To not want to go to my brothers party?

[Cheekandtongue]

My brother is having a 30th birthday party next weekend. I live in greater manchester and the party is an hour away because that’s where he lives. I said at first that I would go even though I felt uneasy about it inside. Now that it’s getting closer to the date I really want to say I can’t make it. I have two cats and I don’t want to leave them alone, I don’t have anyone at all who can look after them and it means I would have to get a taxi there and back, which I can’t afford. Or drive there, stay with my parents or brother, and drive back the day after. But I can’t leave my cats that long, I don’t want to leave them over night. I feel anxious about telling him because it sounds like a pathetic reason but I’m not going to enjoy the evening because I’m going to be worrying all night. Please tell me if it would make me unreasonable to not go?

It’s hardly far. I left home at 4am and drove 4hrs to Wales to see my friend for a few hours as she’d come over from Australia. I then drive back that night and got home around 1am the next morning. My cats hadn’t even noticed I’d gone. They had biscuits and ate when they wanted. They just missed their meat for one day

it is isn’t pathetic. It’s anxiety. Mental health problems aren’t pathetic

Are you always this unpleasant?

We used to leave our very loved cats for the whole weekend (Fri to Sunday). Just left plenty of food and water

I think you need to be honest with yourself. I see you are giving reasons why NOT to attend rather than the reverse. Take a moment to think how your brother would feel to see you, time with family is precious, I suspect if you go you will be dead chuffed with yourself….and so you should!

The cats believe me will be absolutely fine, please don’t use them as an excuse not to go.

A waste of petrol when it’s your brother’s 30th?

I would drive there for a few hours and then leave early explaining that you need to get back for your pets plus don’t like driving in the dark.

Did you mean to me quote me? Or are you saying that I’m unpleasant because I said you were unpleasant for calling someone unhinged and saying that everyone would better off if she didn’t go? Because that is unpleasant. It’s nasty, bitchy bullying of a vulnerable person. And you don’t like anyone calling you out.
So I’m now guessing the answer to my question is yes then. Thanks for clarifying

Are you always this unpleasant? I am guessing the answer is yes then. Thanks for clarifying.

If she’s taking the piss out of people with anxiety then that is pathetic. If this is a genuine post then she’s not pathetic. It isn’t pathetic to be unwell. My child couldn’t leave the house at one point to go for a very short walk let alone go to a party an hour away. She wasn’t being pathetic, she was highly distressed and she needed a lot of help.

You’re right. It does sound like rather a pathetic cop-out.
Come on OP, do you really want to be the woman who cancels a family party to stay home with her cats?

And if you really don’t want to go, at least don’t use them as your excuse! Feign illness as it just sounds too weird.

It’s clear you don’t want to go!
Cats can be left alone, they’re fine! It seems you’re making an excuse as to why you don’t want to go. An hour away is nothing and it would be easy to get public transport and stay the night. It’s his 30th!

Surely he knows about hour anxiety? Just tell him you feel uneasy.

Oh I see! You’re a child playing the copying game! How bizarre. Unhinged some might say

I absolutely agree - you're making three excuses not to go - quality of the light, waste of petrol, the cats... it's nothing to do with any of that, because the truth of the matter is that you don't want to go. And it's ok if you don't want to go, lots of people struggle with socialising for a range of reasons. But if you are making so many excuses not to go to a significant family event then you need some support, please seek some help - are your family open to supporting you?

Why I am unhinged and unpleasant? What tactics am I trying? As a mother to a very anxious child I’m trying to explain that having anxiety isn’t pathetic.

Can you not get the train?

Sorry about the derailing OP. I hope you find a good solution and help for your anxiety.

Your excuses are just that, excuses, not valid reasons not to go. I don't know the level of anxiety you have, though it sounds bad. Personally I don't believe in giving in to anxiety, if at all possible, because it just makes things worse and you end up shutting yourself into a tiny box where staying home is the default thing to do. IME doing the thing I feel anxious about usually turns out fine anyway.

If you were my dc, I'd encourage you to go.

I think you seriously need to address the real root of your anxiety, because this isn't really the cats and this isn't normal. Do you never leave the house?!

You mention driving - why would you need to spend the night anywhere or fork out for taxis? You drive, stay for a couple of hours and drive back, surely?