To think son’s school should be making special allowances for his ADHD

[charl87x]

My son has ADHD and takes medication. He only has it on school days to help with his concentration. Some days he doesn’t want to take it so he doesn’t. On the days he doesn’t take it, it reflects on his school work, especially his hand writing. Twice he has had his pen license taken away, and this is on the days he hasn’t had his medication. I try to convince him to take his medication but he just refuses on some days. He’s still coming to terms with having ADHD, and although he knows the medication helps, still refuses some days. Am i wrong to be annoyed that he is having his pen license taken away? It just seems to me they are making no special allowances for his ADHD. He came home from
school on Friday really disheartened about it. What i find worse is his teacher is the school SENCO. I would have thought she had more understanding of his needs. Should i complain about this? I dont want him to think having ADHD allows him to get away with things but also think slight allowances should be made.

I agree and think the school is doing OK on this. It doesn't sound as if he's being punished so much as being told he can't use a pen without the extra coordination the meds give him. Which is helpful to him, not punitive.

Pen licences are absolute shit. No schools should have them, never mind using them in this way.

I don’t know a great deal about adhd medication but I would be asking as a reasonable adjustment that they don’t do this.

There is no benefit to them or your child in revoking his pen licence, it’ll likely just make them hate writing.

There’s some real ignorance with ADHD. Medication isn’t the only option with learning to live with ADHD or the only reason to get a diagnosis. Lots of people can’t actually have ADHD medication.

Agree. I really feel for teachers who have now so many more things added to their list besides teaching. If you cannot get your ONE child to take his meds, you expect a teacher who has 30 other kids to manage it.

My daughter has dyspraxia too, she never got her pen license. Do you know how awful that is for self esteem and how much it sets you back as regards writing.

Pen licenses should be banned.

All medication is optional unless you don't have mental capacity to decide. The law is slightly different for under 16s but even children get a say in their medication.

If it's an inhaler for asthma and a child refuses in an acute attack, they clearly do not have the capacity to make that decision and a decision will be made in their best interests (I.e. they could die otherwise) and force is appropriate. Forcing a child to take stimulants so that they can be allowed a pen at school is totally and utterly inappropriate.

With neurodivergent conditions there's also a big slippery slope (look at the STOMP/STAMP programme). Should we sedate autistic or ADHD kids with benzos or antipsychotics if they shout out in class?

Actually some ADHD medication does need to be taken daily because if stopped suddenly it's dangerous so needs medical care prior and during the break. Some ADHD medication is fine to have a break with and some ADHD medication breaks are encouraged for people on it. My son is on one that he cannot have a break without his paediatricians consent in advance. Any break also requires a medical check for him prior to it and during the break from the medication.

OP hasn't specified which one he is on hence lots of people saying check with his medical professional first prior to the break.

My DD wasn't able to get her medication for a couple of weeks recently and she had to work from home, as she physically couldn't cope with being in the office without her medication. Luckily her job makes a lot of allowances for her and her ADHD, but they wouldn't allow the situation to continue indefinitely. She's not a big fan of being medicated, but having to keep a job and continue to pay the bills to keep a roof over her head is a very strong motivator.

OP, I think talks with your DS about taking personal responsibility and how it might impact his future life (in an age appropriate way, obviously) might be an idea. How many posts do we have on here from women whose partners have medication that they just don't 'want' to take, and it impacts their entire relationship? Taking his medication isn't just about him, it's about his entire environment and everyone he interacts with.

There’s a lot of assumptions being made on here. Has the OP said what type of ADHD? Saying he will be disruptive if he doesn’t take his meds, and poor teachers etc. He may have inattentive ADHD which presents differently. My son was never disruptive or badly behaved. In fact the the teachers at primary (and myself) did not know he had ADHD.

He needs to learn to accept that actions have consequences. A year 4 child should not be making their own medical decisions; You are the parent. Children I have taught with ADHD have problems learning when off their meds during a school day and they can stop taking them on weekends and holidays if it’s appropriate.

Surely it's a good thing. He has a choice in whether to take the medicine or not-and this is a way he can see how the medicine effects him.

When I was in labour, and has a tens machine on, I didn't think it was doing anything. So I took it off. Within a short time I realised how much it was doing, so it went back on.
Ds started needing to take allergy medicine from about age 8. He doesn't like taking it. But he's learnt that if he doesn't then after 2-3 days he starts feeling stuffed up and gets headaches.
I won't say he remembers all the time, but once he'd worked out the link he got much better.

Talk to him about the link at a point when he's calm and happy to talk. Having a definite link that he can see is good because he can focus on it. You could even try noting down every day whether he took the medicine and what a day he's had.

I have seen first hand the consequences when a child who needs meds does not take the medication every day. A child I used to teach was not consistent and parents allowed the child to choose on a day to day basis. When the child had taken their medication they were able to work, attend and make good progress. On the days they didn't they were like someone who was going cold turkey on drugs - exhausted, hyper, unable to complete tasks. It was for me a safeguarding issue. The medication didn't just make things a bit easier for the child. It was enabling the child to thrive and learn.

There is also a scale of ADHD with some people being unable to function without meds and some are more mild.

Some just needs meds around exam time or in their school years but not as an adult. They have can have an impact and on growth (every check up blood pressure, height and weight are checked). So let’s not pretend these meds are without side effects.

Stupid comment. I'm glad you're not my child's teacher. Shaming parents of children with ADHD is a bizarre thing to do.

Does your son not like the feeling of being on meds? Does he feel 'less himself'?

I had a friend who had quite severe and disruptive ADHD as an adult. He tried meds but quit after 2 years as they gave him stomach problems. He also began to disagree with them on principle because he felt like they were for the benefit of society, not him. As he put it, 'They want us to fit into their box, when we should build our own boxes'. I have a certain sympathy for his view but it's hard for little ones at school. It's also hard that class sizes are enormous and teachers are juggling lots of kids with SEN in a single room.

If you can, begin teaching him that school is a stepping stone to help him reach his life goals. Remind him that reaching goals is a process not just a vision. The process can be madly frustrating for those of us with ADHD - we often can't figure it out. We see where we want to get to but not the steps to getting there. That's the bit that meds can support. He also needs to learn that choices bring consequences. I think his teacher is actually being quite clever.

Is your son bothered by the pen license being taken away ?

I wouldn’t force my child to take the ADHD meds but I would tell him that the ADHD meds help him keep the pen license (if that’s a motivation for him)

My son has ADHD and didn’t get his own license until the age that everybody in the class started writing in pen.

I think it's a safeguarding issue to force a child to take very strong meds against their will so a teacher won't take away their pen licence.

@MadKittenWoman "He needs to learn to accept that actions have consequences. A year 4 child should not be making their own medical decisions". Isn't that a complete contradiction?

Is the pen license being taken away as a punishment or is he just being required to use pencil on the days where he is struggling to write legibly in pen? I think it would be reasonable for the teacher to ask him to write in pencil if he’s struggling on that particular day but I don’t think it’s reasonable if the removal of the pen license is being used to shame him or make him feel he’s done something wrong. I also don’t think it’s reasonable if he’s prevented from trying again the next day when presumably he might be able to write more legibly. The whole idea of a pen license is ridiculous IMO as it places unnecessary shame on the kids who ( for reasons completely out of their control) cannot write as well 🙄🙄.

I’d also recommend trying to work on his acceptance of his ADHD by discussing how ADHD brains work. Not just talking about how medication makes things easier but what specific skills might be harder and also what kinds of things people with ADHD might be particularly good at. It can also help to research well known people with ADHD and what they’ve said about living with ADHD especially if you can find someone familiar to him or whom he thinks of as a role model (eg a sports star, musician, actor that he already knows).

My brother has adhd and has to take his medication every single day - not just work days and never skipping a day or it all goes a bit difficult for him. Did the doctor say he should only take it on weekdays?

I think he’s old enough to work within a reasonable expectation. If he’s not going to do it, then there’s nothing the school can do. Definitely not the school’s responsibility to police his choices as they just have to deal with the consequences. I’d focus more on working with your son - maybe find some examples of people he admires who also have to take daily medication or ask around for a support group of some sort so he can see it’s not just him. I understand it can be quite isolating (my daughter and I are autistic and she has eczema so we have had lots of medication battles here too) but there are communities out there for both you and him and that might help.

Trust me, if he's severe enough that he's got medication - the children know.

I am a teacher with ADHD, I take my meds everyday. My performance at work has improved significantly in the 6 months I've had them.

When pupils don't take their medication, it makes for very difficult days that involve lots of paperwork and situation management, that have an impact on every child in the room. If the only consequences so far is having to write in pencil, then his school are being amazing.

Do you warn the school on days he hasn't had his meds? That can be a really helpful thing - helps to set the tone of the day for the adults so that they can manage behaviour gently but effectively.

@TheFastTraybake I'm a bit surprised at your post. Actions / choices DO have consequences. I'm not sure why it's shaming for a child. He needs to learn his decisions affect other people as well as himself. I have worked with young people with ADHD and can immediately tell whether they have taken their medication or not. It really won't just be this little boy's writing that deteriorates but probably also his general ability to manage being in the classroom. This impacts him but will also impact others.

Has the OP said her child is disruptive when he doesn’t take his meds? Or that he’s just losing the pen license?

We seem to have made a big jump here that he’s bouncing off the walls and causing issues. We don’t know that. My DS never did.

And you were very restrained not mentioning the undoubted effects on the other children in the class (even if only by reducing the amount of attention available for them) on the days the child hadn’t taken the medication.

100%

Yes.

While the impact of not taking meds is on others as well, children totally need body autonomy.

Mine suppresses my appetite. Maybe he's not coping with some side effects. Might be worth a chat.