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Original poster

Is this weird parenting?

493 replies

JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen · 03/05/2025 15:36

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

OP posts:
DuchessofSuffolk · 05/05/2025 10:35

I knew a girl once who was Greek. She told me that the older women of the family would slap you in the face when you started your period as a “welcome to womanhood” type thing.

Better than a slap in the face I guess, my LG is only a baby but I would most likely just buy her a little pamper kit when the time comes.

Sorbetto · 05/05/2025 10:45

Go for it !

I was so intrigued by these podcasts on the bbc that really look at periods and one episode (sorry can’t remember which) talks about how other cultures mark the start of the period in a more celebratory way than we do in the UK, I’m sure it helps the girls feel able to talk freely about the associated pains and issues (really worth a listen about female health in general quite eye opening):

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p0bvg9nm?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

Im totally going to pinch your idea when my DD starts hers it’s very great you are celebrating her

ImagineImagine · 05/05/2025 11:39

perhaps a care package, including period pants, stick on heat packs, fluffy hot water bottle, hot chocolate sachets, anything you think she may need that can be tucked under her bed. I’m 45, and remember being very embarrassed by it. I asked my mum ( who is a great mum) not to tell anyone. She told my 18 year old cousin, who ran into my room to cuddle me. She was trying to be supportive, but I was horrified. So I’d play it down, if I were you. Give her the care package, and let her know you’re there for any questions she may have.

pollymere · 05/05/2025 12:15

I'd planned to let mine get their ears pierced. They didn't want to (did it for 16th instead). I asked them if they wanted to do anything to mark it instead but I got the "weird Mother" stare. I guess it depends on your child!

Changedusernameforthis2 · 05/05/2025 12:32

I think k this adds to anxiety not makes it better. It turns a normal thing into something massive that needs marking with something very special (jewellery)

Dramatic · 05/05/2025 12:43

nyancatdays · 04/05/2025 18:32

Ah, then we should definitely mark the occasion for young girls with silence, embarrassment and shame in that case?

Why are people still saying OP is making things “public”? Because she’s buying her daughter a necklace? Is that the same as putting up a flag or something? I never felt embarrassed by my period as a teenager - yes it was inconvenient, messy and sometimes painful, but why should it be “mortifying” and hidden? Girls talk about their periods to each other, and to their mums, and even to teachers in school - unless there’s been some kind of new Victorian shamefulness descended since I was a teenager. I don’t know why all the posters on this thread have such weird hang-ups about periods — not remotely like women I know in real life.

Edited
Show quote history

Why have you taken me saying I don't think it's something to celebrate to mean that I think girls should be shamed and embarrassed? Bit of a leap. It would be like my husband buying me a necklace when I got my first hot flush at the start of the menopause. Just odd.

Zone2NorthLondon · 05/05/2025 12:43

Hell no. Don’t impose that woohoo you’re a womanly now a special blood princess nonsense on her
Chocolate, some treats,furry hot water bottle - that will do it

HerNeighbourTotoro · 05/05/2025 12:49

When I read the phrase "cusp of womanhood" I felt like I wanted to be sick, it's so cringeworthy.

Deboragh · 05/05/2025 12:56

It's called The Menarche. I totally agree with you, it's the start of 'womanhood' for her, and is a right of passage. A great time to have several conversations about the relevance and implications of it all. Keep it light and celebrate it. A piece of jewellery is a lovely way to do it. I was living with my sister when my eldest started, she baked her a cake and we had a little party.

Deboragh · 05/05/2025 13:02

CrownCoats · 03/05/2025 15:46

I think it’s nice. I’ve been reading The Anxious Generation and one of the interesting points that it makes is that in western culture we’ve lost all of the traditional markers of reaching milestone moments for our kids. More traditional cultures still do this so children know and are treated differently when they hit these milestones. For instance, Amazonian tribes take their boys away from the home for a ceremony for a few days, which might involve competiting a physical challenge, and when they return they are a man.

I’m sure I’m not explaining it well, but I think it’s a great idea OP.

Agree, I think it's a shame we don't have a right of passage these days.

CatsnCoffee · 05/05/2025 14:34

Well intentioned, but not necessarily appropriate. Just being supportive and sympathetic would be best.

Naepalz · 05/05/2025 15:44

My older DD started her periods just after her 10th birthday and was traumatised even though she'd had it all explained some years before. I think if I'd bought her a necklace she'd have thought I'd lost my mind.
However you know your daughter best so don't you have some idea if she'd like this OP?
Personally before doing this I'd ask her. You wouldn't have to tell her what you were planning to buy - just that you thought she might like something to mark the occasion. You will then know if she appears keen or horrified and can react accordingly.

wehavea2319 · 05/05/2025 16:39

We do mark milestones though- 18th birthdays are usually a big deal (and to a lesser extent ‘milestone’ birthdays like 16th or 21st), first and last days of primary school, first and last days of secondary school, prom, exam results, university graduation, baby showers and so on. The thing with periods is that girls all start at different times- amongst a group of friends some may start as early as 9 whilst others not for another five years or so. So it doesn’t really define a specific moment of ‘becoming a woman’ or whatever.

CelestialGazer · 05/05/2025 16:42

Whoarethoseguys · 03/05/2025 15:47

I don't think you need buy her anything to mark her first period. I think it would bf making too much of it. It's just a normal stage of development like first steps, potty training etc. She will still be a child when she has her first period not a woman. Also if you had a son would you do similar then he enters into puberty?

“Son, to mark you entering puberty (as I noticed your sheets were a bit crusty this morning) I’ve bought you a box of Kleenex in a convenient size for your bedside table.,”

CandidRaven · 05/05/2025 17:23

I'd have found it embarrassing as a teen, so would my daughter I bought sanitary towels and put them in the bathroom and told her about them, that was the only level of acknowledgement I thought was needed

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 05/05/2025 17:26

Isn’t this a little like celebrating coming of age which is very common in the Jewish religion and I assume others.

No issue with it aside from how you’re going to approach it. The last thing I wanted when I started my periods was a load of song and dance. I was embarrassed.

Bread121bread · 05/05/2025 17:47

Golidlocksandthethreeswears · 03/05/2025 15:43

I'd love a menstrual necklace!

Said no teenager ever.

As a yound teen a class mate got a gold set when she started her period from her dad. She said she loved it.

Mo819 · 05/05/2025 18:01

Can't say I would of appreciated it personally

Hollybobs1 · 05/05/2025 19:06

I'm sorry but that's weird...

Newbie8918 · 05/05/2025 19:13

PeloMom · 03/05/2025 21:54

I think it’s bizarre you’d buy her jewellery but aren’t actively involved in educating her about her body (she knows from her friends; her sport are educating them on cycle and potential injuries through phases etc). A better gift is if you explain her how to put a tampon, educate her on all sanitary products so she’s aware, have a small bag ready with spare undies, sanitary products etc.

Sanitary towels, some chocolate and a nice body wash…..yes.

A period necklace…….no. This is slightly weird.

Newbie8918 · 05/05/2025 19:14

@PeloMom so sorry. Don’t know why this quoted you!

Missycoops · 05/05/2025 19:24

I think it’s unusual but I don’t think it’s weird if you don’t make it weird. Just tell her it’s an important moment and you wanted to buy her something to cheer her up/reminder that she can always talk to you or whatever. I would have loved my mum to have talked to me about starting my period or have done something nice like that. Instead I just felt really ashamed.

mummybear35 · 05/05/2025 19:26

You do you and only you know your own child…but…I personally would have hated it! As a teen hitting puberty, the last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself and my period! The thought that my mum would celebrate it would have horrified me..sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lavender14 · 05/05/2025 19:26

Illprobqblychangemynameagain · 03/05/2025 15:43

You'd be better off getting her a pamper set of some sort and some snacks surely?

I think it's lovely to want to do something for her, but I agree a wee pamper set and snacks sounds more apt. If you wanted to get a little something special to put in with that then fair enough, but maybe do it to cheer her up rather than to 'mark' her period arriving.

Itsoneofthose · 05/05/2025 19:29

You could get her it to cheer her up if she’s feeling down but certainly don’t make out as if it’s related to getting her first period. That’s a bit odd. She’s not mentally a woman. It’s nice that you want to gift her something but just maybe not for that.