Accused of racism by client

[stample]

I work and deal with clients daily, I spoke to a regular client being polite and civil, and they too were civil back only to get home and email my manager saying I had implied a racist remark towards them. My manager knows this was not the case and responded back. For reference I am white with black children and the client was black (they wouldn’t know anything about my personal life)
AIBU to mention this when I next see them, obviously apologise if they thought what I said was racist and then to say my family are black…

Had the person actually eaten watermelon?

And is the client the person you said had eaten watermelon, or were you talking about someone they have responsibility for, eg a child?

@stample

"general feedback about eating habits and mentioned they had eaten watermelon"

so, it was your client who mentioned to you having watermelon in their eating habits?

Thank you, I had no idea what was going on.

Are you saying you think people with black children can't be racist?

If so, that's utterly bizarre.

Anyone can be racist, obviously.

Obviously this isn't anything to do with the merits of the complaint, but the watermelon thing may have originated in the US but it's fairly well known in the UK. See, for example, Boris Johnson's prior comments and the resulting controversy.

I'd have potentially apologized for any misunderstanding, but this is a ridiculous complaint to make.

Maybe ask your manager if they think it's worth mentioning, but personally I'd just avoid bringing it up. If this person is looking for excuses to make complaints/cause issues, it may end up being more trouble than it's worth.

If you do end up speaking to them about it, make sure you have your manager or another third party there as a witness.

I was genuinely shocked the first time a nursery worker called my son a cheeky monkey and was going to make a complaining until my husband convinced me not to.

What I hadn’t realised was that cheeky monkey is commonly used in the south east of England as a term of endearment and that’s how you were using it. However, please know that for many black people in the UK, they will have grown up being called monkey as an insult and might not be aware that it’s also used as a term of endearment in some parts of the country. So she might have heard what you said and assumed you were being racist towards her/ her child because her only prior experience of the term monkey being used is in its use as a racist insult towards her/ her child.

Yes this exactly, no idea if you were racist or not but do not say 'well I have black children' it's totally irrelevant

No I just entered a disagreement which I don’t actually have the passion for so just thought it would be easier to wrap it up. I think the op is genuine and I can see why she felt the need to mention her children.

So she might have heard what you said and assumed you were being racist towards her/ her child because her only prior experience of the term monkey being used is in its use as a racist insult towards her/ her child.

Surely a bit of common sense could be applied here though. Why would a nursery worker be slinging racial slurs at a small child? 😅

You're lucky. Imagine how pissed off people feel who actually get called that (literally being compared to a monkey because they are thought to be inferior due to their race). This term has still been used recently so you live a very sheltered life if you didn't know that, although I appreciate you didn't mean it in that manner. Let that sit with you for a bit.

I absolutely believe you meant no harm.
Could it be perhaps you are a little tactless, or clumsy with words?

I do find it slightly disturbing that you refer to your children as "black", when they are in fact "mixed." It's important to make them feel connected to both sides of their heritage, and not categorised by which parent they most resemble.

I grew up being spat on while being called the n word as the teacher/ supervisor looked on, I’ve had teachers turn a blind eye to explicit racism directed at me in the playground. So a nursery worker slinging racial slurs at my child might shock me but honestly wouldnt surprise me.

A bit of common sense would say not to use slurs at all?

Let that sit with you for a bit

Do people really think that speaking to others like this is going to persuade or convince them of anything?

Unfortunately, this kind of bullying is why people start voting reform etc.

There's a lot of mistruths that are now new 'facts' that get spouted and repeated on here time and time again:

• "you absolutely can be racist if you have black kids" FFS - if you've procreated with a black person , you're hardly a racist. If you're flesh and blood that you are a mother to are half black, you're hardly "phobic" of black people.

• 'micro aggressions' (they don't exist, but we now fully are told they do and it's repeated as fact) misplaced ignorance such as hair touching , is not racist. It's a stick to beat people with.

• "black people can't be racist towards white people" That's a lie. Another one out the robotic "repeat" loop. It's damaging and divisional.

I'm not going to preface my comments with virtue signalling fluff to prove myself.

This isn't racist. It's common sense. Love thy neighbour. Simple as that. Respect each other end show humanness. Has to work all ways.

Good point. Given she was pissed off, and still relays it as though she was the victim. Should not have wasted my time 🫠

I’d stand firm and say it was a simple food discussion

Ahhh this is a hard one - do we just ban watermelons so that people don’t get offended? Or triggered?

I don’t know - it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong - but I do know people who could be triggered because of history or something that they’ve heard.

What? Literally don’t touch my hair then. You say it’s not a microagression but misplaced ignorance - whatever it is, if it’s directed at a certain race then stop doing it.

Sounds like you just don’t like to be called out on your racism. And some of what you say makes no sense- if white women with mixed race children can’t be racist, do you also think that men with female children can’t be sexist?

Bingo! "Racist" - calling me a racist is NOT ok.

But they literally were wrong, she reported what a client ate. There is no way of her correctly doing her job without saying that, and it's not something most (or anyone?) Would be able to predict would be assumed to be racist.
It's equivilent to someone saying "the client ate bread today" and being accused of homophobia.

This is a tricky one. People say that the phrase nitty-gritty is racist because it refers to the detritus, including bodies, that was washed out from the holds of slave ships. But it doesn't. The phrase didn't appear until the 1940s, so it has nothing to do with slavery. But should we stop using it so it doesn't offend people that think it is?

Ahhh this is a hard one - do we just ban watermelons so that people don’t get offended? Or triggered
Didn't take long for that. Yes, let's ban watermelons that was the point 😑

You’re defending voting the same party that helped stoke riots against people like me last summer which meant the last couple weeks of my kids’ summer holidays was spent indoors with them asking me why we weren’t going to the beach as planned, why we couldn’t go into town etc. Obviously I didn’t tell them that grown adults were protesting their existence in this country and directing violence to people like us so the lovely day trip might not be quite so lovely after all).

Your posts say a lot about your attitudes towards race and racism. The riots said a lot about British attitudes to race and racism. But you’d rather dismiss honest discussions about race and racism as “bullying”