, not a chance, so I don't blame you.

Because forever isn't guaranteed!

5 years is a long time.

Live for today

OFGS!

I was commuting to the City when I was 16 and was on my 4th job by 18. I was going on holidays with friends and my parents were happy to leave me at home while they went away

They are not children. Stop infantilising them

@Lanzarotelady you could say the same thing about holidays with DC, and live for today as this could be your last holiday with them!

Oh my God, not the last family holiday!😭 I literally never had a holiday with my family growing up unless you count the odd night in a B&B. And I am close to my parents and have had great holidays as a grown up. My ex husband won't fly and so has never gone abroad, much less on the likes of F1 holidays, Japan etc with the children and he and the children have managed to survive. The OP's children will have their 'last' holiday with their parents at some stage, after 17 or 18 years of what sounds to be an extremely privileged whirl of trips, this is not something to cry over or factor into decision making.

I don't think you have read the rest of my posts. I was urging the OP to go on this once in a lifetime trip. I have already explained that the couple I was referring to go every year to the Maldives and don't take their kids anywhere else.

The father also calls his kids all the names under the sun, especially his daughter. And he wonders openly why she's such a pain in the arse.