Older teens on holiday - not necessary

[workingcocker]

I really want to go to Japan for my 50th in a few years time. 2 or 3 weeks multi location holiday to explore.

the kids will be 17 and 18. It will cost an awful lot of money to do.

DH thinks that we need to take them and that it would be unkind not to.

These kids get multiple holidays a year!

AIBU to think that they really don’t need to go on this trip?

we can’t afford to do it if we all go.

I have friends/relatives that would look after them if we went without them.

They would also have other holidays that year I expect. Either with us or friends.

DH and I are used to going for a short holiday on our own as I think it’s quite important for us as a couple.

it’s more that it’s a bit of a holiday of a lifetime that the kids probably won’t be able to afford for themselves for a very long time.

Nobody in this house would enjoy 3 straight weeks with each other on holiday. Iwouldn't be able to please both dc at the same time, for ac start. Mind you, I barely saw my own parents from about the age of 15, because my social life was more fun. Even now, I enjoy my holidays with friends more than those with family, because it's more relaxed.

They already get family holidays. This one is yours. If they get decent jobs and make the right choices, they too, will be able to have the holiday of a lifetime in 30 years.

No he said he thinks its unkind and the holiday isn’t booked… and she’s posting here to get support. So clearly he is reluctant.

I am not British. I was brought up in a country with a higher happiness index, particularly amongst YP, than the UK, with some big societal differences. There is a lot of love within families, lots of affection is expressed, but the distinctions between the generations is foundational. I don’t know that this is a factor in YP happiness but I think it gives DC security. (Of course authoritarian parenting is awful, that’s not what I am discussing)

Private trips for the parents is a complete nonevent. It is a time for grandparents or a slightly older relative or university student to keep an indulgent eye on teenagers this age. Everyone benefits.

I do think your DC need some oversight if you don’t want your house to become Party Central, no matter what they tell you (as one of those university students who made money this way), and I would instinctively go for two weeks rather than three. Not sure why.

Give your DC something to look forward to when they grow up.

Who are these people whose teenagers really want to go on holiday with them?!

Mine would jump at the chance to not be dragged around on holiday with their parents who are sooo boooring.

Leave them be and enjoy your trip!

That’s not the same as having no interest.

Kind of is. Otherwise it would be booked already, wouldn’t it? The OP hasn’t persuaded him yet, has she?

I think its fine - unless either/both of them have a huge interest in Japan/Japanese culture, that might change things a bit.

They're old enough to know that you're people in your own right who might want to have some time, do your own thing occasionally. They will absolutely have times they want to do their own thing and not 'as a family' things and this is no different.

I think its best to have a family discussion about it though. Set out what it would mean if they came - no other holidays - this is our itinerary - etc.

They have their whole lives ahead of them to save up for their 'holiday of a lifetime'.

Oh get a grip 😂
However much anyone loves their children, it’s perfectly healthy and acceptable to want to spend time without them.
We’ve taken our dc on loads of great holidays and enjoyed them, but the whole trip tends to revolve around what they will enjoy, because at the end of the day, nobody wants bored or unhappy kids on holiday.
If there was a trip I really wanted to do where I felt the kids wouldn’t enjoy the same things, so we’d have to compromise the whole time, I’d leave them at home.

My god, I hope by the time mine are 17 and 18 they don’t want to come! Of course it’s fine to go without them. They will probably go to Japan when they’re older themselves! Enjoy your trip and take your kids on a beach holiday. Everyone wins

@workingcocker I think it makes a difference whether you plan to be away in Japan on your actual birthday, or whether the trip is for you and dh to celebrate at a different time.

imho going away over your 50th birthday, and not being there for your dc to celebrate with you would be harsh. Doing something (however low-key) with your dc, on the day of your birthday, involves them. Then you can go away for a separate holiday.

Why is it shit? My relative used to have one a week a year off and she and my dd used to have a fabulous week together. Not one ounce of guilt!

I certainly wouldn't ask them if they wanted to go - of course they'll say yes!

Much nearer the date I'd ask them for ideas for that summer. If they still want to go somewhere with you, then I'd put off Japan for another year.

I think the DC would jump at the idea of Japan. Its cultural influence is far greater on young people - think manga, anime, food, robots. Boring would be a two week holiday hiking in the Alps.

Do you really want to tell them that the best present for your big birthday is to escape them for three weeks? I agree with your DH. Take them, they will still be school age and I'm sure will embrace it.

You think it’s selfish to diverting in your own without the kids? Seriously?

I think it’s fundamental to a healthy relationship and to the upbringing of children that parents maintain a life separate from parenting.

good grief. The idea that once you have dc you cease being an autonomous being and exist solely as XXXXs parents harks back to some pre Edwardian time.

the idea that as a parent you no longer can take a holiday or go to a spa or out to a Michelin starred restaurant without taking your dc or if you can’t afford to eat at the Michelin starred restaurant you should all go to McDonald ‘s is laughable. And tragic

Well I gave birth to them. I also work incredibly hard running my own business to be able to afford all these holidays.

DH would absolutely go without them, he just thought it was a bit mean. I could quite easily persuade him. I was just looking for others views. We do go on one holiday a year on our own which we both really enjoy. It’s because he thinks they will enjoy it.

I wouldn’t go over my actual birthday. Probably at least a month before or after.

I don't think it's wrong to have a holiday without the kids. I wouldn't personally be comfortable with it if it were somewhere the kids really wanted to go.

Lol, DH and I just booked a cheeky 4 night, 5 star all-inclusive in Ibiza for the end of this month. DS 11 will be in Paris with his aunt and DD 26 will be house-sitting for us.

Absolutely leave the kids behind OP.

I didn't speak to my dad at all on his 50th. Can't remember what he'd done, but he'd pissed me off mightily, so I think I was probably at my boyfriend's.I was in uni for my mum's. But I guess we're straying into birthday tradition territory now. I like to do things with the kids for their bdays, but neither of us expect the dc to do anything with us on ours. I was independent from an early age; dh moved out at 16. Neither of us have really ever considered that late teenagers would want to spend any time with us!

And it's not really 'escaping' when the dc are late teens. Mine are early to mid and they already have their own lives. Currently 4 teen girls (friends of dd) from upstairs, but they're not impacting on me at all.

I didn't, and wouldn't have wanted to, go on holiday with my parents after the age of 17. I wouldn't have batted an eyelid at 17/18 if my parents had said they were doing a big trip on their own. In fact, they went on a big trip when I was 20 and my sibling 16 - they were invited but chose not to go. Was all fine, no drama and my parents enjoyed their trip.

You have no idea on what the OP does in relation to foodbanks! Or anyone else for that matter, Absolutely no idea!

When do you leave the kids at home, when they are 25/30/35 - when do you as a married couple go away as a couple?

When do you get to enjoy the fact you have worked your arses off?

Not quite sure the relevance of donating to food banks in the course of this conversation

But as I do donate to Church and to foodbanks ( weekly not just at christmas ) then I can't be selfish??

Why? Why is this shit? Why is it not ok for them to take some time to prioritise themselves?

Because we are selfish, we didn't realise the umbilical cord was cut and we don't give to foodbanks.

What only at Christmas 😲