To want fiance to get rid of his cats

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

• Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.

• His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)

• I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment

• I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

Respectfully, what a load of rubbish.

It's always dog owners that spout this rubbish about cats not being as close to their owners. Any cat owner will tell you differently.

If people don't like cats, it tells me something about them as a person - usually because cats can't be 'controlled' like dogs, and have their own preferences. It doesn't mean they aren't as close to their owners!!

She is ALLERGIC to the cats. Can you read?

You sound like you're trolling. I only developed allergies to cats after I got COVID.
My symptoms got worse despite him getting purifiers, vacuuming before I arrived, getting rid of cushions etc,and not allowing cats in the spare bedroom where we slept.
After I left he begged me to come back and was willing to re-home the cats as he realised a human life partner was more fulfilling than his cats but I wasn't interested as he didn't understand that NOT breathing due to his cats was something he should have prioritised earlier.
I would never have a relationship again with anyone who prioritises pets over a partners comfort as that's someone not capable of true intimacy.

No need for the rudeness! I am aware that OP is allergic. I was responding to the person I quoted, if you'd bothered to read that!

You see I could never have a relationship with someone who is allergic to cats. I have cats, my sister has a cat,my parents have a cat, my brother had a cat. It just wouldn't work. We'd never see my family.

My cats are my priority, I took on the responsibilities for them when I adopted them. They come before any future boyfriend and as I've learnt marriages and relationships don't always last.

Get rid of all the pets and concentrate on each other.

Did you not try medication?

He’s had a lucky escape.

Yep I did but I wasn't interested in constant inhaler dependency.
I had a lucky escape.

Best advice. Human connection is far more important.

Maybe YOU can't read, @TheRubyPoet ! HonestAquaMember was not even talking about the allergies, they were responding to this: "Because dogs are closer to their owners than cats. I love all animals but it's clear that most dogs would be more distressed at being separated from their owner than a cat. Cats are more self reliant."

I, would not have a relationship with someone who expected me to break a lifelong commitment (pet ownership) and dump my pets for some relationship that would've broken down anyway! Pets last, relationships don't. Anyone who wants their partner to dump their pets is lower than low in my eyes.

Prioritising pets over people is indicative of someone who can't form true relationships.
A cat can't drive you to the doctor if you're unwell or listen to you after you've had a hard day.
Pets aren't for life, a marriage is

Genuinely, I feel sorry for you.

Errrr, pets don't last that long. 10-12 years?

Pets absolutely should be for life. They’re not toys, to be disposed off when you find something/one more interesting.

Given how many marriages break up, that would be an awful lot of dumped animals

Even when I was ill my ex didn't drive me to doctor, I drove myself. If I was too ill to drive to the doctor I wouldn't be going to the doctors I'd be going to hospital or not passing whatever I was suffering from around a waiting room and be staying at home and getting a home visit.

And marriage isn't always for life! A pet is not for all your life but you are for all their life!

To me the love they give is different to that of a human.

I understand the love of pets & commitment expected once you take them on. To prioritise them over an allergic partner or especially a child with allergies including asthma which could potentially kill them is way beyond my comprehension.

My life partner & children would always come first in my priorities with absolutely no hesitation to re-home if they developed a severe allergy which can happen randomly out of the blue. I wasn't allergic to dogs as a child. As an adult I have a horrible allergy to dog dander & no amount of medication etc helps as has been proven many times in the past.

OP if your partner insists on you having the cats in YOUR house knowing it makes you ill you know where his priorities lie. I'd run for the hills before allowing someone prepared to see me suffer in this way. Unless people suffer from allergies they have no idea the distress it can cause when exposed to the allergen.

50% of marriage break up.

Pets don't leave you.

Your priorities are back to front and say a lot about you.

I genuinely feel sorry for you.

Children are different though. You don't have to actually live with your partner. Many people don't.

Yep, he sure did!

Marriage is for life?

I'm still PMSL at that one. 😂

I feel sorry for someone who can't find empathy for something that isn't human.

So the humans in your life are only worthy if they can drive you places, or do things for you?

There's a saying for pet owners - they're a chapter in your life. You're their entire book.

You probably aren’t highly allergic if an antihistamine before a visit works.
im allergic to cats and even sitting next to someone on a bus that’s got cat hair on them sets me off… you’d be allergic to your partners clothing if your allergy was bad… So I reckon once your partner and his cats move in you’ll become immune to his cats, just take antihistamines for a short while when they first come.
Since you say the cats are quiet and used to a quiet life - then say you both work from home so need a quiet space…. I’d say the cats won’t cause you any issues at all - your ‘playful’ dog is more likely to disturb your peace, but he’s been fine for 6 years!
Take your dog round to your partners flat, get the pets all used to each other - can you get one of these outdoor cat runs put up in your garden? - have a cat flap installed or leave a window open and the cats can take themselves outside and still be secure and safe?!

Awful. I hope they and you never ever get an animal. So irresponsible.

I aren't trolling and you didn't say in your post that I replied you to that you got allergies after covid. However after seeing all of your other replies, you are very much me, me, me and oh me! Your ex is better off without you. I hope he has an amazing and peaceful life with his cats. Sounds like he tried to make things better for you. But I would never give up my cat for someone like you.