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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
XVGN · 04/05/2025 16:09

I guess that my view is that if you can't commit to a living being that you have forcibly brought into your home of your own volition then you may not be a reliable lifelong partner. The "you" here applies to anyone with this dilemma.

ParsnipPuree · 04/05/2025 16:28

PfizerFan · 04/05/2025 13:00

Exactly. OP is repulsive.

Show quote history

Truly repulsive.

Tristan5 · 04/05/2025 16:36

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

I’d re-home you instead quite frankly, I’m with the cats all day long!

Ronathediva13 · 04/05/2025 16:38

If you think your partner should rehomw his cats you are not fit to have a pet and somebody should take that poor dog away from you.

DBD1975 · 04/05/2025 17:50

Loutina · 03/05/2025 18:58

Has no one read the thread?? He got the cats when he they'd already been dating for a year and in FULL knowledge that when they moved in together this wouldn't work.

The dog was already owned by OP when they met - he KNEW that.
She is allergic - he KNEW that.
The house doesn't lend itself well to 3 animals - he KNEW that.
They were planning to move in together in a couple of years - he KNEW that.

And yet he got them anyway. And now everyone is having a paddy because all of a sudden everything that was always going to happen has come to pass and now they're shouting that OP should be the one to re-home her dog apparently based on the poor decisions her fiance made.

She isn't petulantly demanding he gets rid of his cats out of the blue. He always knew this was going to be the situation!

And as for 'you should get rid of the dog' - why is it OK to use the dog to score points? If rehoming is so heinous it can't be considered for the cats, surely it's just as awful to do it to the dog. Who is a completely innocent animal, just like the cats are.

Show quote history

I never said re-home the dog, I said re-home the cats. Purely because it would be better for all concerned including the cats.

Unforgettablefire · 04/05/2025 17:57

I wouldn’t want anyone who would get rid of their pets so they can shack up with someone. Nor would I want someone who suggested I get rid of mine.

Out of order OP

BigButtons · 04/05/2025 17:59

@ellie09 in your opening post YOU asked us whether it would unreasonable for YOU to suggest rehoming. This is driven by YOU .

WhereIsMyJumper · 04/05/2025 18:28

Ronathediva13 · 04/05/2025 16:38

If you think your partner should rehomw his cats you are not fit to have a pet and somebody should take that poor dog away from you.

Give over! How ridiculous

BluesBird19764 · 04/05/2025 19:12

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

Get rid of your dog.
easy, right?????

IamMoodyBlue · 04/05/2025 20:52

Under no circumstances would I rehome my cats.
You ferl exactly the same about your fog.
According to your un, your dog has but c2 years of life remaining .
His cats, c15 years.
You & fiancé c50-60 years.
So , postpone moving in together until your dog dies.

namestevalian · 04/05/2025 21:09

AnonKat · 02/05/2025 09:47

I wouldn't give up my cats for someone else's dog. I think your lives are incompatible honestly.

Agree . You'd be going before my cats

Coventgardengirl · 04/05/2025 21:30

I think everyone is missing the most important point . The cats have met the dog and are terrified of it , they were shaking with fear . The ops house is open plan downstairs so the cats will have nowhere to hide from a hyperactive child and a large dog they are terrified of . Op has already said the dog and child are in and out of the garden . The first time a door is opened they are going to run out as they will already be stressed and terrified. As they are indoor cats they are likely to be run over . The allergies are immaterial. The cats will have a very short stressed and terrified life in this house if the owner does not get them rehomed first .

BecFlowers · 04/05/2025 22:57

You’re being hugely unreasonable. Just don’t move in together.

Perhapsanothertime · 04/05/2025 23:01

Magentaflies · 04/05/2025 09:35

Genuinely insane response.

A partnership is not bringing an allergen your partner is allergic to, permanently into their home.

Show quote history

I didn’t say he was to take them into her house though did I? I said she was making demands and he shouldn’t have to just bend over to her whim because she says so. Living separately may be his choice, over being with someone controlling.

hardly insane, some posters on here don’t half go overboard with the stupid responses 🙄 especially making up responses that people didn’t even make 😂 that’s insane.

you may want to make demands of your partner with no compromise on your part, but I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone like that and feel sorry for whoever is!

FlakyCritic · 05/05/2025 04:11

XVGN · 04/05/2025 16:09

I guess that my view is that if you can't commit to a living being that you have forcibly brought into your home of your own volition then you may not be a reliable lifelong partner. The "you" here applies to anyone with this dilemma.

👏Yes. A pet is a lifelong commitment. Once you've got them, it's til their death, imo. That's it. Girlfriends/boyfriends etc come and go, half of all marriages don't last.

FlakyCritic · 05/05/2025 04:15

Ronathediva13 · 04/05/2025 16:38

If you think your partner should rehomw his cats you are not fit to have a pet and somebody should take that poor dog away from you.

HEAR HEAR!!!

FlakyCritic · 05/05/2025 04:16

DBD1975 · 04/05/2025 17:50

I never said re-home the dog, I said re-home the cats. Purely because it would be better for all concerned including the cats.

Show quote history

No! What would be better for all concerned is if OP and her partner don't move in together, at least while the cats are still alive.

That's the only actual practical, doable answer.

FlakyCritic · 05/05/2025 04:21

WhereIsMyJumper · 04/05/2025 18:28

Give over! How ridiculous

Show quote history

Nope, they're right. If someone's pet, a living breathing animal, is disposable to you, you shouldn't have the right to own pets yourself.

FlakyCritic · 05/05/2025 04:24

Coventgardengirl · 04/05/2025 21:30

I think everyone is missing the most important point . The cats have met the dog and are terrified of it , they were shaking with fear . The ops house is open plan downstairs so the cats will have nowhere to hide from a hyperactive child and a large dog they are terrified of . Op has already said the dog and child are in and out of the garden . The first time a door is opened they are going to run out as they will already be stressed and terrified. As they are indoor cats they are likely to be run over . The allergies are immaterial. The cats will have a very short stressed and terrified life in this house if the owner does not get them rehomed first .

No, you're missing the point.

The point is the OP and her partner can't move in together.
Their lives are not compatible. Her partner has a responsibility to his pets that he can't pretend he doesn't have. They can't move in together.

THAT, is the point!

DBD1975 · 05/05/2025 10:35

FlakyCritic · 05/05/2025 04:16

No! What would be better for all concerned is if OP and her partner don't move in together, at least while the cats are still alive.

That's the only actual practical, doable answer.

Show quote history

No, what is better for all concerned including the cats would be for the cats to be rehomed to responsible owners who will love them and look after them, that's not the OP or her DP.

TheRubyPoet · 05/05/2025 10:53

YNBU I broke up with my ex because I was allergic to his two cats and he wasn't willing to re-home them. He was shocked when I left despite watching me break out in hives and taking me to A&E after I had an asthma attack I couldn't control. Lol

GoldBeautifulHeart · 05/05/2025 11:12

TheRubyPoet · 05/05/2025 10:53

YNBU I broke up with my ex because I was allergic to his two cats and he wasn't willing to re-home them. He was shocked when I left despite watching me break out in hives and taking me to A&E after I had an asthma attack I couldn't control. Lol

I wouldn't rehome for my pets for anyone either. They live there and you do not! Animals are for life, not just for on a whim. And allergies aside you were selfish to try and make him choose. Surely you got with him knowing you had allergies? Date people with no pets in future or live apart. You can't expect everything your way.

TheRubyPoet · 05/05/2025 11:35

So you're giving him free accomodation, giving up your office so he can game?!!! Paying more for WiFi and TV because of his preferences and paying 50/50 for wedding despite him moving in rent free.
And all the idiots here saying you're unreasonable.
He got cats and kept them knowing you have allergies. He doesn't care.
You're giving up too much for a man who is using you.
I know that sounds harsh but you're incompatible and he sounds very selfish. I think deep down you know you're going to have to keep making sacrifices which will make you resentful but you are scared of being alone and want a big wedding.

Coventgardengirl · 05/05/2025 14:19

FlakyCritic · 05/05/2025 04:24

No, you're missing the point.

The point is the OP and her partner can't move in together.
Their lives are not compatible. Her partner has a responsibility to his pets that he can't pretend he doesn't have. They can't move in together.

THAT, is the point!

Show quote history

But we know they are going to . I think the cats would be better off somewhere else

Luv2luv9 · 05/05/2025 15:20

WhereIsMyJumper · 04/05/2025 09:46

I reckon if the OP came back to tell everyone it turns out her son is allergic to cats too that she will be told to rehome her son.

My brother & his wife had a cat for a couple of years when they first married. When their son came along it would make a beeline for the pram when the baby was sleeping. They had no hesitation in finding the cat a new home.

I don't think the circumstances OP is describing is suitable for the cats,the dog, the OPs allergies or the child's needs. Sorry to say I would expect her partner to re-home the cats before he moves in to her house.