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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
TheGrimSmile · 03/05/2025 00:57

HonestAquaMember · 02/05/2025 09:47

Why is it that dog owners always think dogs come before cats? All three are dearly loved pets - why should he rehome the cats because you want him to? If you wouldn't rehome your dog, you can't expect him to rehome his cats.

Edited

Because dogs are closer to their owners than cats. I love all animals but it's clear that most dogs would be more distressed at being separated from their owner than a cat. Cats are more self reliant.

TheGrimSmile · 03/05/2025 00:58

I was ready to say yabu. But in your situation you are nit at all. It would be unfair on the cats.

FlakyCritic · 03/05/2025 05:28

He needs to 'get rid of' you, not the cats. You are being selfish and unreasonable. You may need to face the fact that you are simply not compatible. And let each other go. I would definitely choose my cat over a man if he wanted me to get rid of my cat. He'd be told where to go fuck himself. Animals are not 'toys' to be 'rehomed' when you get a new girlfriend or boyfriend. Pets, are a LIFETIME responsibility. When you adopt a pet, it is for life. It's you that needs to go. Have the decency and respect to do that.

Ally886 · 03/05/2025 08:03

I feel as though someone who lives in a family house rent free has little choice but to be entitled....

PfizerFan · 03/05/2025 08:14

Very unreasonable. Maybe you should rehome your dog.

worrisomeasset · 03/05/2025 08:29

TheGrimSmile · 03/05/2025 00:57

Because dogs are closer to their owners than cats. I love all animals but it's clear that most dogs would be more distressed at being separated from their owner than a cat. Cats are more self reliant.

Show quote history

You’ve not met my cat.

SallyWD · 03/05/2025 08:32

This is so hard. I'm a cat lover and would never rehome my cat for someone else. He's part of my family!!
However, I'd also not move him into a small house with a rottweiler and lively kids. He'd be so stressed out and have no quality of life.
What a dilemma!

TheGoogleMum · 03/05/2025 08:35

I was always allergic to cats until I got my own. The first few weeks I was still quite sneezy but it soon settled. So there is hope that you won't stay allergic at least!

Lovecatsandwater · 03/05/2025 08:42

Why can’t you rehome your dog? You sound very selfish

Original poster
ellie09 · 03/05/2025 09:28

Bestfadeplans · 03/05/2025 00:27

You literally said: About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens

Are you now saying that's not true and that he bred them?

And you want his cats to now be in the position your dog was in? And for him to "get rid" of them?

Show quote history

They were kittens that were given to Cats Protection to be rehomed. They technically didnt have a "home" before they went to my DP

OP posts:
juless77 · 03/05/2025 09:37

I wouldn’t want to be with someone who
would ask me to get rid of a pet
or
who would be willing to give up a pet for me

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 03/05/2025 10:53

NaeRolls · 02/05/2025 15:28

I'm allergic to my two cats, and I take loratadine every day - it's fine. My doctor says it's fine too.

I wouldn't want to take loratidine every single day.

Have you seen the long term associations with taking antihistamines every day?

PussInBin20 · 03/05/2025 11:14

It doesn’t sound great for the cats or you tbh. I don’t think YABU at all but as a cat lover I wouldn’t be moving in with you.

If you are both intent on living together then I think it is best to re home them. They won’t like living with a dog, in a noisy household with no escape. Poor things.

Surely he knew all of this when he got them 🙄

Syuni · 03/05/2025 11:19

TheGrimSmile · 03/05/2025 00:57

Because dogs are closer to their owners than cats. I love all animals but it's clear that most dogs would be more distressed at being separated from their owner than a cat. Cats are more self reliant.

Show quote history

This is a complete myth that cats don’t get close to their owners or don’t get separation anxiety like dogs do.

Charlize43 · 03/05/2025 11:38

FlakyCritic · 03/05/2025 05:28

He needs to 'get rid of' you, not the cats. You are being selfish and unreasonable. You may need to face the fact that you are simply not compatible. And let each other go. I would definitely choose my cat over a man if he wanted me to get rid of my cat. He'd be told where to go fuck himself. Animals are not 'toys' to be 'rehomed' when you get a new girlfriend or boyfriend. Pets, are a LIFETIME responsibility. When you adopt a pet, it is for life. It's you that needs to go. Have the decency and respect to do that.

Edited

^This

NaeRolls · 03/05/2025 12:00

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 03/05/2025 10:53

I wouldn't want to take loratidine every single day.

Have you seen the long term associations with taking antihistamines every day?

Show quote history

As far as I know, some antihistamines, like chlorpheniramine, do carry a risk of dementia if used long term, but I haven't seen any studies showing this applies to loratadine as well.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 03/05/2025 13:01

TheGrimSmile · 03/05/2025 00:57

Because dogs are closer to their owners than cats. I love all animals but it's clear that most dogs would be more distressed at being separated from their owner than a cat. Cats are more self reliant.

Show quote history

What absolute rubbish.

SallyWD · 03/05/2025 13:11

Syuni · 03/05/2025 11:19

This is a complete myth that cats don’t get close to their owners or don’t get separation anxiety like dogs do.

Show quote history

Exactly such a myth. Every cat I've had has been very emotionally attached to me. My current cat follows me everywhere and hates it when I'm out.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/05/2025 13:15

SallyWD · 03/05/2025 13:11

Exactly such a myth. Every cat I've had has been very emotionally attached to me. My current cat follows me everywhere and hates it when I'm out.

Show quote history

Absolutely. Our 3 year old girl has just lost her sister. Her distress and her reliance on me is very obvious.

SallyWD · 03/05/2025 13:18

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/05/2025 13:15

Absolutely. Our 3 year old girl has just lost her sister. Her distress and her reliance on me is very obvious.

Show quote history

Oh poor thing. I remember when my childhood cat lost her brother. She was bereft and needed a lot of comfort for months.

Bestfadeplans · 03/05/2025 15:25

ellie09 · 03/05/2025 09:28

They were kittens that were given to Cats Protection to be rehomed. They technically didnt have a "home" before they went to my DP

Show quote history

Yes that's literally the definition of rehoming.

Tekknonan · 03/05/2025 15:32

Given the relatively short life span of rotweillers, the problem will solve itself in 2-4 years. As far as rehoming goes, cats are a real problem now. Most of the cat shelters around us are full and are turning cats away, and they would put a voluntary rehoming like this to the bottom of the list (behind abandoned cats, cats needing rehoming becasue of the death of the owner etc). It would be easier to rehome your dog, but I understand why you don't want to. Live apart until your dog dies. It's probably the best solution.

MamaLenny · 03/05/2025 15:50

I think he was unreasonable to get cats in the first place IF he knew you were allergic and wanted to be with you long term. The whole situation could have been avoided.

worrisomeasset · 03/05/2025 16:40

Well, OP, you are in a genuine pickle here and please disregard those posts that are needlessly harsh on you. My only suggestion is, if you all decide to move in together, that you could ask your OH to let his cats go outside after a period of settling in. It will help with your allergy and will also make the lack of space in your house less of an issue. I only hope this post doesn’t lead to other posters derailing the thread with an argument about whether cats should be allowed outside or not!

XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 03/05/2025 16:44

I'd be rehoming you rather than the cats.

Why is your dog more important? Why is it automatically the cats that have to go?

He rescued two cats and has given them a loving home, and jumped through all the hoops rescues put people through.