To want fiance to get rid of his cats

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

• Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.

• His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)

• I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment

• I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

@ellie09 could the cats not have your DPs room as their space seeing as it will have his stuff in? Or is it a full upstairs ban? Would give them a space away from the dog and can spend time with your DP while he works etc

I am a huge cat lover. Your home isn't suitable for two indoor cats, and you are allergic. On that basis, your dp should seek a loving home for them, or stay where he is.

Lots of people live with cats and have allergies. There have been several posters on here alone testifying to this. The OP has said she is willing to take an antihistamine daily. The allergies are not the issue.

I would never get rid of my cats. They are my family and I love them . They are my babies.
Why are you expecting your bf to get rid of his "children ".
Why aren't you considering rehoming your dog?

I'm afraid I wouldn't consider taking the bold step of "moving " in to your environment.
Sorry

Because dogs are just way more important than cats apparently!! Surely you realise you are being unreasonable.

Wow. I think iit might be better if your fiance dumped you. I think this is unnecessarily cruel on your part.

Try fexofenidine as your antihistamine. You can buy in supermarket or chemist. Boots do own brand version www.boots.com/boots-fexofenadine-hydrochloride-120mg-film-coated-tablets-10-tablets-10357318?traffic=paid.shopping&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAA-AdmwQ2RI676xWb_OZ0ZevDCYi2T&gclid=Cj0KCQjw_dbABhC5ARIsAAh2Z-QFDSEKsMRsrBds8z9w3d5sGPrkcjEgqts9wcjemzOTzyLGSpzpIPQaAuicEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

I have multiple allergies and thos works better plus I can top up with loratidine at night if needed

This!

Update

Just to clarify. I have never brought up rehoming to my fiance. He was the one brought it up to me. When he brought it up, I said no, we would try and make it work. And he said if it doesnt work, he will rehome them!

We introduced the dog to the cats this morning. Took my dog to his house after a walk. Kept cats behind another door (as my dog can get excitable). My dog, super excited, tail wagging and keen to get closer to them. Obviously excited. His cats were petrified (first time they have obviously came face to face with a dog never mind a very large one!) Both cats literally shaking with fear then ran away and hid.

We will be doing this a few times a week to see if they will warm a bit more to the dog.

I am hoping so, for everyone's sake!

I love how some people think rehoming the cats would be an easy option. Shelters are overflowing with unwanted cats.

"Get rid of" - such an unpleasant way of phrasing it too. As if the cats are rubbish. Why not say "rehome". Really showing your true colours. I'd get rid of you if I was your bf.

You are being impossibly unreasonable imv

Are people deliberately not reading the part that she's actually ALLERGIC to the cats?

When I read the title, I was going to put YABU but as soon as I read the whole thread and specifically the allergy part then I voted YANBU.

It's unreasonable for anyone to bring animals that you are allergic to into your home and it is unreasonable for anyone to expect you to permanently dose up on antihistamines. Medication has side effects and she shouldn't have to risk these in her own home.

Personally @ellie09 I think realistically you should reconsider moving in together. It is a big ask to ask him to rehome them and at the same time I don't think you should move the cats into your home. Even if they do come but then get rehomed, their hair etc. will still be there and it could take months to get rid of whatever particles set off your allergies.

Irrelevant. She asked of she should make her fiance 'get rid of' his pets.

That's the issue. Not her 'allergy', if it is an actual allergy.

This.

@ellie09 after having a check using ChatGTP there are long term effects of taking antihistamine on a long term basis. You'll need to discuss with both your GP AND a pharmacist, but ultimately you'll be risking long term liver and kidney strain, amongst other things.

But she is allergic to cats

I am allergic to cats and have had them for years
Antihistamines and handfasting work for us.
Ditch the partner so he can find someone lovely, I certainly wouldn't want your dog.

I have AirTags/ collar holders for our cats. There is an alternative tag for those without Apple equipment.

I also second building a catio. When the weather is nice they can go outside during the day in the catio (with food and clean litter box) and the house opened up and aired out.

i am surprised you haven’t had a big reaction though to your partner when he visits. My SIL reacts to us despite wearing freshly laundered clothing when visiting her. I presume this would have been an issue from day 1 when the kittens came home to his..

my only other suggestion is you all seem to be making big sacrifices to fit into yours. Would it not be better to find something larger to rent together for 12 months to see how you all fit in together ?

good luck.

Isn’t it rather unfair for the cats, who have already been re-homed once?

The cats mother was in the sanctuary and once the kittens were of age to be rehomed, they went with my DP. I dont really call that a "rehoming" when they went to my DP as soon as they were able to be away from their mother as kittens.

Shes not allergic to her dog. Shes allergic to the cats!

@ellie09 I am allergic to cats. We rehoused my BFs cats after 6m. I'm left with asthma. Please do not marginalise your allergies. This type of allergy is a type 1 allergy. Google what that means.

I know our pets are our family. Your blended family (people and pets) is not compatible. Im so sorry but the cats need to be removed. If anything family member could take them at least he will still see them.

I’d dump a partner that wouldn’t accept my cats. Sounds like you are entitled and unable to compromise. BTW, cats are not like dogs and can not be restricted within a house. Just how do you plan to keep them downstairs-😂

Not unreasonable at all. You’re allergic and having to medicate around cats. It’s not a cat v dog argument. It’s a health issue. Hard situation for you both. Good luck.

Would you also deliberately get 2 cats when you knew you were soon to be moving in with your allergic, doberman-owning, unsuitable-house-owning fiancée?? Shame on you if you would, that's so irresponsible, entitled, and totally unable to compromise.