Accused of racism by client

[stample]

I work and deal with clients daily, I spoke to a regular client being polite and civil, and they too were civil back only to get home and email my manager saying I had implied a racist remark towards them. My manager knows this was not the case and responded back. For reference I am white with black children and the client was black (they wouldn’t know anything about my personal life)
AIBU to mention this when I next see them, obviously apologise if they thought what I said was racist and then to say my family are black…

A male doesn't choose to have female children. A racist is not going to seek out a black male to have sex with and choose to have mixed black children with if they are racist.

Racism is now everything certain people are saying it is (Which encompasses a very extensive range of non malicious words and behaviours) hence white people pretzel themselves trying to not offend that they either dare say nothing at all or they make some clumsy compliment about 'i like your braids' and then are accused of "othering". They "copy" the style and are accused of "appropriation". Sounds like enjoyment of holding the brandishing stick to me. Aka bullying.

You've made a lot of assumptions. None of which are my opinions.

You will continue to accuse me of abhorrent things and insist on blanket labels for me. You will continue using polarised extreme viewpoints (hence bringing riots into this) therefore I do not believe you are willing to have a balanced discussion. I'll not be responding to you further.

I read it as though the client was not the person being discussed, I.e. a parent or another professional. I could be mistaken

How do you think house slaves and light skinned slaves came about in the US and Caribbean? The white masters sometimes had a preference for and sought out black slaves sexually- this preference didn’t make them any less racist. Obviously that is an extreme example to show the absurdity of your statement.

I have had to unlearn internalised racism for myself - even being a certain race doesn’t protect you from being racist against your own race.

And yet you invalidate the OP’s feelings of sorrow by saying it’s a cop out.

Spare us your interpretation of whatever ted talk, self help book or HR workshop that you got this nonsense from.

I can remember a vile racist 'joke' about watermelon from the 60s, I think. I'm not American but grew up in a foreign country which had an Anglo-American community. Some teenage boys from a southern US state, Georgia, I think, told it to me.
It is crude and nasty and I have no intention of repeating it. (It would be deleted instantly and I could be banned too.)

That's what I was thinking, the OP is someone's carer and she gave that person's parent/guardian/whoever a report of what they had eaten, which apparently included watermelon.

You don't need to say anything to the client. I don't understand why they ate watermelon then denied it and branded you racist?

Presumably part of your job is to document or observe their eating and drinking habits. So of course you don't need to explain yourself for stating they ate something which they did indeed eat. Unless you just saw the rinds in the bin and assumed it was them but it was a guest? Even so that's hardly racist!

Either way you've nothing to apologise for. And you don't need to mention the racial background of your children.

People are bonkers OP! and when you work in the public you find that out more and more.

I worked for 25 years in public facing roles 40-50 people each day. I remember I was about 25 and I worked for a massive bank and was a cashier. A young woman came in with carrier bags full of 1,2 and 5p coins and I was lovely asking how she was etc and smiling building rapour etc then she plonked 2 big careers bags full of coins in my till and I knew they would be full of 1,2 and 5ps that she’d be wanting cashed in… but we weren’t allowed to take coins like that, they had to be bagged up or it would take up half an hour to counts £30 and there were only 2 tills so not fair on other customers. Not my personal choices.

So I clocked the bags and before she poured them down my drawer I said ‘oh I’m really sorry but not we’re not allowed to take coins in unless they’re bagged up’ and she said ‘no probs I’ll do it now’ and we had a little laugh etc and I handed her 100 bags and off she went saying thanks and bye and I was like bye with a I’m sorry face 🥴 I can’t help…

Then at the end of the day my manager asked for a word and said someone had complained and I asked who and he said about some coins and I was stunned! She’d gone to him and said she’s felt embarrassed and didn’t know and complained about me. I was dumbfounded as we were chatting and having a giggle and I told my manager that. He said it’s ok ‘whatever my username is as I can’t remember’ I told her your one of the nicest people that work here (and I was nearly crying saying thank you thank you to him)

Never heard another thing of it but 20+ years on and this post reminds me! Some people are fucking weird and will use whatever at their disposal to complain etc… don’t let it bother you OP! People are nuts!

So nobody misinterprets another’s words ever?

The double standards on here aren't surprising. There have recently been two threads where sexist, albeit complimentary remarks have been made by male colleagues to their female colleague, and most responses are outraged advising the OP to report to HR. Yet, as always racist remarks are usually downplayed, and often dismissed.

How is it a double standard when there wasn't a racist remark? She literally just stated what someone ate, which is part of her job role.
If someone came online saying "my boss was sexist, he said I have a car" noone would be saying "report it, that's outrageous", as its not actually sexist.

I'm actually talking about the general comments on this thread. Can you not see it?

It wasn't actually racist though. The male colleagues (on threads I haven't read TBH) actually made those comments directed at womens appearance. The OP was literally just talking about a food item. If sbe'd seen them eating a strawberry, she'd have said strawberry or whatever.

Personally, I don't think Watermelon having racist connotations in the US is very well known in the UK, well not in my neck of the woods. I've never come across it before and several posters were scratching their heads.

I posted without seeing the poster's response:

I'm actually talking about the general comments on this thread. Can you not see it?

No it is not clear that is what you meant.

The comments are discussing this situation where there wasn't a racist comment, and you're comparing it to a thread where there was a sexist comment. I don't see how you think that's a double standard?

It wasn't a slur,it was a term of endearment that's common in some areas.

Yes, obviously. But 'cheeky monkey' isn't a slur.

I get your point though...thing are open to interpretation and can be misconstrued. It just feels a bit much.

Toju Okorodudu used to do a great hidden camera comedy sketch in character as 'Militant Black Guy' (basically dressed like a Black Panther), where he'd get white people to say words/phrases that sounded vaguely racist then launch into a massive tirade against them. Gives me that vibe.

That's a very strange comparison. My partner is a different race than I am. Do you really think he'd have become involved with me if he thought I was some kind of racist? And wouldn't someone's spouse know them better than some random internet person or a stranger?

Sure there will be exceptions, but in general a person being in a long term consensual marriage is a good sign they are not bigoted toward that group in some significant way, or the marriage wouldn't be viable. It's a lot more revealing than some sort of claim about microagressions.

How was it a racist remark to say the person ate watermelon if they did? Should op have omitted that information? What if that person has issues around food and this was a step of progress in trying new foods?

I applaud your patience. Anyone who thinks white people who date black men aren’t racist is unbelievably slow and I wouldn’t even engage them in debate .

I mean of course white men and women with mixed race kids can be racist? If anything I’ve seen it more often with them as far as white women with black men go,
although your historical example about male slavers procreating with black enslaved women was on point.

One of many examples I have was a childhood friend who told me she doesn’t like black women, and said various derogatory things against black men. She said this while having two mixed race girls with a Nigerian ex
husband. Don’t get me wrong her ex happened to be vile but she didn't have to bring race into it.

It was a toxic relationship but there was still no excuse for racism and she would also encourage people to say racist things about him rather than just focusing on his deplorable behaviour.

Her (white) best friend who was engaged to his friend - a Nigerian man too- ended the friendship at one point because she was disgusted with the way she treated the locals when they both visited Lagos with their partners. She treated them all as if they were beneath her apparently which sounds about right considering what I’ve heard her say.

I remember even in school despite fetishizing black men and being obsessed with Black American female music artists she would also blame Black and Mixed race people in our town for receiving racial harassment and say they must have provoked it blah blah. And if they don’t like it they can leave etc.

I grew up with her so tried to give her some grace but eventually cut her off for good in my 20s after her comments on Black women. That was obviously just the final straw but it was everything.

Women who love Black pop culture & fashion and are sexually attracted to black men don’t necessarily love and respect Black people and that unfortunately extends to their own children.

I have encountered a number of mixed race people irl and online who are literally traumatised from the racist things their (white) mum and maternal relatives have said in front of or to them and unfortunately in many cases they didn’t have much or any contact with their Black family so they were very isolated.

I cut off one friend because she let her adult brother call her two mixed race children black b#%*$|!

And he didn’t even say this when angry! He would just be like “hey wake up you wee black b” and she would just roll her eyes and laugh awkwardly instead of challenging her brother to defend her kids in her own home - disgusting.

Also had an Asian friend who had a racist white boyfriend who called her the P word but I have seen this less with men who date interacially strangely enough.

I know two brothers through the industry I work in, white, both in long-term relationships with black women, both have multiple mixed-race children.

They are exceptionally racist, even around their partners. On the very rare occasion I've seen them pulled up on it, they point to their parents being black as some kind of 'get out of jail free' card.

I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. It's a waste of time, people are happy being ignorant - and racist!

Next time ask her what she likes to eat rather than watch her eat and write it down. Some people don't like that they want to be treated like a person regardless of how old they are or their disability.

I worked in care and a 92 year old resident was treated like a two year by the care worker. It was assisted living the residents can move around as they please. Going forward every time I did her bedtime I gave her a nice sandwich and she appreciated it and went to bed happy.

Next time ask her what she likes to eat rather than watch her eat and write it down. Some people don't like that they want to be treated like a person regardless of how old they are or their disability.

How is this relevant? The client ate watermelon. OP fed back about them eating watermelon. The client later suggested that this was racist.

She said the client didn't like watermelon. Did the op ask what she liked. It's basic caring skills. I have 4 children their taste buds changed over the years I still ask them what they like or don't like to eat. When you are caring for someone else treat them how you would treat your own family.