To think son’s school should be making special allowances for his ADHD

[charl87x]

My son has ADHD and takes medication. He only has it on school days to help with his concentration. Some days he doesn’t want to take it so he doesn’t. On the days he doesn’t take it, it reflects on his school work, especially his hand writing. Twice he has had his pen license taken away, and this is on the days he hasn’t had his medication. I try to convince him to take his medication but he just refuses on some days. He’s still coming to terms with having ADHD, and although he knows the medication helps, still refuses some days. Am i wrong to be annoyed that he is having his pen license taken away? It just seems to me they are making no special allowances for his ADHD. He came home from
school on Friday really disheartened about it. What i find worse is his teacher is the school SENCO. I would have thought she had more understanding of his needs. Should i complain about this? I dont want him to think having ADHD allows him to get away with things but also think slight allowances should be made.

You're actually confirming my post. For a 9 year old to have been diagnosed with ADHD and be medicated (especially given the diagnostic delays) there has been a serious and observable impact on his behaviour. Your son has a very different 'style' of ADHD from the OP's son. 'Just' being fidgety is really disruptive to other people around him which is why he's using fidgets etc.If only he had access to something to reduce his hyperactivity and improve his focus... Oh wait, he does! He's choosing not to take it. That's his choice (not everyone likes the feeling of stimulants or side effects).

So I don't agree with forcing medication either BUT I do agree with beginning to link choices and consequences as early as possible. Using a pencil is a simple, non-invasive way of doing this. As an adult with late diagnosed ADHD I am paying for the choices I made along the way and my inability to understand process. I wish someone had taught me this early on in a way that didn't involve beating me. Choices have consequences. FAFO as they say.

Have you actually spoken to the teacher about it and asked for their reasoning for refusing to allow him to use a pen in those days? It seems like he hasn’t taken his medication in a number of occasion buts only ‘lost’ his pen license twice. By speaking to the teacher you can confirm what has happened on those two days compared to the other days when he hasn’t taken the meds and not had the same consequence.

You need to check that there hasn’t been other issues leading up to the removal - a build up of poor behaviour choices, distracting others, etc. it if it is just an inconsistent approach by the teacher.

It seems that he does have some accommodations made for his ADHD - fidget toys, chair bands - so it doesn’t feel like the teacher is completely ignoring his needs.

So what’s happened in those two days for things to be different?

I hate pen licences too but that’s a separate issue really.

But the functioning we're talking about here is fidgeting in the seat and writing messily. That is still functioning!

I can now see why so many disability activists have such a problem with the medical model of disability.

I ask the question about sedatives because there's a really long history of sedating the shit out of autistic people, sometimes with medications that can fuck up your health a lot, for autistic behaviour. I mean it's acceptable if the behaviour is really extreme and nothing else has helped, but if that isn't the case it's just ... horrible.

I am all for meds in the best interests of that person or where they want them, but not for the comfort or convenience of other people.

I'd never heard of pen licences. Is it any wonder there are increasing numbers of behaviour problems and burnt out teachers with such ridiculous practices in place. Let's shame the children who's writing skills aren't up to scratch by them having different tools to their peers. Really big up moving on to a pen by calling it a 'pen licence', make it the exciting tool they all want to use. Then they have their licence revoked it if they have a bad day and are back to using the lowly pencil. I'm sure that leaves them full of enthusiasm for writing!
Is it not obvious to schools that this will impact a child's self-esteem and confidence, in turn impacting behaviour and attainment.

Personally, I think it may be a bad idea to give your son the choice of taking the meds or not. Could you check whether sporadic medication has any impact on his ADHD? In my experience as a teacher, pupils take meds regularly and don’t miss doses.

If he had cancer, would you allow him to decide that he won't take his medication?

What the fuck??

Yes the principle of pen licences generally sounds a bit mad. Having said that, I've heard teachers say that handwriting is deteriorating badly and increasing numbers of children produce illegible writing. I can't judge I can barely read my own writing!

That aside it's still an opportunity for OP to link choice to consequence in a really direct way. (OP I do agree find out what was different about those 2 days and don't assume it was just about no medication.)

Yes. Only quite often children with ADHD don’t care about consequences:

My argument is not that he shouldn’t take the meds. But that forcing or shaming him in to it won’t be the best approach.

The school continually taking away the (stupid) pen license is not the best approach to support him. It’s not something they should be focusing on.

It all needs to be handled differently. Then he may happily take his meds and also feel supported, happy and confident at school, which is also important and will have an impact on behaviour.

@SomethingInnocuousForNow What do you mean? The boy has a condition-the mum has decided that he, at 9 years old, can decide if he wants to take the prescribed mediation.

I imagine-I hope-that if he cancer- she would make him take the medication whether he wanted to or not.

What's different? maybe the fact that she doesn't think ADHD is a condition at all.

Nonetheless, in my world, a 9 year old doesn't get to make decisions about what medication he will or won't take. So WTF right back at you!

If she wants to treat her 9 year old with someone with as much knowledge about his condition and the medication required to deal with that condition as her and medical professionals, then she is foolish woman.

He decides whether or not to take it! What the actual fuck!

Yes, they are short acting and leave the body rather than build up - but the body learns how to respond to them with regular exposure. Taking them daily is advised so that the body is accustomed to them and responds to them consistently and also to avoid the ‘rebound effect’.

Every psychiatrist we have seen has stated the same - the effect of the tablets persist over the 4 or 8hr for which they are designed, but rebound effects and the bodies ability to respond efficiently to the medication relies on taking it regularly. It is fine to skip a dose occasionally or reduce it (my teen will if she has a party in the evening and wants to be able to drink alcohol), but only taking it sporadically means the person taking it is not getting the full benefit and risks a rebound.

You know what's different. That is absolutely ridiculous and offensive to both people with ADHD and to people with cancer.

He's getting his pen license taken away, which is the natural consequence of not taking the meds. If that's an acceptable choice, then so be it. But the solution isn't to not take the meds and then also remove evidence of the impact of that choice.

You also have no idea what the full impact of his ADHD is. ADHD medication isn't freely given out - I have multiple family members who have been diagnosed but not given medication.

Nowhere do I see that he's being put in isolation, punished, or being sent home - things that point to the 'comfort or convenience of other people.' He is simply having his pen license taken away because of the effect of not taking medication on that day.

Anonymity you seem determined to see something that isn't there. In this case the child did not cause issues with others really as the others just got on with their work. I spoke with the child and tried to help them. My point is that they couldn't learn. Their brain would not allow them to. I felt very sorry for the child who really seemed jittery and completely unable to focus on the lesson. Children whose adhd is so all encompassing have been described this medication for a reason. They should have it. It is frankly irresponsible to not provide what hs been prescribed. If the medication isn't needed the parents need to speak to the prescriber and stop it responsibly.

You are foolish. If this lad won't take medication for his condition, then he will expect to be able to make the decision for any medication.

God forbid he becomes seriously ill and refuses treatment-she has set the precedent for him to choose,

I get that it's difficult for you to understand but I can't make it any clearer @SomethingInnocuousForNow so I shall leave you in your Sunday morning confusion.

Don't bother replying to me-I only spend so much time trying to help and don't batter my head against a brick wall.

He needs an ECHP (do a parental request) or at the very least a detailed SEN plan with reasonable adjustments in it.
Email the school with what you think he needs (including re pen license) the school have a legal requirement to consider them. This will also help you gather the evidence needed for an EHCP
There is lots of info online for guidance
https://educationhub.blog.gov.uk/2023/04/what-are-reasonable-adjustments-and-how-do-they-help-disabled-pupils-at-school/

My DD has ADHD & ASD and some days getting her to take her meds is impossible.

My son had cancer, it's the reason why he'll likely have to meds multiple times a day for the rest of his life and I'm not offended, it actually crossed my mind when I first read the thread due to the many more meds he had to take when going through treatment.

Well let me speak plainly - those children with ADHD who don't learn to care about consequences (and have high hyperactivity/ impulsivity) AND don't get diagnosis early enough for support tend to get their diagnosis in prison or when they're going through addiction services or when their lives have otherwise hit a wall. I wish I was joking but I'm not.

I have ADHD and parent DC with ADHD. I coach my children EVERY SINGLE DAY to link choices and consequences. Every single day. This includes teaching them hacks for self-regulation.

At school I was more like your son Delatron (I put my hyperactivity into extracurricular stuff). I'm glad he got his diagnosis and medication because my life would have been enormously different if I'd had that support.

What the fuck is a pen licence? Sounds hideous, glad my children aren't going to school in the UK!

Anyway, there could be two different issues here with the medication. Does he suffer unpleasant side effects or feel bad on the medication? If so then you need to try a different medication. There will be something different that could be better for him.

If the issue is more his refusal to accept the ADHD then I would say that's a bigger problem and one that definitely needs some work because that sort of self-hatred is only going to grow and become a bigger problem as he gets older. I speak from experience.

I don't really go along with the whole 'ADHD is my superpower' vibe that's popular at the moment, for my daughter though we were very clear that this is not a bad thing, an illness or a problem. It's just one example of how different people's brains work differently. We led with the fact that I have it also, so she didn't feel too different to all around her. I bought her some books that explained it at her level better than I could. I pointed out the successful people at the top of their field as good examples - in her case this meant Simone Biles, Emma Watson and Shakira, they were the ones that resonated with her.

If he's trying to ignore it, please don't. You don't need to make it the basis of his existence but he (and you) need to learn to work with it rather than against it. In my case the medication completely changed my inner voice, the one that spoke self-hatred to me all the time. It helped me accept myself as I am. Unless he has unpleasant side effects there's no reason for him not to accept the help that medication can give, and at his age it is particularly effective. It doesn't mean he'll always have to take it but it can set a much better tone for his future.

Pen license sounds like everything that's wrong in our education system right now tbh. What bull shit. Setting kids up to fail and lose confidence.

Can't believe parents support
This crap

I’m assuming a ‘pen license’ is something the students receive when their handwriting is at a certain standard so that they can use a pen instead of a pencil? If his handwriting isn’t at the expected standard it’s reasonable that he license is removed, just like if his spelling isn’t good enough to be in the top spelling group it would be reasonable to move him to a lower group and if his football wasn’t good enough to be in the A-team it would be reasonable to put him in the B-team. Just because he has adhd doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have to meet the same expectations as the other students (and I say that as someone with adhd and autism myself). Would you expect a person with ADHD to receive a driving license if they didn’t meet the required standard when taking the test?

If you have adhd you should have reasonable adjustments to help you achieve, but that doesn’t mean lowering the level of expectation. Reasonable accommodations for his ADHD would be things like pencil grips, specialised seating to support his core or thicker lined paper etc, things that can help him get his handwriting to the expected standard to hold a pen license. Allowing him to hold the license without his handwriting being at the required standard is not a reasonable adjustment. Also this is a good lesson for him as to why he should take his medication!

Big leap from not having a pen license to going to prison..

Maybe I could have explained better. Children with ADHD need support and help (and yes maybe meds) they don’t need their confidence shattered or made to feel crap about themselves. When they feel upset and angry that is when they act out and make bad choices.

Of course they need to learn about consequences for bad behaviour. But punishing them when they are scared about taking medication? When they are upset about a recent diagnosis? Not sure this is the best approach.

The best approach is for him to feel positive about his diagnosis and willing to take the meds and see the benefits. We’re all coming at this from either a stick or a carrot angle. And personally I feel the carrot may be more effective on this situation.

I’ve never heard of a “pen license” and laughed when I read the post. Sounds like a massive over engineering of a fairly innocuous decision about whether a child should use a pen for writing. I’d say play down the importance of a bloody pen and otherwise gently explain that it’s not a punishment but if he doesn’t take his medication then he might make more mistakes so pencil is better those days?!

I think, gently, YABU. Lots of people need to take medication for lots of reasons. My friends child has had a transplant, they can’t just decide they don’t feel like taking their anti rejection meds one day.

Choices have consequences and tbh this is a nice clear one for him to see. If he doesn’t take his meds he’s likely going to lose his own license.

THIS

As the parent of a 16 year old with ADHD, taking meds is not a 'do I fancy it today option'.

It is in her best interests and the best interests of her teachers and peer group.

In fact DD's friends alway know when she has forgotten her meds as she's very annoying to be around or sit next to and they now remind her.

Yes you can take breaks at weekends and holidays, but otherwise you need to see it like insulin and stop giving a 7 year old choices.