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Original poster

Is this weird parenting?

493 replies

JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen · 03/05/2025 15:36

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

OP posts:
Roxy69 · 04/05/2025 22:17

Good idea, plant into her mind that it's all going to be horrid from the start. Great thinking.

TheCyanOtter · 04/05/2025 22:20

I actually bought my daughter a moonstone pendant when she started her periods. Moonstone is a representation of feminine energy, intuition and emotional strength. I don’t care if people think it’s weird.

gerul · 04/05/2025 22:32

It's normal in my culture so I don't think weird. She doesn't have to tell people why/when you got it for her if she's not comfortable. Who the hell asks anyway? When you see someone wear a little pendant or bracelet or whatever is it normal to ask what occasion it's marking? As if every single thing people buy is in honour of something.

My grandmother gave a plain gold chain to every granddaughter when it happened. There are other rituals too. She died many years ago and we all cherish it.

Springhassprungxx · 04/05/2025 22:42

Thos is common practice in some cultures - not necessarily a necklace but a gift to celebrate the girl griwing up. I just got my daughter a pamper bag.

Howdoesithappenlikethis · 04/05/2025 23:15

If my dm had done that I'd have been mortified and thought she'd gone quite mad. Don't do it..

Jonstantlycuggling · 04/05/2025 23:20

I think it's a lovely celebratory idea to mark moving from childhood to young womanhood. My Mum took me out to dinner to mark this transition. And I'll do the same. Feminine rituals are really important in many cultures.

LBFseBrom · 04/05/2025 23:27

Howdoesithappenlikethis · 04/05/2025 23:15

If my dm had done that I'd have been mortified and thought she'd gone quite mad. Don't do it..

Yes and it's jolly nice too. I don't have a daughter but people I know who have, always bought them a little something. A gold pendant is a bit much, op, but something pretty and comforting would be appropriate. One of my colleagues bought her daughter a charming little bag, like a small cosmetic bag, with sections for her period gear plus a couple of more expensive than usual toiletries.

Starting periods is a right of passage, the girl is growing up and that should be acknowledged. It's a heck of a lot more than just being able to have babies, there is far more to becoming a woman than that. She is entering a new phase of life and will naturally be different.

I wish my mum had been a bit like you. She was horrible when I started, I've never forgotten it.

Laura95167 · 05/05/2025 00:00

I think as her mam you see it as a right of passage, she may just feel embarrassed and uncomfortable

Not sure I'd wear a period necklace, especially if my dad knew what it was too.

It's a nice idea but I don't think the reality would align to the expectation

healthybychristmas · 05/05/2025 00:02

I used to get my daughter bubble bath, a massive bar chocolate and take a break type magazines.

dEdiCatEdFeliNeEntHusiAst · 05/05/2025 02:06

I think its a lovely idea. The world is full of sheep, do something different 🙂

Sallyssn · 05/05/2025 02:10

Whaaaat!
Just clicked on the link for necklace
.it resembles a big drop of blood!!!
No words for this it is so embarrassing...
Please don't buy it for her thr symbolism is very bad taste

Gremlinsateit · 05/05/2025 02:34

Threads like this remind me that I’m really not English 😂 I think it’s a very nice idea, and second the suggestion to take her to choose one herself.

Wiltingasparagusfern · 05/05/2025 02:43

CurlewKate · 03/05/2025 16:58

I have a little charm my mother gave me when I started my periods 40 years ago. I gave my dd something similar. I really can’t see why people think it’s weird to mark an important occasion…

Honestly I think it’s women carrying a lot of stigma. Or whose own mothers didn’t support them through this.

I wonder if it’s a generational difference. This would be totally normal and would be viewed as supportive in my peer group. I think it’s a lovely idea.

LBFseBrom · 05/05/2025 07:16

Sallyssn · 05/05/2025 02:10

Whaaaat!
Just clicked on the link for necklace
.it resembles a big drop of blood!!!
No words for this it is so embarrassing...
Please don't buy it for her thr symbolism is very bad taste

It doesn't look like blood to me, it's pink, not red. It also comes in blue and some other colour. It would have to e ruby or garnet to resemble blood. Pink is OK.

I'm pretty sure the op wasn't thinking of blood when she saw that necklace.

LBFseBrom · 05/05/2025 07:21

JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen · 03/05/2025 19:17

Thank you all - I think I’m comfortable with the potential weirdness - I am dealing with a child doing GCSE courses rather than Y6 SATs so the level of comprehension and embarrassment is a bit different.

I will take the advice given to take dd out shopping so she can pick her own lovely necklace.

That is a good idea, Jill.

You are not weird at all.

I remember telling my mother that my period has started and all she said was, "Oh no, more expense". A day or two later she said to me that I needn't think I would be treated any different because of it.

I was mortified, it still hurts. Starting menstruation is such a milestone, it needs to e marked in some way.

jennikr · 05/05/2025 07:23

I think it could create pressure on her to behave as if she is 'transitioning into womanhood', and to change and suddenly grow up. When my DD started her period she really didn't change! She did not suddenly begin a dramatic transition.

It feels as though this is something you are creating unnecessarily - she might not start her periods for a couple of years, yet, anyway. Maybe if she talks to you about it and is worried or upset, you could suggest going out to buy her a treat to make her feel better about it. But this feels like something to help you more than her - perhaps you are just struggling with her growing up. If I was you, I would not force her to feel she should do so.

ARainyNightInSoho · 05/05/2025 07:42

There is so much about the OP and many of the responses that I don't agree with or identify with.

  • Starting periods does not at all signify the start of womanhood. For most girls there is a phase of at the very least 5 years before they are actually women. It's a long process psychologically, physically and culturally before you really become a woman. I think I would have been upset and freaked out if I felt I had become at woman at the age of 12. It's strange to force this transition onto somebody so publically
  • Why have so many low key, ordinary events now become occasions for consumption nowadays?
  • Why do periods necessarily mean suffering and the imposition of the idea that women need to be treated and infantilised? The need for choccies I find especially cloying. Ok, yes I am sure chocolate helps some women but I have seen this turned into a 'thing' over the years. Just eat chocolate when you fancy it. But not as a girly treat that you 'deserve' for suffering
  • I found starting my periods to be a practical annoyance for a while until I got used to them. It was the same for my mother and my 3 DDs. I know some women do suffer, and I have huge sympathy for that. But really, how many women suffer that much? It seems to me that the idea of periods as suffering is an opportunity to emphasise women's weakness and at the same time sell them lots of things. Chocolates, supplements, books, special pyjamas .....
ARainyNightInSoho · 05/05/2025 07:45

It's RITE of passage. Not RIGHT of passage

Motherofalittledragon · 05/05/2025 07:47

The more I read on here, the more bonkers it gets!

AmIEnough · 05/05/2025 07:50

Yep! Very weird

BooBooDoodle · 05/05/2025 08:45

Put together a basket of supplies along with some nice chocolate, face masks, serums and a bottle of perfume. Jewellery is a bit ick.

Mumof1andacat · 05/05/2025 09:43

It's weird and embarrassing. Best thing you can do is support her making sure she always has access to feminine hygiene products of her choice and pain killer

ByLimeAnt · 05/05/2025 09:51

I think it's a sweet and loving gesture

Namechangey23 · 05/05/2025 10:07

It's really interesting to see on here the different opinions and different emotions surrounding periods! I remember between groups of friends we were all vying to be the first to start our periods to appear more grown up and were so proud when it finally happened! Seems to be some who want to keep it quiet and others who celebrate. I think it is to be celebrated as it's what sets us apart from men (important to say, I appreciate some biological women are not so fortunate and born without a womb).
I'd have liked to receive a necklace from my mum, it's a personal time and a bit of bonding between mum and daughter, after all your mum gets it, she's had periods for years! Although I do agree with others that particular necklace that looks like a drop of blood is a bit too close for comfort to the realities! Unless she really likes red maybe go for the sapphire option or something cute like a bee or butterfly pendant? One poster mentioned moonstone and I love that idea as the moon cycle is 28 days if you really want a link! Or maybe a pendant with a moon?

wehavea2319 · 05/05/2025 10:31

I don’t think a lot of teenage girls will want to ‘bond’ with their mum over periods though? I was happy to chat to my friends about them but not something I liked discussing with my mum.