To want fiance to get rid of his cats

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

• Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.

• His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)

• I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment

• I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

👏👏👏

@ellie09 You've unfortunately de-railed your own thread by telling everyone you have a Rottweiler, though I'm not surprised at the hate and mis-information about them, unless you've owned one you really can't know how they're just the best dogs ever.

We've had 2 Rottweilers, both of whom were great with our cats

Our boy was 5 when we got our cat, and 2 years later she had 3 kittens - he was great with them. He passed away age 10.5 from cancer (because Rottweilers have an 8-10 year average life span and are prone to cancer)

Our girl is 4, we got her in 2021, and she loves the cats - they are indifferent/mildly affectionate towards her.... 😂

I would recommend a baby gate, so the cats can escape upstairs if they need to, and you can get cat shelves that they can use to get high up and out of everyone's way - cat's love high places

Honestly, other than your allergies, there's no reason you can't all cohabit-ate, we only live in a 3 bed terrace and we're all fine!

I fail to see how being constantly worried & stressed about a cat climbing into a babies pram so deciding to find another good home is irresponsible. It would be irresponsible to keep a cat in those circumstances. I can assure you the feedback they had from the new owner (who also had another cat) was as soon as it became accustomed to the new surroundings it was completely settled & happy & had made friends with the other cat. They are far more adaptable than owners wish to believe.

When my brother was a baby, one of our cats used to climb into his pram and sleep at the end of it, whilst he was sleeping in it. It did him no harm and he's a strapping 39 year old now. But then it was an old fashioned Silver Cross pram so big enough for both the cat and a large baby.

There would have been ways around it. They could have easily kept the cat from being in the same room when the baby wasn't supervised. Heard of doors? And if it was supervised then you can stop it happening. Cats can learn.

There are so many videos of cats being loving and gentle around babies.

I genuinely think it's great they gave it up. It deserved better 100%. Absolutely no reason to ever get one again if they cannot give it a home for it's whole life, not just when it suited them. They aren't the first parents with a newborn and a cat.

What a crock of shite

What? The op now has an ex fiancée?

Best response.
You're right, if an anti-histamine works then it's a mild allergy. I hope OP can manage her symptoms and it works out.
I get asthma attacks around cats. Really weird, only developed since COVID.
My ex had two cats and I ended up in A&E as I couldn't breathe and broke out in hives. He wouldn't rehouse the cats and wanted me to move in with him!
Yet I'm being trolled here by weirdos telling me he's better off without me!

Pathetic trolling. I love cats. I developed a very severe allergy to cats after COVID. You read that I ended up in hospital due to being unable to breathe and you've accused me of being selfish for not wanting to live with cats. You're insane, trolling someone who gets ill. Nasty piece of work Golden Beautiful Heart is the last thing you are.

Well, I think you've been told. If it comes down to you or the cats, you're toast - better buy those antihistamines now.

So if you won't compromise based on all his moving in etc then there's no point getting married as this is only a minor issue. Hubby had a dog he also is allergic to small pets fur and I had dogs cats and never would I have asked him to get rid of his. So he took antihistamines once he moved in and was fine

Well if she has allergies to cats its not really viable to be moving them in, it's really easy to say "well if your not willing to rehome your dog then why should he rehome his cats" but it is different as its not the dog that's causing allergies. It's a hard one but it's not just a case of taking an antihistamine, my sister brought a cat into our home when I was a teenager I'm allergic and after 4 or five weeks of being told just take a antihistamine I ended up in hospital struggling to breath with an asthma attack brought on by the allergies.

Yes, people tend to dismiss allergies but they can be debilitating.

Also life threatening.

3rd December 2019 cat smothers baby 9m to death after being attracted to the smell of milk and jumping into the pram. One lapse of attention is all it woukd take. My brother and his wife made the right decision. The cat settled well into it's new home. What's the problem?

.

Google it. It's there in black and white.

A Ukrainian baby girl called Alexandra.

I dont think you are compatible as a couple. He has cats. You are allergic to cats. You have a large dog (which many would argue is of a breed that isnt suitable to be in a home with a young child). Cats and rottweilers are unlikely to be friends I presume? And there will be two of them vs your one dog. Plus you are fine for him to rehome his cats but wouldnt consider rehoming your (dangerous?) dog. It doesnt sound workable to me.
Re me saying a Rottweiler is dangerous - rightly or wrongly Id be unlikely to visit a friends home if they had one. If it was my child they would never go there for a playdate. Nope. So however safe you think/know your dog is you'll be reducing the number of friends your child has. (and yes I know they arent always dangerous....... but its a risk Im not willing to take)

@Luv2luv9 Do you realise how many people have cats? What would happen if everyone got ‘rid’ of their cat just because they became too much hassle once a baby comes along?

I hope you and your brother never own another pet, you’re clearly not fit.

My Rottweiler lived till she was 13 so they can live a lot longer than 8 years-I think it’s just they can be prone to arthritis in hips

It was far more than a hassle. This particular cat wouldn't give up on jumping into the pram. It became like a game & the babies parents couldn't relax. They were constantly worrying about chasing it out of the room & remembering to close doors. FWIW, they never 'got rid' of their cat. They gave it up to a cat lovers home & it settled well.

Excuses

Don't you know there is cat food that eliminates the allergy response? The cats just need to eat it for about a month & you will no longer be allergic to them. Alternative to the cat food, is egg yolks (dried or fresh) that are from chickens raised around cats. It has the same effect of negating the allergy. The protein binds to the Fel-d1 allergen and the cats will no longer cause allergy response.

Good question!