Drunken Friday night argument - who was in the wrong?

[FoodLover22]

DP and I had a few drinks last night. We both had a long week with work and a few other stresses and needed to let our hair down.

We were discussing our sex life, it’s mainly good with a couple of gripes but nothing major.

I said how I would like him to be a bit more assertive sometimes and just go ahead and do things rather than consult me. I clumsily said that is how I imagine one of his friends being (I said a name) - I didn’t mean anything by it but in hindsight see it was stupid.

He responded by naming my best friend and saying that he wishes I had an arse like her but that he doesn’t complain. He then said in a sarcastic tone to mimic my comment about his friend ‘I imagine that being great in doggy’.

I went up to bed at this point and haven’t spoke to him since, I know I shouldn’t have said what I did and he took this as a put down, but AIBU to suggest what he replied with was worse? And he should apologise when he wakes up. I don’t know how to play it..

That simply isn’t true, I’ve never thought of him like that.

Jesus I wish I had just shagged him with all this hassle 😂

He's not being pathetic, he's deeply hurt by you.
You are in the wrong,not him. He simply retaliated to your awful comment. The fact you can't see what you've done wrong is really sad. He deserves better.

You’ve said something you can’t take back, about one of his close friends, who he presumably sees often. It’s clearly something you have thought about before whereas his comment was in retaliation and designed to try hurt you like you did him.

You’ve potentially screwed up a friendship for him, probably made him paranoid going forwards and upset him. The fact that it was you who walked off sulking, expecting an apology and are now annoyed that he’s not woken up this morning and is over it is fucking batshit.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. You have a lot of apologising and repairing to do.

Ouch. What you said was pretty awful. He’s retaliated, I’d say that’s what you deserved. I can’t imagine raising a friend’s name during a discussion about sex, very poor of you.

Maybe you can say that to your partner too!

You majorly crossed a line and now are annoyed with HIM because he’s not reacting as you think he should. Give him time, what you said was extremely hurtful and it’s not a good look for you to be instantly annoyed at him again because he hasn’t accepted your apology, which it seems you were only happy to make when others pointed out you were in the wrong, and have then flipped right back to being annoyed at his reaction. Toxic!

That simply isn’t true, I’ve never thought of him like that

Comments do not come out of nowhere, you would have had to have thought about him

im wondering what his life with you is really like, if this is what youre like minimising how he feels or at least telling him how he feels , if he were my son id be telling him to leave without a backwards glance

Priceless. 😂

Well, maybe your husband didn’t mean it either.

So just chill. And join the Pioneers.

You truly don't get it, do you?
What he said wasn't worse. It isn't even Stevens.

He doesn't really want to shag your mate/ see her in suspenders/ whatever.

You criticised his sexual prowess and had ready, as a fine example of how to do it better, his friend. Whom you were supposed to be meeting the next day. That was who you mentioned.

He was shocked, embarrassed and hurt at your readiness to name him. So he went overboard and said comments about shagging his wife. Not ideal but totally, totally in context. It was to DEMONSTRATE HOW HE FELT. Not because he wanted to sleep with the woman in question.

It's a lot easier to move on if you can give a proper, heartfelt apology rather than a dismissal.

Completely agree, it’s exactly what she is doing

You are either a wind up, or a straight up scum bag OP. Self awareness of a bag of mouldy sprouts.

There is nothing more to be done. Apologizing was the right thing to do, but the person you are apologizing to doesn't have to accept your apology.

I think you need to mentally prepare yourself for this relationship to be over. You may both have crossed the line, but you threw the first stone.

Well you started it!

This 100%. I hope to god my son doesnt meet a woman like this.

Both as bad as each other. He tried to hurt you as he you hurt him

2 wrongs don't make a right. apologise but absolutely don't accept your friends being spoken about like absolute crap (if anything you built his mate up!) & sex objects as it does feel more like he likes your friends arse & wanted to offend then make a point

Yeah it seems like everyone has overlooked him objectifying my friend.

It was above average until the last couple of messages. It seems they can’t resist pushing it that bit further and it gives the game away

Isn't that a case of pot kettle though? She objectified his male friend first to a much deeper level and made her DP feel inferior and self conscious to this man but that's okay because no specific anatomy was mentioned?

After you objectified his?

Why don’t you imagine that in that conversation he’d have said ‘can you be a bit more assertive in bed, it’s how I imagine you friend X being’

you have crossed a line and it would be a dealbreaker for me. I don’t think he owes you an apology. You reap what you sow.

Jesus, you are still not getting it