To think that women who fall for romance scammers are idiots?

[YourAmplePlumPoster]

Are women who fall for romance scammers idiots?

Romance scammers work slowly and methodically

I've been so lonely, I could definitely understand how someone could fall for one 🥺

I think some scammers are very sophisticated and manipulative - AI makes it so easy too!
The person being scammed is normally vulnerable in someway or not tech savvy ..

I’ve watched some amazing things on social media and my 14 year old has said ‘you do realise that’s AI right?!’

I don't think they are idiots I think they are probably just lonely, vulnerable and missing strong, trusting relationships in other areas of their life.

Someone who is busy and sees and hears from loved ones a lot, probably isn't going back to that dodgy DM on Instagram or out of the blue email (if they even see it) and if they did, they'd mention it to someone they trust who would warn them off it.

The women who get caught up in these situations have likely had noone make them feel special or important and someone comes along who does. I suspect some of them know in their heart of hearts what's happening but decide it's a small price to pay to feel loved and special.

That's interesting you think you might be vulnerable to this. Do you think you could ever get to the stage of giving money to a man you barely know or have never met?

I think there is a distinction to be drawn between people who send money to people they have never actually met in person, and people who are defrauded after they've been in what is apparently a normal face-to-face relationship including sex, for several months or more. Many people wouldn't think twice about 'lending' relatively small amounts of money to their 'partner' and it could easily escalate without there being a lightbulb moment.

I think romance scammers contact lots of people. The savvy are on to them straight away and block, gradually others will see red flags and move on. The few left are to the stammer, ripe for the picking.

They are fairly easy to spot. Big tales, lots of money, overdose of love bombing. Perhaps some miss these obvious signs and look at the hood looking picture, or the money or lifestyle and ignore any suspicious thoughts.

Any number of reasons. Maybe they get loans out to fund it.

Yes, as I have said, from my work in this area, many of the victims are vulnerable in some way. Im not sure why you think it's unsympathetic for me to state facts. The national fraud investigation centre has a whole department dedicated to supporting vulnerable vicims of fraud - from elderly people being defrauded of their life savings (is that their fault too?) to victims of romance fraud.

My grandmother has us, her grandchildren, and her son and daughter in law who see her regularly. Yet she was grumbling and telling Dermot Murnaghan online how her son, my dad, hasn't got time to do DIY jobs for her because he's too busy with work and "Dermot" was giving her advice. She can afford to get tradespeople in, too, but wanted to feel waited on. My grandad waited on her hand and foot. I feel cross she discussed family with a scammer. She even asked my father to take a birthday present to the evri counter that she'd bought for "Dermot".

So many of these online romance scammers don't just go 'hello, I'm Keanu Reeves but I need some money' - they don't hit their mark for money right away. They build a sense of trust and dependency. They play the long long game, so the person feels that they 'know' who they are talking to, it's just a matter of geography that keeps them apart. They think they see photos, maybe even videos of this lovely man or woman, they really believe that they know them. The scammers encourage lots of emotional and confessional talk which breeds a false sense of intimacy and the mark thinks that the person they are talking to truly understands them.

So many people seem to think that romance scams are straight in with demands for money, but they can be a very long way from that. And if you are very very lonely and isolated and this is the only person who talks to you and seems to understand you... the fact you've never met them is WAY down the list of reasons not to send them a few quid here and there to help them out of a tricky situation.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat Yep! She fell for it because she does a lot of puzzles and quizzes and watches shows like that. This Dermot impersonator found her on one of those platforms and told her he knew Judith from Eggheads well and still went for a drink with Jeremy Vine so she believed it.

They also use techniques such as silent treatment to make the target desperate to please them to get the love bombing back.
This is an extremely effective mind control technique used by abusers.

I can’t remember where I saw this recently but there was a fraud expert saying that the scammers say there are two types of people, those you can scam once and those you can scam multiple times.

He was saying:

type1: get scammed, cut contact

type 2: get scammed and get angry, go and demand their money back, (let’s say £50k) the scammer then says ‘of course, I will transfer your £80k back to you right now immediately’ and the person says ‘wait? £80k?’

The scammer says ‘yes, your money has grown by £30k, it’s now worth £80k , give me your bank account details right now and I will transfer it all to you’

And the person lights up and says ‘wait, it’s worth £80k already?? Don’t do anything yet, wait let me think about it’

and then they get scammed a second time.

For those doubting vulnerability, this is what Google AI has returned:

While there isn't a precise number, many romance fraud victims are considered vulnerable due to factors like age, loneliness, or emotional vulnerability. Over half of online daters are considered vulnerable to romance scams. Romance fraud often targets individuals who are lonely, widowed, or recently bereaved, further increasing their vulnerability.

Vulnerability Factors:
Age:
While romance fraud can affect anyone, some research suggests that middle-aged individuals may be more vulnerable.

Loneliness and Isolation:
People feeling lonely or isolated may be more susceptible to online connections and the promises of romance fraud.

Emotional Vulnerability:
Recent breakups, bereavement, or depression can make individuals more susceptible to manipulation.

Trust:
Many victims are drawn in by the seemingly genuine nature of the relationship and the lack of any red flags in the initial stages. This is what @Vroomfondleswaistcoat describes above.

Financial Strain:
Some victims may be pressured to give money to cover debts or emergencies that the scammer fabricates.

Lack of Awareness:
Many people are unaware of the risks of romance scams and the tactics that scammers use. Again, this is as @Vroomfondleswaistcoat describes.

Finally:

While specific data on learning difficulties and romance fraud is lacking, the strong correlation between mental health problems and scam victimization suggests that individuals with learning difficulties may also be at higher risk due to cognitive and decision-making challenges.

No but only because I'm stingy and grew up poor

If I had the life where I could say 'it's only money', i could definitely understand someone being less guarded

I don’t know anyone like that. The wealthy people I know are even more mindful than the people with less money!! No way would they give it away.

I think you’re using vulnerability to mean ‘defenceless’.

Of course people are vulnerable. We’re all vulnerable to frauds of one sort or another. A very clever fraud can take in anyone.

The point about online romance scams is that they’re very obvious. A moment’s thought would stop them in their tracks. (As has been said several times already, being ‘conned’ by a man (or woman) in a real-world relationship is completely different. It’s not comparable.)

What I’m saying is that most victims (not all - a few will have learning disabilities) do not give that moment’s thought: they wilfully close their minds to reality.

You didn’t answer about the online frauds who dangle millions in front of people. What about their victims? Do you believe they’re “vulnerable”?

Scammers are usually quite clever and with an answer for every doubt.

I can see how people get sucked in and psychological denial and cognitive dissonance can be really powerful.

I think it's a bit more complex than all the victims being idiots.

No, vulnerable and defenceless are not the same and that's not what I mean at all. It's all there in my post which you've quoted if you bother to read it. Fraudsters are very good at what they do, and target their methods accordingly to those whose defenses are down, much like grooming in fact.

The reason I didn't respond to your wild African Prince example is because the thread is about romance fraud, not a random phishing email.

Fair enough. But I don’t think you’ve really understood.

I never lend or borrow money from anyone, even in real life.

Any man however gorgeous or charming would instantly become unattractive if he asked me for money.

It would be the last conversation we ever had, even if I had met him in person and liked him a lot.

This ^

Actually I don’t think all are vulnerable in the way we think of as vulnerable - having watched some of those things in Turkey with late middle-aged women ( same goes for blokes and exotic young women by the way) I think a certain percentage actually have lost the ability to care if someone is scamming them - they simply like the drama and the ego boost probably in pretty boring lives. My only issue is I certainly don’t think banks should be funding back as if it’s a fraud unlike say a company once having your card details for what seems a legitimate retail purchase and then processing to try multiple debits out your card the next days - with the romance scans many know perfectly well what they are doing.

If you are a kind and decent woman who has built a life for herself why would you not think yourself desirable and worthy of love? It's pure misfortune if you are targeted by a man who wants to scam you rather than have a relationship with you.

Huge difference between thinking yourself worthy of love and believing that Brad Pitt (who you've never actually met) wants to marry you. It is a disconnect with reality and while I know some scams (especially the financial ones) are very plausible and that many are vulnerable, there are instances of women who seem to be able to hold down jobs while corresponding with Brad/Keanu/Johnny. I cannot comprehend the mindset and degree of self delusion

True!