To not want to go to my brothers party?

[Cheekandtongue]

My brother is having a 30th birthday party next weekend. I live in greater manchester and the party is an hour away because that’s where he lives. I said at first that I would go even though I felt uneasy about it inside. Now that it’s getting closer to the date I really want to say I can’t make it. I have two cats and I don’t want to leave them alone, I don’t have anyone at all who can look after them and it means I would have to get a taxi there and back, which I can’t afford. Or drive there, stay with my parents or brother, and drive back the day after. But I can’t leave my cats that long, I don’t want to leave them over night. I feel anxious about telling him because it sounds like a pathetic reason but I’m not going to enjoy the evening because I’m going to be worrying all night. Please tell me if it would make me unreasonable to not go?

I’d feed my cats before leaving in the late afternoon. They’ll be fine overnight.

You can do this OP. Cats will be fine over night or you can drive an hour each way. That's not a huge distance and you can do most of it while it's light. Mine are fine for the occasional night, I just leave extra food. You can get a cat sitter though. I'm sure you'll be really proud of yourself if if you do make it happen.

You are being ridiculous. Why can't your cats be left. If you don't want to go fair enough but don't use your cats as an excuse.

You don't really want to go, clearly. None of the reasons you're giving are in anyway valid compared to a 30th birthday. Are you close to/do you like your brother?

Don’t blame the cats. It’s clearly not about the cats.

Sorry but u have an excuse for everything. U don’t want to go. And that’s fine. Just say that and be done.

I’d crack on and do what you like, just don’t expect a relationship with your brother after it. I’d be so hurt if you gave cats and patrol as an excuse.

Just go it's like your making up every excuse not to and they arent good ones either. He's asked you to go and you are thinking of any reason not to just make the effort its a few hours

If you are too anxious to drive then you can say so, but don’t say it’s not worth driving to your brother’s party!

Your cats will be fine. You are just making up excuses to not attend. Do you like your family? Are you close? Can you tell a family member about your anxiety so that person can support you? I think you should go because it would be a shame if you let your anxiety win.

A “waste of petrol” - jeez you don’t like your brother much do you.

It’s a ridiculous excuse - we have cats and when we go away a friend pops into feed them and they are absolutely fine. They can survive for a day / night on their own. You obviously just don’t want to go .

A waste of petrol? To go to your brother's party...nice. 🙄

We bought an automatic cat feeder and have left our cat overnight before, we fed it before we left at 4pm and the feeder fed it at midnight and then again at 7am and we wer home at lunch time. She was perfectly fine and probably didn’t give a shit we weren’t there,

I wouldn’t miss an important family event.

If you were my sibling and said you couldn’t come because it would be a waste of petrol or that you couldn’t leave your cats, I would never bother with you again.

That. Not one of your excuses holds water when it comes to your sibling's big birthday.

If you really can't go then you need to be absolutely upfront with your mental health issues. They really are the only half way valid reasons not to attend.

But seriously, you need to push yourself on this one. If you can't get yourself to your own brothers 30th, you need to be seeing your GP, and fast.
But if you push yourself to do this trip, you'll achieve something, maintain your family relationships, and maybe end up with a bit more self-belief.

OP I am assuming you are in your 20s or 30s based on your brother's age. That is really very young to be limiting yourself with all these anxieties and excuses. If you don't like driving alone in the dark, what do you do in winter? If you can't leave your cats for one night that will make life pretty small. Use this important family event to push yourself a bit. It will help you get over some of your current limitations.

You'll feel better for going, you will!

Your cats will be fine, I leave mine overnight occasionally, just give them a load of food, they'll eat it all immediately and then fall into a coma for about 20 hours.

If you don’t go, pull a last minute sicky. Pesky norovirus. Don’t tell him it’s because you don’t want to leave your cats/don’t want to pay for a taxi/don’t want to drive in the dark.

@Cheekandtongue but it’s not a waste, it’s to see your brother and family on a special occasion and celebrate.
Your cats will be just fine. I’ve left my two several times overnight, I just make sure they have enough food and water and they get extra attention in the morning when I’m home 😀. Always been just fine.

If you don’t want to go just don’t go, there is no need to make up excuses.

I mean this kindly as I know you have anxiety. But not being able to leave your cats overnight to go to your brothers milestone birthday party is really insulting to him. The waste of petrol excuse is absolutely awful. Please please don’t use that as an excuse. It’ll be extremely hurtful to your brother and parents.
Your cats will be fine overnight, and if you’re too worried about that, hire a cat sitter for the night. Please try to go and celebrate your brother. It’ll mean a lot to him, and I expect it will really destroy your relationship with him if you don’t go.

Edited to add, you should seek help for your anxiety if it’s bad enough to stop you going to special events with close family. That’s extremely restrictive.

Feed the cats right before you go, and leave some food out. Stay with your parents, and drive home in the morning. The cats will be absolutely fine for one night. Do your parents know how much you are struggling with your anxiety? I'm sure they'd like to support you.

Don’t use the cats or petrol as an excuse not to go when speaking to your family because honestly the cats is a cop out and the petrol reason is hurtful.

If you really don’t want to go, explain that you’re feeling anxious around it and could you please arrange something else so you can catch up with them.

Family are important and especially so if you suffer with bad mental health. Don’t push people out or forget about them because one day you’ll need them.

This

They are cats. Lock them in with food, water and litter trays. That’s fine, it’s one night, that’s perfectly acceptable.

An hour is also not drastic. I drive that twice a month, over an hour out and same back to go to butcher and grocery shop I really like. DH drives nearly 2hrs each way for his favourite pie shop. Some people I know drive more than that each way daily to get to work.

It's only a "waste" of petrol if you're driving an hour to do something or see someone you don't want to.

If you don't want to go, you just say you can't make it and leave it at that. Don't justify it to yourself or anyone else with excuses that could easily be sorted - cats are independent enough that if you leave an auto feeder they won't even notice you're gone, and petrol will be cheaper than a taxi.

Don't go if you don't want to. But don't make up rubbish because that will offend people more.