To not want to go to my brothers party?

[Cheekandtongue]

My brother is having a 30th birthday party next weekend. I live in greater manchester and the party is an hour away because that’s where he lives. I said at first that I would go even though I felt uneasy about it inside. Now that it’s getting closer to the date I really want to say I can’t make it. I have two cats and I don’t want to leave them alone, I don’t have anyone at all who can look after them and it means I would have to get a taxi there and back, which I can’t afford. Or drive there, stay with my parents or brother, and drive back the day after. But I can’t leave my cats that long, I don’t want to leave them over night. I feel anxious about telling him because it sounds like a pathetic reason but I’m not going to enjoy the evening because I’m going to be worrying all night. Please tell me if it would make me unreasonable to not go?

Your cats can definitely be left alone.
And you’ll really look forward to seeing them when you get back. I

I mean cats isn’t a reason. If you don’t want to go don’t go but don’t use can’t leave my cats overnight as one. Nobody would believe it either.

And maybe don’t use the ‘waste of petrol’ excuse either.

If you really can’t leave the cats overnight (they will be fine, they are cats) then the answer is to go and drive back before it gets dark (which gives you the perfect excuse not to have to stay too long). I agree with others that you should push yourself a bit here.

Yes sorry brother you are not worth the petrol 😬

Whatever you decide, do not describe it as a 'waste of petrol' to your family. That's a horrible thing to say!

I think you need to contact your GP and request a counselling referral and maybe consider medication if you already don’t take anything.

This is your anxiety getting in the way. An hours’ drive is nothing, and in the summer you can easily leave at 830 and be home for 930 (beofr either gets dark) having spent 2-3hours there. The fact that this seems so daunting is what concerns me. I am wondering whether there will be non-family there (brother’s friends and work colleagues) that make this more anxiety inducing? If you have known anxiety, why not speak to your brother/family, explain you are going through a bad spell and maybe suggest coming during the day - you can see him/pass on a gift, help set up, make food etc and then head off as the party starts to warm up?

But I do think you should reach out to get some support via your GP.

Are you getting any support with your anxiety?

Might be something to look into if it’s preventing you from engaging in life events with family.

A “waste of petrol” to drive one hour there and back to celebrate your brother’s milestone birthday? If I were your parents or brother I’d be quite upset that’s your view.

You can leave your cats overnight. I'm assuming they have a litter tray?

Get a cat sitter

The occasions that seem most daunting for whatever reason often turn out to be the best fun.
How would you feel if your family would’nt drive an hour to see you? Leave a heap of food, a scattering of Dreamies and a litter tray. Your cats won’t miss you one bit! Use it as an opportunity to overcome your driving fears. One day you may have your drive in the dusk/dark in an emergency so get practice while you can. Go and have fun!

Even if you leave at 6 or 7pm it will still be light. Leave early next morning to get back. Cats will be fine!

Honestly I think it sounds like life is going to pass you by if you’re not careful.

you don’t want to leave your cats. Don’t want to drive at night etc.
it’s your brothers significant birthday I think you should
go.

Yabu and using the excuse of your cats not to go. I don't think it would be nice to not go to your siblings 30th when it's only an hour away.

I'm obsessed with cats and treat my cat like a king but it's fine to leave them overnight! You have two so they'll keep each other company. Leave lots of food and they'll be fine. You can't never go away because of pets. What a limited life.

This is a really good answer.

With relationships, you get out what you put in

I'd feel snubbed if a sibling didn't attend my 30th

I always left my cats overnight in this sort of situation, dry food down, cat tray clean, leave afternoon back next morning, they didn't seem to care. Anything up to 24 hours they were fine. They were indoor cats though so no danger of them getting into trouble outside. I would be really pissed off if my sibling didn't come to my party because of cats which basically sleep most of day.

It just sounds a bit like you just don't want to go.
cats?
petrol waste?
darkness?
🤔

YABU. A siblings birthday party is a pretty special event. I cam get anxious around socialising and often avoid parties but I would push through for this. It can't really be about the cats, cats will be perfectly fine alone for a night.

It's for your BROTHER. It's really not normal to prioritise cats over your actual sibling. You sound like a terrible and self-absorbed sister...you have one lame excuse after another to not attend your brother's 30th birthday.

If you were my sibling and said you couldn’t come because it would be a waste of petrol or that you couldn’t leave your cats, I would never bother with you again.

Sometimes you just have to push yourself a tiny bit, and this is one of those times.

You can definitely leave cats alone overnight. We do. They have plenty of food and water, but they rarely eat all the food. I think they sleep pretty much most of the time we’re away. They’re perfectly fine.

You do realise this is a normal commute for many people?

You are allowing your anxiety to hugely restrict your life. The cats will be asleep for 90% of the time you are away. If you even stay away.