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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
Anonymousforthisone2025 · 03/05/2025 17:40

I don't even like cats but think YABU . Everything seems weighted in your favour. I'd be suggesting he waits until the cats die if I knew him, I'd guess they'll outlive the relationship

Allinarow48 · 03/05/2025 17:47

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:48

No, its a 6 year old Rottweiler nearing the last few years of its life. I wouldnt rehome her.

Show quote history

Well then you know how he'd feel.about re-homing the cats. Why not continue to live separately until your dog passes from old age and then think again.

Allinarow48 · 03/05/2025 17:48

TheGrimSmile · 03/05/2025 00:57

Because dogs are closer to their owners than cats. I love all animals but it's clear that most dogs would be more distressed at being separated from their owner than a cat. Cats are more self reliant.

Show quote history

That's a myth

Nettie1964 · 03/05/2025 17:53

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:54

Maybe I am being slightly selfish, but I have had my dog for 5 years, and he got his 2 cats at a stage where we were talking about moving in together in the future. He got them knowing this may be a situation further down the line, but didn't really think about the repercussions back then

Obviously, I will try to make it work in my home with his cats if that is what he wishes, but I dont think that me rehoming my dog from its home for most of its life, and nearing the last few years of it, is particularly fair vs. cats that are only c. 2 years old and can have life spans of 15+ years

Show quote history

Last few years of its life??? Your fog is 6 hould live another 10 years. You just don't like his cats. I wouldn't rehome any of my pets for a partner.

BigButtons · 03/05/2025 17:53

@ellie09 rehome your dog then. If it’s fine for him to do it then you should too.

Towwanthustice · 03/05/2025 17:55

I have 3 cats and a dog. The cats are never a bother.
I had my dog first and he loves all 3 of them as they do him.

Roobarbtwo · 03/05/2025 17:55

Allinarow48 · 03/05/2025 17:48

That's a myth

Show quote history

Absolutely this. All of my cats are incredibly attached to me. I would never ask someone to give up their pets.

croydon15 · 03/05/2025 17:56

TennesseeStella · 02/05/2025 09:46

Why should he re-home the cats if you're not willing to re-home your dog? Just because he is the one moving into your house? One dog will be easier to re-home than two cats.

This you are selfish

Lollylucyclark101 · 03/05/2025 17:57

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

Why can’t you rehome your dog?

catlover123456789 · 03/05/2025 17:58

Taking aside the dog, how were you planning to cope with living with 2 cats if you're allergic?

By using the term "get rid" you don't seem to be particularly empathetic to your fiance, or his pets.

I actually couldn't date someone who was allergic to cats

Buzyizzy217 · 03/05/2025 17:59

If I were him, I’d tell you to shove it. It sounds like he’s setting himself up for being henpecked for the rest of his life. 🏃

Lunaticmess · 03/05/2025 17:59

Cat owner here. If someone asked me to give them up, I would send them packing quite frankly. They are my babies and I love them like children. I’m sure you must love your dog, and his cats are no less important or loved than your pet.

Cats are actually a much smaller responsibility than dogs and are largely self-sufficient. But you don’t just give up a responsibility because it doesn’t suit you. There are hundreds and thousands of cats in rescue centres all over the place, so yes, YAB massively U, which I think you probably already know. I would delay moving in together as well. If you can’t accept him with his pets, you aren’t ready to live together. I appreciate that you have an allergy, but this is your problem and yours alone. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it bugs me no end when people just suddenly decide they no longer want their animals. It’s massively cruel. They have done absolutely nothing wrong and do not deserve to be kicked out because of you.

MaddestGranny · 03/05/2025 18:00

Well, looks like he has to choose between: having his own place, his two cats, his own life and; you, with your Rottweiler, your ASD child, your allergies, your demands that he exes his pets.
Hmmm. Difficult.

ThistleTits · 03/05/2025 18:03

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:54

Maybe I am being slightly selfish, but I have had my dog for 5 years, and he got his 2 cats at a stage where we were talking about moving in together in the future. He got them knowing this may be a situation further down the line, but didn't really think about the repercussions back then

Obviously, I will try to make it work in my home with his cats if that is what he wishes, but I dont think that me rehoming my dog from its home for most of its life, and nearing the last few years of it, is particularly fair vs. cats that are only c. 2 years old and can have life spans of 15+ years

Show quote history

Very selfish. Despite what you are saying, it is pretty obvious you do not want his cats in you home.
It doesn't matter how long you have had either of the pets, they are loved pets.
He's giving up quite a bit already. What are you willing to consider for him?

Lunaticmess · 03/05/2025 18:05

TheGrimSmile · 03/05/2025 00:57

Because dogs are closer to their owners than cats. I love all animals but it's clear that most dogs would be more distressed at being separated from their owner than a cat. Cats are more self reliant.

Show quote history

What absolute nonsense! You clearly don’t know the first thing about cats if you believe this.

Mumof3confused · 03/05/2025 18:08

I wouldn’t live with cats if I was allergic. Taking antihistamines daily can’t be good for you in the long term. Is your child definitely not allergic?

Zoec1975 · 03/05/2025 18:09

You have made every excuse.your dog is only 6 nowhere near the end of his life.you said you had a cat before and rehomed it.pets are for life.please don’t make anyone get rid of their beloved pets.please stay in your own home.

DrPrunesqualer · 03/05/2025 18:10

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/05/2025 09:43

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

And would you?

Agree
Would you consider rehoming your dog. ?
somehow I think not

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 03/05/2025 18:11

I couldn’t live with animals I was allergic to. I can’t believe that you’re focussing on all the other issues but are happy to just pop daily antihistimine pills for the next 10 years 😳

GiveDogBone · 03/05/2025 18:12

Breaks put the popcorn and waits for the cat ladies to post

Tiredalwaystired · 03/05/2025 18:18

Probably already been said but if you think your dog is near the end of its life then wait till the dog dies before you move in. Although your allergies probably make that incompatible altogether so I’d just keep living apart for the next fifteen years really. Cats get very attached to their owners. They deserve the security they have.

DreamTheMoors · 03/05/2025 18:21

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:48

No, its a 6 year old Rottweiler nearing the last few years of its life. I wouldnt rehome her.

Show quote history

Well, there ya go.

Either live with the cats or live apart, but don’t ask anybody to do something you aren’t willing to do yourself.

Lunaticmess · 03/05/2025 18:23

GiveDogBone · 03/05/2025 18:12

Breaks put the popcorn and waits for the cat ladies to post

You’re a little late to the party. The crazy cat ladies have spoken… and so we should! 😼

DollydaydreamTheThird · 03/05/2025 18:26

Why on earth have you got a Rottweiler at the same time as having a kid? Absolutely mental.

BlueFlowers5 · 03/05/2025 18:30

Poor cats. They are family and living animals.

Also dobermans have a strong prey driven, it may not end well.