To want fiance to get rid of his cats

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

• Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.

• His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)

• I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment

• I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

I take antihistamine daily for hayfever and itchy skin (menopause). My dd is allergic to pet dander (has had allergy testing) but our cat has chosen her as her person and sleeps in her room. Dd takes antihistamine twice a day and hoovers her room a lot. Her bedding is washed weekly and she has an air purifier which all really help. It's not perfect and the allergy consultant wanted her to keep the cat out of her room, but that's not going to happen.

@ellie09 I know you say you don't want the cats upstairs, but realistically where will they go as their safe space? If your partner has a room for their computers, which you have given up as your office, I'd have that room as the cats safe space. Have a stair gate to stop your dog chasing them upstairs and that way you might be able to make this situation work.

Absolutely agree with this. Cats do bond completely with you. Mine follows me to the shed, putting the rubbish out, hanging out washing - he just likes being with me.

Just wondering how you plan to keep the cats from going upstairs?

You are mad to rehome a Rottweiler into a small house with a child tbh.

To be honest it doesn’t sound like you two should move in together. I know you’re engaged and tbh I don’t know what that means for your marriage. Just seems like a lack of compatibility. The new household set up sounds chaotic and no amount of potential monetary savings will balance that out. It’s not giving your relationship a stable foundation eg would he feel resentful if he needs to get rid of his cats for you? Would you feel resentful if he does not?

YABU if you were moving into his home would it be OK for him to insist you rehome your dog? It doesn't bode well for your relationship that you think him moving in to your home means you get to decide everything to suit you

I dumped someone because my cat didn’t like him, so maybe I’m crazy but I wouldn’t absolutely not be getting rid of her for any man. When we moved in DP had a dog, he was very happy and energetic and it did take a while for him and the cat to be introduced, but we both agreed at the end of the day if we can’t have them together moving in could wait. To some people that sounds crazy, but I wouldn’t give up my cat and I wouldn’t have put him through having to give up his dog. Other factors like we lived close and we were 21 so had all the time in the world probably helped.

What basis is this on? A biased view on bigger dogs or articles from dogs attacking children?

My dog has been with young children from a puppy. She loves children.

He has also grown up from a young age, never unsupervised and has been taught how to respect animals spaces. Unlike some children I see who run up and start patting unknown dogs in parks!

Oh, come on! Men who play games all the time are being childish. He doesn't need a separate room for it. 😁

Large dog known to have aggressive traits, living in small space with child, rehoming usually means there have been some issues in the dogs background. Children and dogs both pretty unpredictable at the best of times.

In any case, I think YABU to ask your fiance to get rid of his pets while keeping yours. You wouldn’t like having to give yours up I’m sure.

I wouldn't give up any pet, ever, for a new partner. I have an emotional bond with them, that was made for life. You should have thought about the potential difficulties of meeting a new partner with a pet before you got your dog, really.

OP is allergic to cats, why ask her why it is the cats that should be re-homed and not the dog? 🙄

Either all pets are rehomed or no pets are rehomed. If you are moving in together you are equals. You are no more entitled to keeping your dog than he is to keeping his cats.

I don’t think you need a ton of reasons, the allergy is sufficient reason on its own. I agree that trying to move them will be stressful. I think much kinder to the cats to rehome them. I think a pair of two year old cats who are healthy and happy should be easy to re home.

My dh is a gamer, as are our three kids, and for my own sanity as I am not one, they absolutely need their own room for gaming

Football is a game, and rugby, and tennis, you don't call sports players childish. Just because you don't like something you can't just deem it 'childish'. Why should adults have to give up what they find fun? I don't find it fun personally but I wouldn't demean others for it.

OP I think the cats need to become outside cats! Unless you're on a main road or they're rag dolls or something they'll be a lot happier.

Rottweilers don't have aggressive traits. They're known to be gentle and affable, especially with their family and other animals. They used to be used to herd livestock.

Hell would freeze over before I would comply with a request such as yours. I would rather be single than be issued with an ultimatum such as this.

how did either of you EVER imagine this would work?

A rehomed dog will always be a risk (a six year old was not quite a lockdown puppy, but may have missed key socialisation). A large dog will always be a risk.

My ILs unanimously agree that BIL's rehomed lockdown rotty isn't meeting my toddler, toddler is hyper as toddlers are, and the dog shows dangerous traits when confined or upset.

I certainly wouldn't choose one for a small terraced home anyway. I hate seeing active working dogs in cities.

This is difficult. The bottom line is that you do not want these cats for a variety of reasons. But they are his (presumably) adored and loved pets. So you are not compatible at the current time. If you believe that your dog is nearing the end of her life, then you could wait until she has died and then move your fiancé and his cats in.

TBH, it sounds chaotic. A smaller home with 2 adults WFH, lots of equipment, a child with ASD, 2 indoor cats and a big powerful dog. I would watch out for the impact on your relationship, not to mention the safety of the people/cats. I do understand that Rottweilers can be gentle dogs, but the problem is, if they are afraid or ill, their strength is massive.

Google "Rottweiler breed traits" and see if it states aggressive?

Aggression is a trait in untrained dogs of ANY breed.

I got bit by a poodle once and seen a jack Russell attack another dog.

On walks, its the tiny fluffy dogs running up to mine and yapping in her face. My rottweiler just stands and lets them then walks away?

You can ask. But I don't think I'd be able to live with someone who was allergic to cats. So I'd choose the cats personally.

Well if she LOVES her guy she would right? I mean how is it even a question if she’s allergic? She doesn’t need any of the other random reasons, she is allergic to cats so she can’t live in a house with a cat. If he chooses to stay living with a cat over her then he isn’t that into her. Really quite simple and the fact he didn’t get them rehomed when he realised she was allergic speaks volumes. And if he already knew she was allergic and got the cats anyway then she really needs to ditch him quick

Well you're wrong there. Cats do care about their owners. Mine does. She does pine if I aren't there.