Is this weird parenting?

[JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen]

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

Well while I think its a bit of an odd thing to do, bear in mind I have a 14 year old who came home from her dads this weekend with a face like a smacked arse. I said "All ok?" and she said "No, period again.....told dad to fuck off". Then she cried. We have a bad gynae history in our family, we all suffer.

My DD wouldnt be ok with that gift, but only you know if yours would be.

PS. I messaged her father that she was sorry she had told him to fuck off, as she asked me to because she was going to sleep with a water bottle.

I think it's actually really nice, symbolic and highlighting of femininity and womanhood. We go through some horrible stuff so trying to make the best of it is nice, surely?

If someone were to say "nice necklace, where did you get it?" Your DD could just say "it was a gift from my mum."

I think your really thoughtful x

There was (maybe still is?) a thing called "Pink Parties". It was where a mother threw a party for her daughter with only women in attendance, to celebrate her first period.

I saw a documentary about it donkeys years ago (80's I think) and the girl was mortified and her friends were obviously sympathetic. The mothers were loving it. IIRC I think it was a dig at the men-hating-women's-libbers (as they were known then), "proving" that feminism wasnt about equality or equity but just us hating men.

Transition to womanhood

🤮

Give yourself a shake.

and just buy her a bar of chocolate a hot water bottle and a day off school

I think it’s a really nice idea. I’m trying to normalise and even celebrate periods with mine - they find it fascinating they have a monthly cycle. It is a big milestone. I’m surprised so many find it bizarre but out culture around periods is also bizarre

I agree with @CrownCoats and @CalypsoCuthbertson . It’s not weird to mark man / womanhood in many cultures. If you think she would like the gesture, go for it. If she would find it weird then don’t.

As for all the posters who have said how weird it will be for your daughter to explain the necklace to other people, does anyone go into the provenance of their belongings if they are ever commented on. If someone says it’s nice she’ll say thank you. If they ask where she got it, she’ll say that t was a gift from her mum.

Go for it. We ve done the same.

when my eldest got her period I knew i wanted to change the lexicon around them (but yes periods are shit) and celebrate her womanhood. So i took her and her little sister for a mani pedi in a lovely salon where they had a smoothie and the girls made a huge fuss of her - I had warn them.

the. We met with my husband at a lovely hotel where we had an afternoon tea. He whispered in her ear “congratulations”.

we did the same with our youngest when she started it.

for both girls i told my mum and sisters who all send them some pretty presents like a perfume, flowers and a lovely PJ. I gave them each a little pouch of their necessary kit.

i think it s a beautiful thing you are planning.

Just to add, i had been talking about sisterhood all the time so for them it was like they had entered a girl club.
then a year later, they both swimming in a lake with my niece who is 23 at the time and their cousin who is also 23 and other cousins.

only for my daughter to realise she has her period, as sisterhood prevailed my niece and her cousin sorted my daughter out, had her call me and she was able to have a blast. I then bought immediately period bikini pants.

it was more to celebrate the milestone than saying “oh period mani pedi”, the milestone was more important than the physical side to it.
(she also got a hot water bottle)

Nah. Im guessing most girls don’t want a fuss made, and every time she looks at it she’ll be reminded not of her transition into womanhood but of the day she started her period which, let’s face it, it’s miraculous and allows us to have our babies, but it’s painful and messy and an annoying monthly nuisance! Having said that, for some reason when I started mine my dad wanted to take me out and get me a gift. The whole thing was awkward and I ended up choosing, of all things, a Nike T-shirt! It ended up being one of my favourite t shirts and whenever I wore it I actually wasn’t reminded of my period but of how awkward but sweet and kind my dad was to me. I also had an aching sore tummy and he took me to get painkillers, a pot noodle and my favourite chocolate bar!

You’d be better getting her a care package of sanitary towels, paracetamol, a cute hot water bottle, maybe some period undies if that’s the way she wants to go, chocolate and some luxurious pamper products.

Isn't there a French tradition of lightly slapping your dd's face when they start their period? It's supposed to bring luck in matters of love.

I think it's a bit weird sorry OP but you know your dd best.

the. We met with my husband at a lovely hotel where we had an afternoon tea. He whispered in her ear “congratulations”.

That just made me throw up in my mouth a little.

I am ethnically Indian and in my culture we mark the start of periods. I hated it. I did get some nice gifts including jewellery, but as a young girl the idea that everyone gets to know (including men), that your periods have started and that they hold a function is mortifying.

Friend to DD ' Love your necklace'
DD 'Thanks My Mum bought it for me when I first started my period'

How weird does that sound? Buy her a nice hot water bottle that's practical & private.

Haven’t RTFT so apologies if I am repeating a point already made…

In many cultures, including my own, these ceremonies are essentially an advert that the girl is now if marriageable age. The original meaning has thankfully been long forgotten or disregarded and now they are considered right of passage.
For me, it is not something I wanted advertised and I doubt many 10-14 year olds are asked if they actually want to do the ceremony but rather it is assumed and they just go along with it as that is what is done/expected - they are too young to realise or challenge.
Just to be clear, I am not equating OP’s suggestion to such ceremonies!

If that gives you the ick, try Googling "purity balls" in America: special prom events where girls as young as 12 dress up in ballgowns to please their fathers. It's mainstream in some US Christian communities. And these are the people financing the "conservative feminist" movement. What a pack of Halloween clowns they all are.

By comparison, buying your daughter jewellery is sane and lovely! Menarche is a time in life for mothers to hand down all that they have learned. Often the hard way. There's a lot to pass on, wouldn't you say?

Gross.

I am feeling sick that some twist anything and everything. Even lovely gestures.
when I had my periods my mother had depression and never talked to my soster and I about what to do.
luckily my lovely dad brought me to the pharmacy and got me everything i needed.

so excuse me for wanting to have a cherished moment as a family with our daughter growing up and for her dad, my husband, wanting to celebrate her and tell he supporta her no matter what.

you re making a lovely moment i shared sound disgusting.
we know the truth but let me tell you my daughters loved the fuss we made about them, loved the idea of sisterhood - luckily i. Their lives people are a lot nicer - and are very happy in themselves.

i think a lot of you sound very bitter with life sadly but please dont project

I haven’t RTFT but I was given a bunch of flowers (the first time I was ever given flowers, as they were something grown ups got!)

I don’t think it’s weird to try and turn it into a positive coming-of-age moment instead of focusing on potential negatives of getting periods, but I think a keepsake for that specific occasion would be weird to be honest!

yeah I dunno. It was marked because the girl is now fertile and can be handed off to a man to procreate really wasn’t it? Let’s just call it puberty and treat it as a normal part of life, personally.

A necklace?
I was very clear it’s a ring she wears on her finger.
I have no idea what you’re referring to when you’re asking “what the connection is.”

I made a gift box for my Daughter with a book on puberty changes, and a selection of feminine hygiene products- so she was prepared for when the time come.

I think it’s crossed wires OP rather than anything else - you were talking about a ring for one thing, I was talking about a necklace for another

I think having periods needs to be de-shamed - we need to be able to discuss this with young people without embarrassment so we don’t pass on the shame to subsequent generations. I’ve already said above that I think op’s idea is lovely. Recently my 18 year old son’s girlfriend phoned him for support about period pains (he was at a loss as to what to recommend 🤣) but the point was they were both able to discuss her period without embarrassment- in fact he and I chatted about it after the call and then talked a bit about menopause as well. OMG I’d never have spoken about periods with my parents or boys of my age. I don’t think anyone under 50 even knew what the menopause was. In a roundabout way I’m saying the OP is doing her bit to dispel the shame and embarrassment around menstruation.

Period shame & buying a celebratory necklace are discrete issues. Buying a necklace celebrating commencement of menstruation doesn’t debunk period shame. It is an emphasis that @JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen has that her daughter may not share