To think son’s school should be making special allowances for his ADHD

[charl87x]

My son has ADHD and takes medication. He only has it on school days to help with his concentration. Some days he doesn’t want to take it so he doesn’t. On the days he doesn’t take it, it reflects on his school work, especially his hand writing. Twice he has had his pen license taken away, and this is on the days he hasn’t had his medication. I try to convince him to take his medication but he just refuses on some days. He’s still coming to terms with having ADHD, and although he knows the medication helps, still refuses some days. Am i wrong to be annoyed that he is having his pen license taken away? It just seems to me they are making no special allowances for his ADHD. He came home from
school on Friday really disheartened about it. What i find worse is his teacher is the school SENCO. I would have thought she had more understanding of his needs. Should i complain about this? I dont want him to think having ADHD allows him to get away with things but also think slight allowances should be made.

Completely agree.

Criticising disabled children is the lowest of the low.

Imaging saying a child who can’t walk far due to a physical disability should be parented better as they slow down the class. There would be an uproar.

This, 100%

stop blaming the school and take responsibility

@ThePunnyPeachDuck your comments keep being deleted but I’ll go out on a limb and say the answer is none.

I'm not NT.

And yes, I learned the hard way that fitting in makes life much easier and better. So thank you for the sympathy... genuinely.

Wow. The fact is that the world isn't made to fit the neurodiverse. It's made of the majority, rightly or wrongly. Bringing up a child with ADHD or any other diversity to expect the world to accomodate them rather than the other way around is doing them a disservice. Changing society simply isn't that easy and it's a parent's responsibility to prepare their child for the world they live in. Not the imaginary utopia in their head. Yes, adaptations should and can be made, but the adult world is a lot more complicated than that.

And lazy is a bit of a stretch. I'm 49 and am reasonably recently medicated, and it's not because I'm lazy. I was the fucking queen of masking, I was brilliant at it but oh my God it was hard! I don't want to do it anymore and that doesn't make me lazy, it makes me tired. I wish I'd been medicated decades ago, my life would have been very different.

I havent read everything, I have had the same problem. I don’t agree with it. It’s really negative and affects their self esteem, makes them feel worse than they already do because the school system is not set up for children who don’t fit in a box. I would look at the school website they should have their policies on their SEND policies, SEND code of practice. I would print it off and have a look through and organise a meeting, with school teacher and sendco. Explain your issues and how your son feels and say your feelings. I have had a same discussion about a pen license which is so ridiculous the drama around a pen license, I said he’s never going to be the neatest in the class but some of the others will never be as good as him in other areas. So I never want you to take it away again. It’s really hard aswell, because people who don’t live with children who have difficulties just don’t really understand and it’s exhausting explaining. But I just think if I don’t advocate for him then school would eventually crush his mental wellbeing into oblivion.xx

His choice has consequences - for him and everyone else in class, including his teacher.

I’d be wary of any school that uses pen licenses. Not best practice these days!

No, because a child with diabetes would die or suffer severe complications if they didn’t take insulin. Insulin generally makes patients feel much better too.
Medication for ADHD is not a ‘cure’, is far more subjective and has side effects which can make children feel grotty. For some people, there are also other ways of managing ADHD.
The two aren’t comparable

It doesn't do kids any favours to give them the expectation that allowances will always be made for their neurodisability, because out side of their immediate families, allowances will not always be made, especially as children get older.

Totally agree with this .

Nope it is about what ND means and how it is being misused.

If I didn't take my medication, I would be unproductive at work and not do my job well. I would then get pulled up on this.

My employer has a responsibility to make reasonable adjustments for my ADHD but "accept my shoddy work" isn't a reasonable adjustment.

Your son needs to learn the reasonable adjustments include helping him help himself and if his handwriting is to poor, as a consequence of him not taking his prescribed medication, to write in pen then he'll lose his pen license, just like if when he starts work, if his work is poor, he'll lose his job.

Learning now while the stakes are low is probably for the best.

In my year 4 class, we have a child (in fact we have 3) with ADHD and autism. He has a hard won EHCP and is on medication. However, the EHCP does not guarantee 1:1 support; all it does is provide small group or individual interventions (which he will often refuse to access.) He is frequently disruptive (especially in the afternoons) as the work makes him too anxious and will refuse learning breaks as returning to the class also fuels anxiety.

We do everything we can to accommodate him and his needs whilst also dealing with the other 2 children with similar needs. And also supporting the remaining 27.

Now, if he doesn't take his medication the result is a day of intolerable stress for him. One of the adults in the room has been pushed, punched and bitten. School equipment has been destroyed.

On such a day, his mum will not answer the phone or respond to any messages. Nor will she officially inform us that he has refused his meds.

Our little lad is in entirely the wrong setting. It's heartbreaking.

Our scenario is nearer the extreme end of the spectrum but it demonstrates that even an EHCP will not guarantee 1:1 support and that the effects of medication refusal are huge. And the very thought of giving and then taking away a pen license..? 🤯

The school should be more understanding and I’d ignore some of the appalling attitudes on this thread if I was you OP. Your son sounds like he tries and that he cares, if he didn’t then he wouldn’t be upset about this, so he sounds like a good kid.

Although I’m usually supportive of school rules, I’d try to make him realise that this idea of a pen license isn’t that important, what is important is that he tries. One of my children always had lovely handwriting, the other not so much! His handwriting was NEVER mentioned at secondary school. We brought it up in year 7 at parents evening as it had ALWAYS been mentioned at primary school and I couldn’t believe how much of a non issue it was. They encouraged good presentation of course, but if they could read it, it was fine. He is at uni now, still has messy handwriting, but it’s not an issue.

Try not to let it knock his confidence. Talk to the school, they should at least reassure him so that he’s not feeling disheartened.

Well then you just remind him that there will be consequences to not taking his medication- such as losing his pen license. His choice.

A pen license. What is this? What country has a pen license. I'm in Scotland and didn't know you needed one 😮😂

Wow! Many kids are fidgety and have all sorts of annoying habits. No class has 30 perfect drones sitting there. Maybe some need to learn to be a little more resilient and tolerant or can all parents complain about every annoying habit children have?

You're being disingenuous. They don't give 9 year olds amphetamines for being 'fidgety'.

20 years ago, having a pen licence was a source of pride and an incentive to improve a skill.

Now, it's a way to 'shame' children.

A window on the world, perhaps?

This. He shouldn't be forced to take his medication - my dc stopped taking theirs as it didn't agree with them. Made them feel wired and unable to talk. Is this happening with your son? The school should accommodate your sons additional needs with/ without his medication. As for the pen license - awful 🙁

He needs to learn that the expectations for him are the same as for everyone else. Otherwise he'll under perform and employers etc won't give a shit if he's diagnosed with ADHD or not. Absolutely the school should handle this with compassion. But they shouldn't expect less of him due to his ADHD. Surely you agree with this OP. It's harder for him - but not impossible.

No I don't find it uncomfortable. I find it ignorant, uninformed, like most comments on this thread written by people without much experience of ADHD. .

There are lots of people who shouldn't be teachers, please Ty with outdated viewpoints and who think students and parents exist for their convenience. I'm always pleased to swerve one of them.

yes indeed. Mine has inattentive ADHD and when the big medication shortage happened a while back it was a nightmare. He has reacted very well to meds, it has to be said - he has the classic side effect of losing his appetite but as he has sensory issues around food anyway in some ways that was barely noticeable and we just front load him at breakfast before he takes the meds, and give him food supplements throughout the day. I always think the medication did not change him- it revealed the real him without all the white noise and buzzing that ADHD caused. When we could not get his meds (and because they are the type that need to be tapered off from, not just stopped) we had to closely monitor his heart rate several times a day and he was being checked over by his consultant. He was a mess. It reminded us of what caused the suggestion he be assessed in the first place. He was incapable of self regulating his emotions and lost all impulse control- in a very scary way. I was being called several times a day by his teachers- one of whom asked what the hell was going on as they were worried he was a danger to himself.

I can't adequately explain how frightening it was. Thing is- pre-medication this was our normal. Post medication he is calmer, happier, interested in life and people and things. Engaging and engaged.

I was very opposed to meds at the beginning but his psychiatrist pointed out that we could always stop medication if it did not work. It took a few months to find the right sort that worked for him but it's been a total game changer. We had a child who was totally dysfunctional and incapable of getting through most days to a child who is happy, calm, has made a friend and who has an exceptional relationship with his cat.

Medicating as deemed required is not lazy parenting. It's offensive for anyone to say that. But the only people who DO say that are profoundly ignorant.

From the current National Curriculum guidance:
The programmes of study for writing at key stages 1 and 2 are constructed similarly to those for reading:

• transcription (spelling and handwriting)
• composition (articulating ideas and structuring them in speech and writing)

It is essential that teaching develops pupils’ competence in these 2 dimensions. In addition, pupils should be taught how to plan, revise and evaluate their writing. These aspects of writing have been incorporated into the programmes of study for composition. Writing down ideas fluently depends on effective transcription: that is, on spelling quickly and accurately through knowing the relationship between sounds and letters (phonics) and understanding the morphology (word structure) and orthography (spelling structure) of words. Effective composition involves articulating and communicating ideas, and then organising them coherently for a reader. This requires clarity, awareness of the audience, purpose and context, and an increasingly wide knowledge of vocabulary and grammar. Writing also depends on fluent, legible and, eventually, speedy handwriting.

Pen licences are a useful tool in encouraging children to take pride in their work and to continue to do so. Lots of kids will start to get lazy and scruffy once they receive their PL and so it will be removed to encourage them back to a reasonable standard. Whilst these demands are in the NC and on the OFSTED inspection framework what do people expect primary schools to do? As a society we take licences off drivers who aren't up to standard this is just a small way in which primary schools help socialise children for later in life.