Is this weird parenting?

[JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen]

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

I think that buying a necklace or doing anything to 'celebrate' your daughter's first period is strange, yes. It would would be like your parents celebrating your first pubic hair, or first kiss or losing your virginity. That is nothing whatsoever at all to do with shame. Of course, periods are nothing to hide or be embarrassed about at all. They are fairly ordinary, but private. Private is not all all the same as shameful or embarrassing.

And believing that periods signify the start of womanhood is medieval and weird. I would have been freaked out if my mother had said this to me and I would never had said it to my DDs either. Because it just isn't.

This is a great idea. Then, when she loses her virginity, you can buy her the matching earrings to complete her womanly set.

When I lived in Greece for a while as an au pair, I noticed that the transition to womanhood was celebrated. Girls going through puberty were made to feel special and they were given gifts. In this country, it seems to be ignored and treated as something we shouldn't really discuss, like its an embarrassment. If your daughter is into gold jewellery, then I think it is a lovely gesture.

Yes!

Lol!!!!!!!

In many South Asian countries, menarche (first period) is a massive thing to be celebrated with auspicious activities and a party. The girl receives lots of gifts, generally lifeling ones like gold and jewelry. Although I never got anything for my twin girls when they each got their periods, my ex-husband got them a pair of diamond earrings. I thought it was nice. Of course, we're both from that culture.

If u want her to think u r a nutter and not talk to u again.

Well, it wouldn't be something I would do. OP, maybe she doesn't want you drawing attention to it. It's pretty personal stuff. I would rather have drilled my own teeth than share that sort of a conversation with my dm.

Can't you just fill a hot water bottle for her, and put the money towards holiday fun money.

Bit cringe. Especially it being a red droplet necklace.

When I started, I remember being super embarrassed. My mum seemed so pleased as she gave me bulky pads and a sanitary belt! Yes, I'm that old! It was so cringe! Even if she had given me gold, diamonds, or rubies, it would not have lessened the excruciating embarrassment I felt.

Perhaps keep that pretty jewellery for when she turns 13 or something. Then it will be associated in her mind as a valuable reminder of mum's love and support through often turbulent teenage years.

The one the op was thinking of buying isn't red, it's pink and comes in other colours. I think it's very pretty but a bit much/expensive as a first period gift. Something simple, pretty, in a nice bag would be more appropriate.

My mum gave me a necklace when I started my period and I experienced it as a lovely thing. I was only 11 (it was a simple small silver pendant) and she didn’t make it about entering womanhood but she probably talked about it being a big thing I was going through or similar. Contrary to what pp have said it (and probably her general approach) did remove some of the awkwardness/embarrassment for me and I still remember it fondly so I don’t think it’s weird parenting at all.

My beloved mother was very positive about my starting periods - "Ooh youre a woman now". She wasn't a feminist (probably the opposite - very traditional views on male and female roles) but I felt that this was a very positive instinctive and insightful reaction (this was about 60 years ago) . I did the same for both my daughters- bought them simple gold pendants.
I think it's weird that some people think celebrating the transition to womanhood is weird...

Definitely odd. And the necklace is not a style that modern teenagers would ever wear, and even more so for what it's supposed to represent! I would have been embarrassed and horrified.

I think giving her a womanhood necklace might make the subject a bit more awkward around her. It would help to support your teen through this transition more practically. You can have a casual chat about what to expect, be calm when she does get it but help her in ways that will makes things easier for her. Get her a period kit, a period tracker. I recommend you read this article about how to talk to your teen about first periods x

Weird. Just get her a small basket of practical things like pads and a pouch to keep them in for school, period pants, some snacks.

Extremely helpful for talking to my DD about her first period, made it not embarrassing (and my daughter gets very very embarrassed)

Update: dd got her first period, just a little before her 15th birthday. I took her shopping as she’s had a growth spurt recently and needed a few things and while we were out I said I’d buy her some jewellery if she’d like, and she chose a lovely silver necklace with a delicate pendant.

So whether or not it’s weird parenting, it worked for us!