Is this weird parenting?

[JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen]

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

Starting my periods was one of the worst things that ever happened to me (diagnosed with PCOS at 16). I could not understand why both my Mum and the school nurse congratulated me. I do not want to be reminded of that.

Weird.

Also, periods are not a sign of 'womanhood'.

11 year olds who have their period are children. Not anywhere close to being a woman.

I actually think it's really nice. My parents took me out for a meal the night I started mine to mark the occasion, that was an interesting conversation when the waiter asked what we were out on a Tuesday evening for 😅

I hope you haven't told her "she will have hormonal shit for the next 40 years"!

I didnt get gifts i got pads.

You must all be too young to remember the menarche talk. Very second wave.

I reckon this is a case of a nice sentiment on your part, but potentially awkward execution that might not translate into a cherished memory for your dd.

You could use the money taking her out for a nice day together and just treating her to something a bit more generous than usual — whatever that means for her, based on her likes and priorities. That kind of nice quality time/positivity thing that centres her and makes her feel cherished, because teens often really crave that.

i won’t have to say it: she knows from
her friends. She is later due to intense sport, hence being actually on the cusp of womanhood rather than a mortified 11yo.

About 2 years before I finally started mine at 13, my mother put a packet of sanitary towels and a belt - yes I'm that old - into my bottom drawer and said "That's for when you need them". No explanation whatsoever. I'd no idea what they were or their purpose 🙄

It would probably be better to get her a care package of chocolate, pain relief, hot water bottle etc. Celebrating her transition to womanhood makes it sound like some sort of weird pagan fertility ritual where she's expected to start reproducing.

Yeah it’s weird.

I still recall (after about four decades 😂) my stepmother saying to my oblivious toddler brother in a saccharine voice, ‘Your sister is becoming a woman!’ right after I told her I’d got my period.

I was old enough to recognize that I should just smile at her because she meant well but internally I was like, omg nooo

Not at all weird. Lots of cultures have celebrated the time a girls transition into womanhood. As others have said, ritual is very important to humans. Marking an important change in her life is a perfectly natural thing to do and teaches her that menstruation is a positive thing and not something to be embarrassed about.

Womanhood is 18 not 11!

Awful, embarrassing idea absolutely excruciating - it’s ordinary part of life. I make a big deal of it.

Thing is, there’s ways of marking it that are well judged and ways that aren’t. It’s a valid thing to want to do but you still kind of have to meet teens where they are.

Well, women generally enjoy having sex is that what you want your daughter to do now? think about your unspoken messages.

It is just part of life. Don't make it big deal and it won't be for her. Appropriate sanitary protection for her age and paracetamol that's all she needs snd open and honest conversation about how to keep clean, manage the pain etc.

I would find a period momento a bit mortifying at that age, but looking back after my first period my mum did take me out for food and a “treat day” for being brave. My brothers were so mad I got to go to Franky and Bennies and they didn’t, at the time that was very upmarket to us.

I wouldn’t say get her the jewellery and give it her on her first period, but after you could take her somewhere and let her pick out a nice treat.

Dear God > remember the hammock thingies?

Other teenagers - Love your new necklace!

Your daughter - My mother bought it for me because she thinks that now I've started my periods, I'm a woman.

Other teenagers - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Get a grip and just supply her with sanitary towels etc.

we spent some time talking to our girls about how different cultures mark puberty and read some books about it. thats as far as I think you need to go, just say that other cultures mark this as a transition into womanhood.

If I had a teenager whose menses had not commenced yet, I’d be less concerned about weird rituals like jewellery and speaking to my GP to request blood tests to check her general health.

Sorry but I think it’s a bit fucked up.

Who wants to remember getting their period? Who wants to then hang the reminder around their neck in the colour of menstrual blood every day.

Sorry again. Fucked up.

i think celebrating transitions is beautiful. Go for it. She needn’t call it her period necklace ffs