To not want to go to my brothers party?

[Cheekandtongue]

My brother is having a 30th birthday party next weekend. I live in greater manchester and the party is an hour away because that’s where he lives. I said at first that I would go even though I felt uneasy about it inside. Now that it’s getting closer to the date I really want to say I can’t make it. I have two cats and I don’t want to leave them alone, I don’t have anyone at all who can look after them and it means I would have to get a taxi there and back, which I can’t afford. Or drive there, stay with my parents or brother, and drive back the day after. But I can’t leave my cats that long, I don’t want to leave them over night. I feel anxious about telling him because it sounds like a pathetic reason but I’m not going to enjoy the evening because I’m going to be worrying all night. Please tell me if it would make me unreasonable to not go?

You should go to the party.
Your cats deserve a confident owner who allows them adventures and brings them back stories of parties.

Go to a pet shop and buy an automatic/timed feeder.
We leave our cat for a week inside with access to just some rooms and the timed feeder along with two large water sources and two kitty litter trays. Every second day someone checks on our cat and sees that she is fine.
Leave the radio on too, for company for the cat.

So, feed and play with cats, set up the auto feeder, dress for party and drive off. Stay over night and drive back at a time that best suits for traffic.
You will find that the cats will be well fed and happy to see you arrive home. Bring cats a piece of birthday sausage or something from the BBQ.

Your brother's thirtieth birthday is a waste of petrol?

Just say you don't like him and can't be bothered, don't pretend it's about cats.

One other option is to purchase two cat carry cases and allow them to travel with you in the car.

Let cats stay in a large portable cage together at your parents' home while party is on. (Large cages can be bought flat pack and built soto house cats and kitty litter tray and food etc.) You could leave the cat cage at your parents' for other times you visit.

Repackage the cats into their carry cases before the drive home..

Of course you can leave cats overnight! They are independent beings even if they bond with us. We have always left ours longer than that but they have come and gone as they pleased through the cat flap and always have kibble and water available. We also have cheap cameras so we can check on them wherever we are. We do have a neighbour popping in to see our current cat as she demands to be brushed every day!

Even if they are house cats they will be fine with a clean litter tray and a food dispenser. You can get ones that keep wet food cold for a couple of days if they won’t eat kibble. If you really are worried, surely you can ask or pay someone to call in and check on them?

This is not about your cats. But your anxiety.

Uh, isn't that exactly the point she's making? Cats aren't dogs. They can be left longer without this level of angst.

Op
I hate parties too, and I also have cats that I hate to leave.

I think some viable options may be:

• Drive, but set a time limit on when you can leave.
• Explain to your brother that you really hate parties but ask if you can take him out for lunch, or perhaps DO something else with him
• Would you feel more comfortable if you went early to help set up, then stayed / visited for a bit and then left?

Either way, this is a long term issue which needs some strategies. Talk to your brother if you can so he understands. You will need to find solutions for your cats ( ie find a cat service who will visit your cats). Get additional practice in driving at night.

He's your brother. I think you have to put yourself out for his special birthday. Drive over and drive home after a couple of hours. Cats won't even notice you are gone. If it was dogs, well that would be different.

Not all cats can

I would have thought leaving a healthy cat at home for a night is a better idea. If it has plenty of food and water it should be fine and will be in its home environment.

If it gets out somewhere unfamiliar it might get lost, or find all the unknown people really stressful. I think that option would be more about the OP than the cat's welfare.

You can leave cats overnight. I've had cats practically my whole life and they're fine for 24 hours. We would leave ours in (she doesn't have a flap anyway) with loads of food, water and her litter tray. So that excuse doesn't wash.
Staying at your parents sounds like a great idea, you could leave early if needed and go back to theirs. I remember a milestone birthday of a good friend of mine, one of her siblings didn't come (they are close) and it really upset her. Probably a similar type of 'vibe', but that really isn't an excuse when it's a close relative, sometimes we have to go outside our comfort zone even with anxiety or anxiety will always win.

Please don't do this, a terrible idea, cats love their home environment and get very stressed with travel unless they're used to it (some are I suppose). I doubt these ones are.

You don’t have to have an excuse not to attend. My BIL did not come to my 50th birthday party as he would not know anyone and he knew he would not enjoy it. Fine by me, we saw him another time.

Actually I don’t think my brother even invited me to his 40th birthday party 🤣. We get on fine, live 3 hours away from one another. Not a problem.