Older teens on holiday - not necessary

[workingcocker]

I really want to go to Japan for my 50th in a few years time. 2 or 3 weeks multi location holiday to explore.

the kids will be 17 and 18. It will cost an awful lot of money to do.

DH thinks that we need to take them and that it would be unkind not to.

These kids get multiple holidays a year!

AIBU to think that they really don’t need to go on this trip?

we can’t afford to do it if we all go.

I have friends/relatives that would look after them if we went without them.

They would also have other holidays that year I expect. Either with us or friends.

DH and I are used to going for a short holiday on our own as I think it’s quite important for us as a couple.

it’s more that it’s a bit of a holiday of a lifetime that the kids probably won’t be able to afford for themselves for a very long time.

YANBU - go without them. They can pay for their own big trips in the future!

People really baby their older teenagers these days. The last time I went on holiday with my parents was when I was 13. They didn't discuss it with me - just went on holiday during term time.

By 17 I was booking and paying for my own holidays and looking after myself at home alone when my parents went away.

My God the mum guilt people have is unreal!! Op your kids are nearly adults - is Japan their dream too? Probably not! Only you know if they would just be in it for a free holiday or they genuinelly wanted to go.
I would have loved my parents to have gone away without me at those ages for 3 weeks too!!!!
Go and have an amazing time with your DH!

Oh - only just saw this and 100% agree! By this age l wouldn't have been seen dead with my parents on holiday!

In your shoes, OP, i would say to DH "yes, they can't be left alone. You stay with them and I'll have my 50th birthday trip to Japan."

There is absolutely no need to take them if you don't want to, and even if you do there is no need to tailor your special trip to please them. The trip is for you, nobody else.

Our kids are 16 and 18 and we have taken two holidays so far without them - Las Vegas and New Orleans. Next year we are going to Costa Rica for two weeks just the two of us. There is nothing wrong with going away as a couple as the kids are getting older. It sounds like they get plenty of travel opportunities. Go enjoy yourselves!

If you can afford it anyway I'd ask them if they want to come along. I do think that they're at the age where they might not say yes, although I know my own kids (younger) would be gutted if I went to Japan without them!

Why is it 'holier than thou' to say you'd prefer to take the kids on holiday than holiday without them when they're still school age? It's personal preference. You can say you'd rather go alone , others can state their preferences even if they don't align with yours.

And why are people calling it 'mum guilt' . I imagine the families who prefer to holiday as a family don't treat dads' birthdays any differently. It's family preference. I wouldn't holiday just with my husband for my 50th (next year) likewise for my husband's 50th this year we have a special holiday booked for all of us.

OP asked if she were being unreasonable to go without the children. I dont think it's unreasonable if that's their choice, she can do what she wants, but she is going to get people's opinions on what they would do and that may not align with her views.

Go on your holiday their 17 and 18 i haven't been on holiday with parents since turning 16 i use to love it getting the house to myself. The only thing I disagree with is them needing babysitters there old enough to be left.

If they want to go to Japan they can get a job save up and go with friends or partners there not small children

YANBU but I personally could not do this. We took ours to the Maldives for my 50, similar ages but left them at home for 4 nts in Vegas for DH birthday.

We would want to take our kids as it's a once in a lifetime trip. I would do 10-14 days rather than 3 weeks to make it possible.

I save adult trips for long weekends and weeks or longer trips as family holidays. Plenty of time to go without them when they leave home.

Have fewer holidays between now and then to save up if you usually have multiple?

I know my dd would have found it mean to be excluded from the holiday of a lifetime - and perhaps you could afford for you all to go if you cut out the other holidays - as a minimum you should ask how they would like to play things

of have your 50th celebration a few years late

Leave home what if there still living at home in 10 years

My dd is 21 and hasn't been away with us for years - she organises her own trips. She would LOVE to go to Japan though and would definitely want to do such a trip.

You should ask your teenagers how they, they, would like to play things - are they paying? Do they control the purse strings? Since when do teenagers get to control the narrative?

This

And with so many people having kids later it increases the chances of I'll health in parents if they keep putting trips off until " kids" leave home.

I've 2 friend who have been struck down with brain hemorrhage and stroke respectively. They are both in mid 50s. If they had kids. ( Both child free) they they wouldn't have had time to have holidays if waited for them to leave home

I very happily no longer went on holiday with my parents the moment I turned 16, no matter where they went! Just do what suits you best. Don't ask them whether they want to go. They should be pleased for you.

Go without them and have a lovely romantic time with your husband. It’s your birthday present, not a family holiday. I think it’s important for kids to see that their parents are people with independent wants and needs besides being a puzzle piece in the family structure.

The teenagers might want to stay home, they might want to sacrifice other stuff such as the other holidays to join in, they might feel really upset and excluded because they are human children and then at least you would know where you stand

you chose to have childen you take on a responsiblity to raise them to be self supporting and fully fledged not disregard them when its inconvenient

Children they are adults

I would have no problems leaving them for a special adult only trip esp if they are having other multiple holidays

Christ on a friggin bike!

Please can any mother who happens to have an interest away from wiping her childs bottom, come forward to be publically flogged and shamed!

@andtheworldrollson could you possibly clench your arse and clutch your pearls any more! You want to get down from that high horse love.

I don't think they need to go with you. I'd say you're having a romantic break for your 50th. I wouldn't tell them I was going business class, either!

I'd talk to them about a holiday they could go on that year (without you). If their girlfriends were asking them to go on holiday that summer they wouldn't think of inviting you. Everyone knows you have a different holiday as a couple to what you'd have as a family. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you going away without them.

Could they go away together or with friends?

Ok...?🤔 But there's also no harm in asking them along if money's not an issue? You don't suddenly stop enjoying spending time with your children when they turn 18.