To think son’s school should be making special allowances for his ADHD

[charl87x]

My son has ADHD and takes medication. He only has it on school days to help with his concentration. Some days he doesn’t want to take it so he doesn’t. On the days he doesn’t take it, it reflects on his school work, especially his hand writing. Twice he has had his pen license taken away, and this is on the days he hasn’t had his medication. I try to convince him to take his medication but he just refuses on some days. He’s still coming to terms with having ADHD, and although he knows the medication helps, still refuses some days. Am i wrong to be annoyed that he is having his pen license taken away? It just seems to me they are making no special allowances for his ADHD. He came home from
school on Friday really disheartened about it. What i find worse is his teacher is the school SENCO. I would have thought she had more understanding of his needs. Should i complain about this? I dont want him to think having ADHD allows him to get away with things but also think slight allowances should be made.

Some harsh replies here. I vaguely remember pen licenses from when I was at school and remember my “gifted and talented” friend getting hers whilst I (the not gifted and talented taken out for extra support friend) was still scratching away with a pencil. I’m not sure i understand how helpful they are but im not a teacher.

I do adhd reviews as part of my work and I’ve had many children refuse their medication for a variety of reasons. Often the side effects or the fact that they don’t feel like themselves when they’re on the medication. You clearly can’t force him and I imagine his psych would not be agreeable to that. Comparing it to insulin and other life saving medications is really not helpful either.

there’s a few things that I would maybe be suggesting but would depend on school/service capacity.

Could you try arranging a medication review? I sometimes find that after a discussion of why they don’t want to take the medication, why we’re prescribing the medication in the first place and hearing that other children experience the same can be helpful. I’ll often explain to children that some people are just not build for a sit down and listen classroom environment but if the medication can help them get through that without getting into trouble all the time (which will be annoying for them) then they can leave school and do something that will be suited to their strengths and needs and may not need medication anymore.

Are there certain days where it’s more important that he takes his medication than others? If he’s not going to take it every day could it be agreed that he takes it the days he has spelling etc but maybe not the day he has PE and an early finish (again depends on the school).

What other strategies can help him managing his ADHD in the classroom? Wobble chairs, movement breaks, maybe there’s a particular seat that’s more distracting than another, etc.

Have a chat with his teacher as well to find out a bit more about what’s happening - is it actually he’s had his pen license taken away because he was drawing all over the table or chucking the lid about for example - sometimes children can be unreliable storytellers!

sorry for the lengthy reply but I hope you are able to find a solution!

Sure they can.

But when nobody wants to sit next to little Johnny because they can’t concentrate because little Johnny keeps fidgeting, guess who is the one left upset?

DD’s friends are very nice about it, but they also want to focus in class and get the grades they need for 6th form. So they choose to sit elsewhere in lessons on those days.

So DD remembers to take them so that everyone is happy.

Do you pre warn the school if he hasn't took his adhd medication?

We found taking it every day of the week much better as its staying in a routine

Also you need to reframe adhd. Show him famous people. How adhders can be outside the box thinkers and problem solvers.

We call mediation - brain breaks. Doesn't change him just slows down their brain so he can get the best learning out of school. Same as race car analogy. You wouldn't drive a car without brakes and adhd brains don't have the right breaks so medication helps with that job

@Impostersyndicate What do you suggest she should do? Pin him down and force it down his throat?

No. But there are ways to manage this. The most popular would be bribery. To turn it around, if you have a child that literally needs life-saving medication, do you just shrug your shoulders and go ‘meh’? No, you find strategies that work. Again, while not politically popular with some, bribery in different forms work, you just find the right currency. I’ve also had many kids in a professional capacity who carry on and try and refuse (absolutely needed) treatment and half the problem is the parents who treat the child like a semi-adult, and it’s not in the child’s best interest.

This would have been much better placed in the SEN board rather than AIBU.

Some nonsensical replies here.

Sorry but you are the adult and you can make him take it.

If you want to buy in to him having a choice then he also has to accept the consequences of not taking it leading to poor work and the consequences that beings with it.

He wouldn't need to suffer these consequences if you ensure he takes his medication.

At his age, I’m afraid I would simply have lied and said his daily tablet was vitamins and given it without discussion every morning when serving breakfast.

Any helpful suggestions then?

honestly the amount of ignorant replies on this thread is incredibly depressing.

@charl87xwhat helped my daughter take her medicine was giving her some control over it (some kids with ADHD have a need that feel in control apparently) so she uses the pill crusher herself and then I pour it in the juice and stir and she takes it this way. Giving her the control took away the pressure/demand I think which made her more amenable.

Yes you sit with him a breakfast and it gets taken as part of a routine. He doesn't leave the table until it is taken. Like any other form of discipline then there can be home consequences for refusing to take it. The child isn't stupid just has ADHD. He understands the difference between doing what is expected and required and what is not. She refers to choice so he understands that as a concept. For this aspect of his life she makes it clear that he does not have a choice.

With respect, it might be a positive life changing medication for your son but that’s not the case for every child with ADHD. I have 2 sons with ADHD, both tried medication and it didn’t suit either of them. The side effects were terrible, even at low doses. It affected their sleep and appetite and totally changed their personalities. They became shells of themselves. The oldest one we took off meds and the youngest one made the decision to come off himself.

There are lots of different medications, though. My DD had that reaction to the first 4 (yes 4) different types of medication. They all worked on the ADHD but made her ill, nauseous, and had other side effects that were miserable. The 5th try was the positive life changing result we’d hoped for, but with a few mor manageable side effects (in part because the benefit of pushing through those is the opportunity to go to university having completed her Level 3 course, so she is motivated). It took nearly 2 years to find the right one.

If OP’s DS is refusing to take them because of side effects, then she needs to go back the to the clinician and explore alternatives.

LOL

Yes but I guess you also sensibly accept that by them not taking their meds it brings a variety of other issues.

I agree with you and not everyone benefits from ADHD medication but it does sound like the OPs child does struggle in school without it.

Then it's the wrong dosage and needs adjusting.

Not true. I have 3 nd kids and an nd oh so plenty of experience. medication is their choice and isn't a magic wand that solves everything.

Wrong, it doesn’t suit everybody and not everybody can take it. Many people with adhd choose to go unmedicated, me being one.

You don’t have to take adhd meds.

No thats not true. ADHD meds can be helpful but they are not a panacea for those with ADHD and some cant tolerate any of them or any combinations, becoming more hindrance than help.

Some children dont respond to their medication full stop. Some only respond to a very high dose which gives such severe side effects that the cost outweighs the benefit, the child cant really function effectively

This also applies ot adults of course.

If it was a lifesaving medication or something like insulin for diabetes he would absolutely have to take it, so treat it the same as that.

But it isn’t though. It’s completely different with different side effects and risks and for something completely different .

The child is seven. Exactly what crucial handwriting lessons did he miss at the age of two? That would have been down to the parents, so lockdown made zero difference to their writing abilities.

But the OP hasn't said that he has any side effect issues. Just that he doesn't choose to take them.

Some children do, some don't. We got lucky and DD had no side effects on hers other than reduced appetite during the hours it's working, and some rebound issues when she first goes up a dose than taper off after about 3 weeks.

If he doesn't have issues with the medication and just doesn't fancy it then she needs to treat it like she would any other medication.

If he does, then time for a med review and a look at the other range of options.

He is in year 4 so would have been in reception during lockdown.

Right. But if he's complaining about the consequences of not taking it then she needs to make sure he takes it.