To think son’s school should be making special allowances for his ADHD

[charl87x]

My son has ADHD and takes medication. He only has it on school days to help with his concentration. Some days he doesn’t want to take it so he doesn’t. On the days he doesn’t take it, it reflects on his school work, especially his hand writing. Twice he has had his pen license taken away, and this is on the days he hasn’t had his medication. I try to convince him to take his medication but he just refuses on some days. He’s still coming to terms with having ADHD, and although he knows the medication helps, still refuses some days. Am i wrong to be annoyed that he is having his pen license taken away? It just seems to me they are making no special allowances for his ADHD. He came home from
school on Friday really disheartened about it. What i find worse is his teacher is the school SENCO. I would have thought she had more understanding of his needs. Should i complain about this? I dont want him to think having ADHD allows him to get away with things but also think slight allowances should be made.

Which is fine, but the school aren't doing anything wrong by not adapting to him when he randomly decides he doesn't want to take it.

Because it has some difficult side effects( weight loss, disrupted sleep, irritability)and doesn’t need to be taken all the time. Also holidays from it can be beneficial.

Would it help him to show all the celebrities who have ADHD?
There are so many who speak about it and it might help him to see that he can still be a superstar and have an amazing life with ADHD.

Your sons needs might not qualify him for an ehcp. They're notoriously hard to get. But, his one page profile should have agreed accommodations on it.

Does the school know the days he doesn't take meds? They may think it's a choice he's making without realising his thought processes will likely be less organised, more impulsive and harder to manage on non meds days.

One of the things your son does need to learn is actions have consequences. Otherwise he is being set up to believe he can use his adhd as an excuse for poor behaviour for life.

Action - not taking medication
Consequence - handwriting messy, pen use revoked.

While I don't agree with pen licences and my adhders both never got theirs, it's a very easy example to use as your son has experienced it.

I have one on meds and one waiting. On the days where Ds complies with the agreed medication regime, I always defend him if he gets unfairly sanctioned. Eg rules are not made explicit, he gets overwhelmed and ends up making a poor choice. Because he is showing he is trying.

On days he does not, he takes the consequences of poor behaviour because he has opted not to help himself first.

If the pen licence is a hill you want to die on, have it written into his support profile. Both of mine have no sanctions for lack of homework completed because by the time they get home, they need to regulate themselves and have a strong resistance as school work is for school in their eyes. They're encouraged to attend homework club but this is not a compulsory activity so cannot be forced by me or school. This is written into both profiles and I've explained the consequences to our family if we try to force them to.

It might be worth sitting down with your son and asking why he doesn't like taking the medication. If it's about him feeling different, you're right to reinforce that no one knows as he's taking them at home. But also look at famous people who have adhd - Simone biles, Justin timberlake, Michael Phelps - a quick google search through up quite a few. And if he's not engaged in extra curricular, I recommend. Mine do competitive trampolining and music lessons. It's made such a difference.

He wants it so he takes his medication schools can only do so much

Well they are as other measures should be offered. A child shouldn’t be forced to take it. Many adults and children's opt not to take it and prefer to use other coping strategies. ADHD drugs are controlled drugs for a reason. So he should be offered the strategies offered to the many unmedicated children the school will have. ND people are at bigger risk of being over medicated hence the protective measure of STOMP.

Totally agree. Pen licenses are nasty and cruel. They take no account if things like dyspraxia.

And they make the focus on the quality of the handwriting rather than the content

I think the constant focus on handwriting turned both my children off enjoying writing.
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I would be consistently clear that you think it's in his best interests to take it every day but only he can know how he feels in his body and mind when he takes it vs when he doesn't.

I agree though that the school can continue to hold their own consequences - and I'd be surprised if the teacher isn't already making accommodations for him in other aspects of his behaviour when he's unmedicated.

This is why I am saying check it (if the OP has not already). My Ds was specifically advised NOT to skip.

I would be very surprised if a 7 year old was deemed to be Gillick competent.

My son bas adhd, diognosed at 7 but was idenitfied as sen from age 2 at nursery.
What kind of school is be at? My son was at a private nursery attached to a private school and they said they would not support him so I removed him and he went to state school.
The state school treated him so well and before he even had a diognosis they made all the accomodations they could and worked with him to support him. We never crossed the boundary for echp but he has been suported through primary and secondary. However, I repeatedly had to meet with the teachers to remind them what he needs. They would forget about his movements breaks for example and then I would get calls home about him being disruptive. Thrn meet with them, find out that he hadnt had any movement breaks and they would put them back in place.
It is a constant battle and you are his best advocate and need to be on top of the school.

OP just wanted to say ignore the ignorant responses about forcing your child to take medication. We were advised to have a break from daily ADHD meds by the prescriber as they have potential side effects (especially on appetite/weight loss), so clearly they don’t need to be taken daily. Forcing a child to take meds (especially when a lot of ADHD kids may also have PDA) is in the long run counterproductive. We were told again by the professionals to offer and encourage. We also get refusals some days (which especially when we can see the difference is exasperating). Over time we have pointed out the differences (behaviour, concentration, handwriting) in small ways and backed off from arguing and now they take them most school days / when needs to focus.

i would have a chat with the school and say the consequence is having a negative impact on your child’s self esteem and see what they say. I also thought once you had a licence it couldn’t get revoked. Mine has terrible handwriting when off their meds but hadn’t lost their licence as a result.

I don't even know how you would force him to take the medication? Hold him down?

@charl87xI’d ask for this to be moved over to the SEN board, you’ll get much more measured and sympathetic responses. There is an ADHD medication thread on there too which could be helpful.

I have ADHD and the medicine didn't agree with me so I don't take it. The thought of someone forcing me, an adult, to take it is horrific let alone a child who has no agency.

OP you're absolutely right to let him not take it on days he doesn't want to, please don't let anyone - here or IRL - pressure you to change your compassionate parenting.

Also - not the point of the thread but WTF is a pen license?!

I’d be very supposed if anybody recommended forcing a child to take amphetamines alongside ignoring their dislike of side effects particularly when those prescribing recommend having breaks from them and point out that there are other methods of coping with AdHD. I have 2 children on meds and one not. It’s his choice and not mine. Psychs when prescribing make it clear it’s the patients choice and other coping strategies can be looked at.

Also - good idea about role models with ADHD. Is there anyone you know with it? My youngest really welcomed the diagnosis as they knew their elder sibling had it and we talk really positively about their successes.

My eldest is in their 20s and chooses to use their meds daily as they can see the benefits. About to graduate in top 3% of their year and has an excellent job lined up! (Just don’t expect them to turn a tap off after using it!)

An outdated and lazy teaching strategy.

I agree with this. I’m shocked by the comments on here so have had to stop reading. I think until you have a child with ADHD you don’t understand so maybe this thread should be on a different board? As I don’t think you are getting helpful or sympathetic or correct advice.

Firstly it’s fine to take breaks according to my DS’s doctor - so that advice you’ve had that he has to take them every day is incorrect.

Children with ADHD have already spent years struggling without knowing why before they are diagnosed..so already feel pretty crappy about themselves.

Then they need to deal with the diagnosis- of course they can’t force them to take the medication if they don’t want to! My DS refused for a few months then candle to his own conclusion. I just offered advice and support.

Medication helps but there are also side effects such as hunger supression (tricky with boys that do sport) and it can affect sleep.

I would speak to the school again and see if they can be more supportive. I have found secondary much better than primary. They don’t sweat the small stuff - they can use computers for writing etc.

It will be upsetting and frustrating for him to keep having the license taken away and so unnecessary. He shouldn’t feel forced in to taking the medication. My DS just naturally started taking it more when he saw the impact. But he still has lots of breaks.

I relate to your son hating ADHD. Have you considered the advantages that ADHD also gives him? It won't be any easier to take the medication but it may help him to accept the diagnosis.

At some point you both will need to understand that he lives in a neurotypical world.
Asking the school to make allowances for him when he takes medication is understandable

Asking the school to make allowances when he doesn't do his side of the deal is not.

He needs to understand he needs to do his part and meet the school half way. Taking medication isn't a choice, unfortunately.

Oh and if I had forced him he would never have taken them. Because that is an ADHD trait - not liking being told what to do! I have a child with ADHD and one neuro typical. Unfortunately I have to parent them very differently.

Schools do indeed have a legal responsibility under The Equality Act to make reasonable adjustments for SEND students. It may well be wise to start the process of getting an EHCP in place as they take forever, but in the meantime talk to them about their responsibilities, and what reasonable adjustments your son is going to need.

educationhub.blog.gov.uk/2023/04/what-are-reasonable-adjustments-and-how-do-they-help-disabled-pupils-at-school/

What helped my son is that a few teachers at school (with ADHD) spoke to him about their experiences and how the meds have helped them. And there are quite a few others at his school with ADHD.

It requires a gentle approach and support.

Sure - but none of that appears to be the case for the OP’s son. Who is 7.

OP you think your son aged 9 has the right to make his own choices, you seem to have opted out of parenting. What about the effect his behaviour has on the teachers and other kids in his class ? God help you both when he's an older teen.