To think son’s school should be making special allowances for his ADHD

[charl87x]

My son has ADHD and takes medication. He only has it on school days to help with his concentration. Some days he doesn’t want to take it so he doesn’t. On the days he doesn’t take it, it reflects on his school work, especially his hand writing. Twice he has had his pen license taken away, and this is on the days he hasn’t had his medication. I try to convince him to take his medication but he just refuses on some days. He’s still coming to terms with having ADHD, and although he knows the medication helps, still refuses some days. Am i wrong to be annoyed that he is having his pen license taken away? It just seems to me they are making no special allowances for his ADHD. He came home from
school on Friday really disheartened about it. What i find worse is his teacher is the school SENCO. I would have thought she had more understanding of his needs. Should i complain about this? I dont want him to think having ADHD allows him to get away with things but also think slight allowances should be made.

Or just explain that he is just writing in pencil for the days he doesn't take his medicine and you know it's just a pencil.

This is going to depend on the school and how receptive they are. But if they say no then you need tackle what you can influence and that is that some days he writes in pen some in pencil.

We don’t know if his behaviour is impacting anyone else. Not all children with ADHD are disruptive.

It works two ways, yes it seems a bit petty to take away his pen but on the other hand he needs to learn there are consequences for not taking his medication. Perhaps the teacher is using this as the stick approach to get him to take them. Remember I suspect the issues in class run far deeper than handwriting when he’s not taken them affecting other students.

sit down with the teacher and come to a joint approach including getting him to take his meds, and what will happen if he doesn’t

If he's a 9 year old boy on medication then there is likely to be a behaviour issue unfortunately. It might be very minor by the way - moving around a lot rather than biting people! - but these are powerful drugs and aren't given lightly.

I’m glad I don’t teach your children too.
I’m not "shaming" the parents in any way, simply giving my experiences of what it’s like in a classroom with a child who has been prescribed ADHD medication to help them cope with life but not taken it, plus 29 other children who want to learn in peace and also deserve their share of the teacher's attention and time. If you prefer not to hear about that because you find it uncomfortable, that’s your problem, not mine.

There’s various strengths of medication. My DS is on a low dose for inattentive ADHD. That was not picked up until he was 14. No behaviour issues.

We don’t know about the OP’s son so can’t make assumptions on his behaviour and whether it’s disruptive.

There’s always an assumption that boys with ADHD are bouncing off the walls. This is untrue. It presents differently in everyone. Girls are also very different with ADHD.

Most people do not understand about ADHD and there’s a lot of misinformation out there.

Regardless of this, forcing him to take the meds is not the way forward and not good advice.

This did not work for my son. He’s a bit older but really did need to figure it out for himself.

Sorry, but when a child ‘refuses’ to do something, I always feel the parents have not done their job properly, and I get that impression here.
YOU are the parent and should be in charge. Your child should never have been allowed to refuse anything you want him or her to do.
Before you all come down on me like a ton of bricks, I accept that the ADHD is a big issue, but I still think even a child with that can be guided to do as they are told.
I think a lot of the problems these days are caused by weak parents.
I know I am going to have a deluge of abuse after saying this, but I defend my right to have an opinion. If you don’t agree with me, that’s fine. I respect that but I feel I should be able to say what I want to say without abuse. It is not meant as a personal attack. You have your reasons for how you bring up your child and I am just pointing out how it comes across to me.

He is not disruptive to his class mates from what the teacher has informed. He is just very fidgety in which things are in place for this such as band on his chair legs and fidget toy. He just lacks concentration without meditation.

My son, also in Year 4, takes medication 3 times a day (though, not for ADHD) and it is non negotiable despite the fact that he doesn't always like it because it reminds him of why he now needs to take medication but it has to be done and that's that.

I think Year 4 is old enough to know that if I don't take my meds then I might have my pen license taken away for the day or I can take my meds and that is far more likely not to happen. Actions have consequences.

Agree with this - my two both take medication and the advice was to take it every day, even if they had a slightly reduced dose at weekends, because the body struggles with the stop/start nature of it.

You and your son need to work with him to understand that his medication is not like a paracetamol that he takes to deal with symptoms that are inconvenient; they are a regulating medication like statins or diabetic meds. There need to be consequences at home for refusal to take them - Ie, if he doesn’t take his meds, then he loses gaming/playstation privileges (or whatever it is that values most highly).

Losing pen privilege seems petty, but it does sound as though you also need to pursue obtaining an ECHP so that all parties - school, you and your son understand that their obligations and duties are… and they will likely also require your DS to take his medication daily.

The school should be making adjustments regardless of whether he has taken his medication. Does he have an action plan? Maybe arrange a meeting with the SENCO / teacher to discuss this. You can’t force him to take the medication. What reason does he give for not taking? If it’s side effects his dr may be able to review this. Consequences are very difficult for the ADHD brain to grasp

..

There may or may not be an impact on the other children. Not all children with adhd will be disruptive.

Then it sounds like not giving him a pen makes a lot of sense if he’s struggling to pay attention and fidgeting. Of course you can’t force him - don’t know how you’d actually physically force a 9 year old to swallow a pill without it being pretty traumatic for everyone - but he can’t expect life to just carry on as ever if he needs to have extra accommodations on the days he refuses. Hopefully this will help show him cause and effect really concretely as I know that was a challenge for my brother

My prescriber explained to me that ADHD meds are short acting i.e. you take them, they work, then leave your system. They don't build up like antidepressants. She said plenty of people just take them for work.

You should seek a second opinion I reckon.

That’s true, and OP says her child is not disruptive. But if he is continually moving/fidgeting or the teacher keeps having to remind him to focus, I don’t see how it can fail to have an impact on other children.

Have you asked the teacher for the reason she takes the pen away?

Could he be doodling in ink on his copies, books or desk and it's simpler to swap him to pencil those days than punish him for something he doesn't think through fully?

Perhaps he could take the decision to use pencil the days he doesn't want to take the meds, it would remove the disappointment and give him more control, obviously with the teacher's understanding and agreement.

I’ve never even heard of a pen licence.
Can remember when doing B.Ed one of the golden rules was what a child has earned shouldn’t be taken away.
Why on earth do schools make life so complicated, for themselves and the children? It’s like setting them up to fail.

So glad I retired when I did….I could not inflict this misery on children.

Mine said the same. I specifically asked if he could take them as and when and have breaks at the weekend and she said yes. It’s a huge appetite suppressant and this is tricky for growing boys who are active. My DS was losing weight so needed to have breaks to get his appetite back and put weight on.

It doesn't sound like you will, but please don't let anyone convince you to "force" your son to take stimulant meds go stop him fidgeting and improve his handwriting. That would be barbaric. Different conversation if he is hitting people or climbing on the school roof.

In response to your actual OP, yes, the school should make reasonable adjustments. That depends on how your son sees it all, he could just be allowed to write in pencil without any discussion around pen licences. If he finds it shaming or embarrassing, he can just write in pen. I mean next year (or certainly by secondary school) they'll all be writing in pen anyway and no one will have a pen licence!

For those criticising the parents.. Usual punishments don’t work for the ADHD brain. The stick approach does not work (carrot does and lots of praise) they don’t really care about consequences.

And often if you push and push they will then do the opposite. It’s a lot of fun!

Speaking as someone who is medicated for ADHD…he has a choice. He takes the medication and gets the benefit, or doesn’t take it and experiences the natural consequences. It‘s sending a confusing message if you want him to not take the meds, but also not experience the consequences. The school is doing nothing wrong.

The minute I stopped trying to get my son to take the meds he decided to take them for himself. Initially I’d be coming at him with a pill in my hand. That went well (it didn’t). It’s not easy.

Would you say the same if it was sedative medication for a child?

Edited to say:
It's just not really a free choice, is it? Either take these stimulants which might make you feel awful, or be shamed in front of your peers for something that just really doesn't matter.

If the child had a medical condition that meant they needed sedative medication to function, then yes? What an odd question. OP’s DS’ functioning is clearly reduced when he doesn’t take the medication, and he is experiencing tje natural consequences when he doesn’t take it. Removing evidence of the consequences won’t help him, it will just allow him to deny his diagnosis, which OP says is the main issue.