Older teens on holiday - not necessary

[workingcocker]

I really want to go to Japan for my 50th in a few years time. 2 or 3 weeks multi location holiday to explore.

the kids will be 17 and 18. It will cost an awful lot of money to do.

DH thinks that we need to take them and that it would be unkind not to.

These kids get multiple holidays a year!

AIBU to think that they really don’t need to go on this trip?

we can’t afford to do it if we all go.

I have friends/relatives that would look after them if we went without them.

They would also have other holidays that year I expect. Either with us or friends.

DH and I are used to going for a short holiday on our own as I think it’s quite important for us as a couple.

it’s more that it’s a bit of a holiday of a lifetime that the kids probably won’t be able to afford for themselves for a very long time.

Don't do this a lot can change in 10 years. How many times do you hear stories of people delaying plans for others and then they die or become disabled/unwell and can't do it.

AIBU to think that they really don’t need to go on this trip?

Why on EARTH did you have children if you don’t want to have holidays with them and make memories as a family for a special occasion.

Fair enough if they were mid-late 20’s and were working full time and could support themselves. But at late teens and you’re saying they don’t “need to go”. You sound utterly selfish.

Every year? The kids don't get to go on any other holidays.

Though read my previous post to the OP, who should totally go and enjoy themselves

I don't think you'd be doing anything wrong. One is an adult, one almost is. Many of us were living alone at that age. You certainly don't need to get someone in to "look after" them.

I know people who regularly bugger off on holiday alone. Their youngest is only 12, and is left alone with siblings. That I judge.

Personally I am on the fence about travelling without the kids if you can’t afford it…but I think that travelling without the kids so that you can fly business and get better hotels is a bit of a mean reason not to take them.

ive been looking at big birthday trips for myself too (not quite as big as yours) and I can do the Maldives with my husband, or we can take our son (19) and my mum and do the Caribbean for the same price. Would I love to have a room out in the ocean with a private pool and steps down to the sea, yeah 💯…or I could do the Caribbean and have a villa in an all inclusive hotel by the beach which would allow them to come. Personally I would choose the latter for the memories with my family, even though the Maldives would be so much more of a unique experience, but that’s just me.

Children love the Maldives! They can jump into the sea straight from their villa and there are kids clubs with activities, snorkeling, sea sports, playgrounds, great food, etc.

Oh jog on. Being a parent isn't a game of martyrdom. Spending three weeks with my parents on holiday at 18 would have driven us all potty. Holidays can actually be really stressful with teens being teens, even if they are generally well behaved.

The mistake the OP has made is asking MN.

My parent did the same when I was 16 It never came up about me coming as I had my own life i was working, at college had a boyfriend and friends I went on holiday with. I couldn't just take 3 weeks out of my life for a family holiday but I would of hated for them not to go because of me .

Ok so it didn't say that in your post. But still I can't think the Maldives would be in an interesting place for kids.

Do not under any circumstance do this.
After working 12 years in ICU don't do this, grab today and tomorrow by the balls and run with it!
Life can and does change in a heartbeat!

Another clenching her arse cheeks and clutching those pearls

This. My dad’s mantra was “Do it while you can”. Just go and have exactly the holiday you want without them @workingcocker, I bet you’ve made a lot of sacrifices for them over the years, motherhood isn’t a synonym for martyrdom.

Why not cut out the holidays in the intervening two years so you can all do this one? Would that work?

I can totally see why you want to do it just the two of you, and do it in style, but equally they’ll be just the ages where this sort of thing would be appreciated. So I’m a bit torn!

Or wait a couple of years till they’ve left home and do it just you two, so it’s less noticeable.

You wouldn’t be awful to do what you propose, but equally they’ll value the trip so much at those ages!

I wouldn't go without them and I'll wager they aren't your biological kids......?

Can't you get all those things elsewhere? And if they not beach lovers - like my kids ( and myself)

Another martyr,

So those of who could do this its because our kids aren't ours??

Not clenching anything.

I just don’t get why people have children to totally disregard them and not want to spend time with them when they reach late teens.

Going on holiday without your kids is totally fine.

But in the OP’s scenario - she wants to go on a long distance bucket list holiday to celebrate a big birthday. She thinks her kids “don’t need to go”. That’s utterly selfish.

But yeah, I’ll clutch my precious pearls so far up my arse it’ll cause piles just because I think this particular scenario should be a family trip. Suck it.

I’d be gutted if my parents did this and no chance of do it to my DCs. It’s Japan. Literally top of the list of places most teens want to go. Just don’t fly business.

Not sure what you are looking for in this thread? Half of us will agree with your husband, half with you. Even if everyone agreed with you it makes no difference to your circumstance because the issue is that your DH doesn’t feel happy with the idea of leaving them behind.

You need to talk to him to understand the reasons. Perhaps he’d rather take you for a shorter, equally luxurious trip for your 50th somewhere else but would prefer to do the 2-3wk trip of a lifetime with his/your kids? I know I, personally would prefer a luxury trip to Venice or Rome for an intimate birthday trip. I couldn’t bring myself to leave my older teen children to miss out on Japan (a place they absolutely are desperate to go to - your children may not be that bothered). So were it me, I would absolutely be making sure that if the kids wanted to come they would be invited.

But it’s not me. It’s you and your DH.

You need to talk to him to understand why and if he’s not happy or you can’t find a compromise you’ll need to rethink because whilst it is your birthday, it also his time off work, his time away from his kids and, presumably, at least some of his money paying for it. Your birthday is one day so you can’t really dictate all the rest.

Bunk over, I’ll come sit next to you and we can clutch our pearls together.

Go, leave the kids. At 17 I absolutely did not want to go on holiday with my parents...

When I was 18, I wanted to go on holiday with my friends, can’t think of anything worse that going with parents! Surely they’ll enjoy you being away and having the house to themselves? YANBU OP, taking kids in their late teens with you is a very different holiday, it be aimed all about them. Go and have a lovely time, it’s your 50th!

Wanting something for you and your DH is perfectly understandable imo.

call it a “second honeymoon” and people - including your DC should understand.

But it’s not up to her, is it? She can go… but her DH has no interest in coming with her if the children aren’t there.

The thread is not ‘should OP go and leave her kids at home’; it’s ‘OP wants to leave the kids at home but DH doesn’t want to’.

her DH has no interest in coming with her if the children aren’t there.

That’s not what she said.