To think that women who fall for romance scammers are idiots?

[YourAmplePlumPoster]

Are women who fall for romance scammers idiots?

Absolutely agree

We can all and most will have been manipulated at some point as adults

Was there an age gap?

I don’t know your brothers friends situation but many of these men who do that think South east Asian women (straight from asia) are submissive and under the thumb and a great boost to the ego.

These young beautiful women play the long game as you say, then basically show them who is boss.

Not sure about this.

i have read many scam articles where the victim starts out by saying they are speaking out as a warning to show anyone can fall for these scams. Usually by the second paragraph I’m agog by their foolishness in missing clear, obvious red flags.

I read one recently where the victim explained that she wasn’t stupid, she had early suspicions but the scammer was so clever that he allayed them- She told the scammer she really was only interested in fellows who liked dogs and lived near her. Lo and behold, when she next logged on, he had changed his profile to a picture of Labrador puppies and had changed his location to the suburb next to her. Yay! She went on with it then.

in her retelling, she used this as evidence that she wasn’t stupid and she had done her due diligence and this was her example of just how manipulative these scammers could be. I couldn’t believe a 30 year old professional could be that moronic.

The recent case of the chef Graham Hornigold, fake mother was cruel.

Yeah exactly, everyone has been misled at one point in their life but it’s just not true that everyone could fall prey to these particular scams @CrocsNotDocs which to most of us would be very obvious.

There was a case local to me where a rich middle aged man was scamed by a women who then hired a hit man to kill him and her two sons with his cash. And he said he would wait for her to serve her 6 years because he loved her and believed she loved him. He didn't believe she would do it. The evidence involved the hit man saying how he was going to do it and how he had been paid. Still he didn't believe she would do it. She had told him that she loved him. This guy built wealth of 27 million and was surrounded by family but believed someone who hired a hit man to kill him really loved him. That's where people can end up. Google lying eyes Ennis. This 'idiot' ran a multi million business empire.

I suppose you also think that women who suffer domestic violence are idiots too, eh? Because DV is also a romance scam. The perpetrator love bombs the victim and convinces them that they are a solid couple. You only find out later down the line that they weren't who they say they were. Chances are that there is someone in your life who is like that, whether it is at work or church or at the gym or even a family member. These scammers are everywhere and they don't only take money - they take your time, your trust, your desire to help, your care.

On many of the Love Rat episodes I have watched the scammers make the women believe that they are just helping out a loved one who has been bereaved or had a terrible accident or whatever. You're supposed to help your partner aren't you? So no, I do not think that they are idiots. In fact, if anyone is an idiot...well, I won't go there because I don't want to be reported.

Many of them may be foolish or naive but does that deserve to be punished by having their lives ruined? Others are just vulnerable or the scammers are sometimes very clever at what they do. I don’t think victim blaming is very helpful.

Many of those women are very lonely and also feel the stigma society puts on them for being alone and they are often not supported by other women,It is so ironic as there are so many unhappy marriages but peoplestay glued to each other because they are afraid of being alone and capitalism rewards couples.Though its all going to hell in a handcart despite the tedious wedding industry.t is all a horrible farce and any society that makes people feel so crap because they are alone is actually wicked.
Women living alone get most neighbour harassment because one is still respected more with a man around. It is ridiculous.In 2025.
Many mumsnetters think that women of 65 are dead.So ageist and so unsupportive of older women except as nans, or knowing their allotted role blah blah.Yes some younger guys will take the piss and scam but sometimes amazingly a handsome unusual man might fall in love with a strong older woman if hes had his kids and guess what he might actually want to be with her.
Some of you guys ask mental questions like what should a 50 year old nan wear? Jeez.what she wants to.50!!!!ffs.Take a look at yourselves.You are so narrow.You are condemning your future selves
But back to scammers, have some humanity.

Ok, I'll admit that in my case I couldn't fall for it even if I wanted to because I'm too poor super careful about money and I'm more than happy being single.
I'm also sceptical of gofundme stuff, dedicating funds to strangers, so I think it's a mindset.
I do lend money to friends and family (very much frowned upon on MN) because I know their specific situation and I trust them with my life.

It's clearly not subscribing to a "be kind" philosophy and it's perhaps a bit provocative, but it's not aimed at any specific person. Surely there's no need to report like you're telling tales to the teacher.

On the subject of the thread, I wouldn't want to say it could never happen, but I think if you're 50 and suddenly a 25-year-old from Marrakech who you've never met is professing his eternal love you'd be wise to be sniffing out a rat.

Most of us wouldn't be vulnerable to a romance scam and could see what to us is an obvious scam, but that doesn't mean we wouldn't be vulnerable to another type of scam, which other people might see as an obvious scam and we just didn't see it.
But where it is pure greed that triggers the scam then it's hard to be sympathetic.

Keeping in mind that a lot of scam callers have been trafficked and forced against their will.

It is big business for western callers.

Dsis an accountant who believed that she would never get scammed had a very close call in work, the bank security/scammer had her convinced until the last moment, he had a lot of specific information about a recent hack, thankfully she realised near the end before entering any digits.

So many men fall for this (usually Thailand trippers ) I've seen some intelligent businessmen go down that route. As you say - the women are just playing the long game. Until the British passport arrives and the man either kicks the bucket or they divorce them (once they've counted assets ) and take most of everything.

I think they are honest people, that is all. Harsh, nasty people will never be scammed. The ones who get scammed, believe people - how are they supposed to know that very often people are disingenuous. For example, on MN we often hear this advice 'dump him/her, you deserve better', when the chances of 'getting someone better' are next to zero. We are for ever told 'we deserve better' by product pushers, all the time. No wonder that conditioned by this, people think 'yes, why wouldn't this person find me desirable'? I have a good non-English (not Muslim, not Jewish, btw) friend, in her culture they use a matchmaker to help with marriage. It is brutal - 'what do you have? how is your health? how much do you earn?' - basically what do you have to offer to the other party?' As a result, n her country there are practically no scams like that - people brutally assess themselves and their chances. However, unfortunately other types of crime feature a lot, so it is not an ideal society, only it is very realistic in terms of self-assessment, so no minimum wage earner is venturing into the well-off person dating pool, unless, obviously, they have other things to offer (outstanding appearance, on the cusp of a great career, youth, etc.) It seems very transactional, but it safeguards people.

I am inundated with friend requests from handsome American widowers on Facebook - now im not that bad for 63 and work in a fun industry but am under no illusions any are genuine- click on their friends if they have many and it’s all middle aged women . How they choose who to pick on god only knows!!!

Well done for not falling for it what people don't understand is these people are cleaver and have no morals

Why do you think you’re the first person to discover this? Saying “Romance scamming is a big industry and I am drawing attention to it” - who do you think didn’t know? You don’t deserve a prize!

If you were that bloody clever you would have known not to chat chat with him in the first place.

But even if they are of very low intelligence, and not even circumstantially vulnerable, suffering from dementia etc. - how can anybody blame or jeer at them for it? You may as well jeer at somebody for not having grown to be very tall, or for having been born with a cleft lip, or for being allergic to cats. The OP makes as much sense as asking "AIBU that some people are white?". Yes; and what of it?

I like to think that I'm reasonably intelligent; but it's all relative. There are absolute boffins out there who would probably assume that everybody with the tiniest modicum of common sense would understand the principles of quantum physics, or the nuances of ancient Latin grammar, or even 'just' something like algebraic equations or setting up a simple website (coding it yourself from scratch, of course). To these people, I - and most people on MN - would probably seem like a complete idiot.

Personally, I would be glad that I do have quite a decent degree of intelligence, rather than just looking to put down those who were not as fortunate in the brightness stakes in order to feel superior.

I'm still watching the video but the first two women are fairly attractive Brits who met their scammers through work and had two-year relationships before getting married.

That's not the same as falling for a holiday gigolo or an online fraud. It's essentially the story of hundreds of women on here, who find out their husbands are not what they claimed to be. Anyone can fall for a determined faker.

With the all-too-common online and holiday scammers, I do find myself asking the screen "But why didn't s/he wonder this or check on that?" Some of the victims are just incredibly naïve, some are tragically lonely or not very bright. It is really sad.

There is no comparison to the decisions women make when there is a real, violent man who can actually hurt or kill them compared to a photo on a computer screen from a “man” you have never met.

And you are guaranteed not to have cognitive decline, right? So it will never happen to you, right?

A male friend of mine fell for a romance scammer. He is a bit vulnerable but definitely not stupid (he has a degree and is a teacher). I could see that it was a scam a mile off, but he couldn't.

The scammers know exactly how to choose and manipulate their victims.

Well done not being conned. I feel sorry for those who are