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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Older teens on holiday - not necessary

171 replies

workingcocker · 04/05/2025 09:25

I really want to go to Japan for my 50th in a few years time. 2 or 3 weeks multi location holiday to explore.

the kids will be 17 and 18. It will cost an awful lot of money to do.

DH thinks that we need to take them and that it would be unkind not to.

These kids get multiple holidays a year!

AIBU to think that they really don’t need to go on this trip?

we can’t afford to do it if we all go.

I have friends/relatives that would look after them if we went without them.

They would also have other holidays that year I expect. Either with us or friends.

DH and I are used to going for a short holiday on our own as I think it’s quite important for us as a couple.

it’s more that it’s a bit of a holiday of a lifetime that the kids probably won’t be able to afford for themselves for a very long time.

OP posts:
andtheworldrollson · 04/05/2025 14:59

17 and 18 is barely adult - and brains don’t mature until mid 20s and they are living in a parent child relationship at home.

and they are childen till fledged which doesn’t happen miraculously on their 18th birthday - you can do that by shoving them out or guiding them forward - one’s loving and the other approach will mean you won’t have much relationship with your kids in the long term

aome brutal parents on here today

Lanzarotelady · 04/05/2025 15:00

andtheworldrollson · 04/05/2025 14:59

17 and 18 is barely adult - and brains don’t mature until mid 20s and they are living in a parent child relationship at home.

and they are childen till fledged which doesn’t happen miraculously on their 18th birthday - you can do that by shoving them out or guiding them forward - one’s loving and the other approach will mean you won’t have much relationship with your kids in the long term

aome brutal parents on here today

What happens when they go to Uni at 18? Is that classed as shoving them out?

This thread is a wonderful example of how and why people cannot cope in the workplace anymore.

feelingbleh · 04/05/2025 15:00

Appleblum · 04/05/2025 14:58

Ok...?🤔 But there's also no harm in asking them along if money's not an issue? You don't suddenly stop enjoying spending time with your children when they turn 18.

Show quote history

But money is an issue op already said that plus the fact op wants to spend some time with her husband after spending the last 18 years doing family holidays don't you think she deserves that. You can enjoy spending time with your adult children without spending every second with them at some point it's time to cut the cord

minipie · 04/05/2025 15:02

I agree with some PP that it depends a lot ob whether they would want to go.

My DC would bloody love to go to Japan and it would be a slap in the face if we went without them. Various other sorts of trip they’d be happy to miss.

If yours would be meh about Japan then no issues going without them. But if they’d be gutted then it seems mean to leave them behind especially as you clearly could afford to take them. In this scenario I would either take them with, or delay the trip a couple of years till the kids are fully occupied at university and will likely be much less bothered about being left out.

SalfordQuays · 04/05/2025 15:03

If they want to go then I think it would be really mean not to take them on such an exciting trip

Lanzarotelady · 04/05/2025 15:03

SalfordQuays · 04/05/2025 15:03

If they want to go then I think it would be really mean not to take them on such an exciting trip

Then they save up and go themselves.

MrsKeats · 04/05/2025 15:04

I wouldn’t dream of going without my kids.

FedupofArsenalgame · 04/05/2025 15:05

andtheworldrollson · 04/05/2025 14:52

The teenagers might want to stay home, they might want to sacrifice other stuff such as the other holidays to join in, they might feel really upset and excluded because they are human children and then at least you would know where you stand

you chose to have childen you take on a responsiblity to raise them to be self supporting and fully fledged not disregard them when its inconvenient

Yeah so they should be " self supporting" in being able to look after themselves while their parents go on holiday. They still provided for with a home and financially

Lanzarotelady · 04/05/2025 15:06

MrsKeats · 04/05/2025 15:04

I wouldn’t dream of going without my kids.

God forbid you have a life of your own.

Grammarninja · 04/05/2025 15:06

workingcocker · 04/05/2025 09:25

I really want to go to Japan for my 50th in a few years time. 2 or 3 weeks multi location holiday to explore.

the kids will be 17 and 18. It will cost an awful lot of money to do.

DH thinks that we need to take them and that it would be unkind not to.

These kids get multiple holidays a year!

AIBU to think that they really don’t need to go on this trip?

we can’t afford to do it if we all go.

I have friends/relatives that would look after them if we went without them.

They would also have other holidays that year I expect. Either with us or friends.

DH and I are used to going for a short holiday on our own as I think it’s quite important for us as a couple.

it’s more that it’s a bit of a holiday of a lifetime that the kids probably won’t be able to afford for themselves for a very long time.

Definitely go on the holiday without them. They will be fine on their own and aren't at an age where they'd appreciate it the way you will. I was in Japan 2 years ago. I booked the holiday the minute I found out I was pregnant as I had always wanted to experience it with my husband without kids in the mix. So glad I did. Best holiday I've ever been on. It would be so different if you brought them and they're at an age where they should be happy to wave you off.

feelingbleh · 04/05/2025 15:06

MrsKeats · 04/05/2025 15:04

I wouldn’t dream of going without my kids.

There not kids at what point do you stop taking and paying for them or are you planning on still taking your 30/40 year old kid and their family on every holiday you ever have

FedupofArsenalgame · 04/05/2025 15:07

andtheworldrollson · 04/05/2025 14:59

17 and 18 is barely adult - and brains don’t mature until mid 20s and they are living in a parent child relationship at home.

and they are childen till fledged which doesn’t happen miraculously on their 18th birthday - you can do that by shoving them out or guiding them forward - one’s loving and the other approach will mean you won’t have much relationship with your kids in the long term

aome brutal parents on here today

Really? So what about all those under 25 working and bringing up families of their own. No need to keep infantalizing young people

DorothyStorm · 04/05/2025 15:10

the kids will be 17 and 18
These kids get multiple holidays a year!

I thought these were weird ways to refer to your children. Are they both of yours?

Bertielong3 · 04/05/2025 15:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Lanzarotelady · 04/05/2025 15:11

DorothyStorm · 04/05/2025 15:10

the kids will be 17 and 18
These kids get multiple holidays a year!

I thought these were weird ways to refer to your children. Are they both of yours?

Not in the least bit weird!

CordeliaNaismithVorkosigan · 04/05/2025 15:11

It depends a lot on the DC - my DD loves travel and had been asking to go to Japan from age 8. It would really hurt her if we went without her. Her best mate would never voluntarily leave home at all and would be totally unbothered by being left behind.

VanCleefArpels · 04/05/2025 15:12

workingcocker · 04/05/2025 12:38

It still is partially money as I want to do it in style (fly business class, nice hotels etc) but if we all go we will fly economy and probably partially self cater etc. If we take them we will probably need to go in school holidays as they will be at college. So money is definitely a factor.

But yes, some of you are right. We do so much together that maybe I want this for DH and I.

It’s not for another 2 years so will see how it pans out and whether (as some of you say) they actually want to go.

In 2 years they will presumably both be in uni / working. So no problem!

WestwardHo1 · 04/05/2025 15:12

Have a great time! There's no way I'd have wanted to spend three weeks on holiday with my parents at that age. It's not like they don't have other holidays.

Lanzarotelady · 04/05/2025 15:12

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Another pearl clutcher ! Selfish to enjoy the nicer things you have worked for?

feelingbleh · 04/05/2025 15:13

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

The op didn't say she doesn't want them on holiday she said she didnt want them on this one specific holiday.

WestwardHo1 · 04/05/2025 15:14

I know a couple who go on holiday to the Maldives every year, and leave their kids with their GPs and have done ever since they were little. Now that's shit.

ACynicalDad · 04/05/2025 15:16

Save it for your 60th

Pieceofcakes · 04/05/2025 15:16

Can you not do other holidays and save for this big one for the whole family? We all loved Japan. I would not exclude them; short breaks are different and it wont be long until they move out/stop sharing as much with you

Cognacsoft · 04/05/2025 15:16

@workingcocker we left dc on their own for four weeks so we could drive around Europe. Dd was 17 and ds 23.
We had a great time and the dc didn’t mind that they didn’t get to come ( not that they had any choice).
You don’t have to take teenage dc everywhere, years ago they may have been working and independent.
The dc will probably love not having you around for a few weeks.

FedupofArsenalgame · 04/05/2025 15:16

WestwardHo1 · 04/05/2025 15:14

I know a couple who go on holiday to the Maldives every year, and leave their kids with their GPs and have done ever since they were little. Now that's shit.

Why? Id imagine the Maldives would be very boring for kids. Is there actually anything to do there?